


Force Bound

by Kitsfics



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon? Who’s that? I don’t know her, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Smut, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, I know I write really long chapters and I'm sorry I am trying to break them down a bit, I'm a Bey, Let Star Wars say fuck, Slow Burn, Title might sound kinky but it's not BDSM releated not that there's anyting wrong with that, and thought it was hilarious, but I also just found it while typing, canonverse, don't call me a reylo, first fic, it also applies to practically every aspect of my life, post RotS, that last flag is true, this actually got way more plot-driven than I thought it would, trigger warning for attempted sexual assault down the line not attempted by a major character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 08:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22492831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsfics/pseuds/Kitsfics
Summary: “But then what?" Ben asked. "We run away to the Outer Rim? We’d be hunted, they’d never just let us go. You’d never see your friends again.”“What’s the alternative? Hiding how we feel, never being together?” A tear slid down Rey’s check. She rubbed it away with the back of her hand.Ben stooped and kissed her cheek, swift as a bird. “Don’t cry. Please. We’ll earn their trust. I have a plan.”
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 72
Kudos: 177





	1. After Exogol

**Author's Note:**

> Just want to say first that I do not hate The Rise of Skywalker. I actually kind of liked it. I just came out of the theater wondering where the story would go if Ben Solo hadn't died. How would the road to redemption look if he had lived? That's what this story is. It's a bit of a slow burn, sex-wise. Like that's not going to happen for a while, but I will get there, I promise. I already have 35k words of this one, so the first chapters might come pretty quickly. I’ll try to update every Friday
> 
> Regarding the trigger warning, there will be an attempted sexual assault around chapter 15. I've already written it, and like I said, it doesn't involve a major character (Ben Solo). I'll talk about it when it comes, but I felt it made an important plot point, but I want everyone to know way up front so you can protect yourself and be safe, if that's not something you could handle reading.
> 
> Adding tag for graphic depiction of violence in chapters 19 and 21. I’ll tag the specific paragraphs too.

Rey collapsed onto her side, Luke and Leia’s twin sabers falling from her limp hands. Terrible cramps flared up her legs and back, while a migraine tore from the back of her skull through her temples. She saw flashes of light cross her field of vision, and cried out. The Emperor had lived after all. Her last bit of strength hadn’t been enough – they had lost.

“If only Ben were here,” she thought just before she lost consciousness. “Dying wouldn’t be so bad if I could see a familiar face.” Then everything went black.

The migraine passed eventually and Rey came to, cold and stiff, but alive. She pushed herself up onto her elbows, every muscle screaming out in pain, to find that Ben lay a few feet away, awake, but similarly incapacitated.

He groaned, then raised his head, quickly letting it fall back. “I never want to be on the business end of force lightning again.” He turned his head to look at her. “You’re not going to shock me, are you?” His tone was light, but his face twisted in pain.

Rey shuddered, then rolled onto her stomach, pushing herself up on all fours. She fought nausea for a moment, then lost, vomiting up the contents of her stomach until nothing but bile, thick and bitter, was left. She felt marginally better, though, and stood up slowly.

“I’m never using force lightning again.” She let her head fall forward, then rolled her head to left and right, her neck releasing audible cracks that made her wince. She reached up and rubbed the stiff muscles.

“What are you going to do with me?” Ben asked after a moment, quietly. Rey didn’t reply, unsure of what to say.

“How did you get back here?” She tried to remember what had happened after the Emperor drained their life force to regenerate himself. “Didn’t he throw you down that shaft?”

He still wasn’t moving. Rey glanced nervously, looking for the lightsabers. Something was wrong. Why wasn’t he getting up? Was he really changed, or was he still Kylo Ren?

“I crawled back up. I know what you’re thinking. I’m not a threat to you.”

Rey walked slowly toward him, circled so she could see his face. Right away she could see something was wrong with his leg. His pants were torn away at the right ankle, and it was swollen to twice its normal size. His left wrist was bent at an odd angle. Blood had soaked through what was left of his left sleeve. Blood welled from a wound on his right temple.

His mouth twisted into half a smile. “No serious internal damage, I don’t think. But I can’t walk very well.”

“I don’t have the strength to heal you-” she started, but he waved his right hand dismissively.

“No, I know you don’t. I’m not that bad off. Any way to get out of here, though? I wouldn’t say no to a lift.”

Rey chuckled to herself, an entirely mirthless sound. “They’re going to love this,” she remarked sarcastically to herself.

She sat down within arms reach of Ben, crossing her legs and closing her eyes. She took several deep breaths, feeling Ben’s breathing slow to match hers. It brought her an odd sense of calm. She sent her thoughts out to Finn.

To her surprise, his thoughts were far from her, though he was physically near. He was embracing Jannah, and his thoughts about the young woman made Rey blush. She pulled back for just a moment, then reached out again.

 _Finn_ , she said quietly, not wanting to startle him.

He turned from Jannah, looking for Rey, even though he knew Rey had not spoken to his ears, but to his mind. “Where are you? Are you ok?”

Rey laughed wearily. _Well enough. Are you near the Falcon?_

“On it,” Finn spoke aloud, knowing she would hear his thoughts, not his voice.

 _Can you come get me? I’m in the pyramid. If you fly to the top, there’s an opening the Falcon can fly down._ She hesitated, then added in her thoughts, _I’m not alone._

She didn’t know if he’d understood her meaning or not. Finn’s response came to her simply, “Be right there.”

Rey opened her eyes to find Ben watching her, his expression inscrutable. She’d never seen him so calm. She reached out to him, with her force sense that she sometimes thought of as her Feelings, and sensed all anger and hatred had vanished from Ben, except a lingering distaste for Sith temples, and their ridiculously opulent layouts that built one floor hundreds of meters above the next.

“Why did you come back? I would have sensed you were alive and come and found you. You can’t think I would have left you behind, after all that.”

His mouth slowly curved into a smile, like it took time for his muscles to remember how to form that expression. “You called for me.”

“I did? Before I fell unconscious? But I was only out for a few minutes.”

“It was much longer than that. You were screaming in my head, that you didn’t want to die alone.” He pushed himself up into a sitting position with his right arm. He covered his eyes with his face. “I thought you were going to die. I thought I was going to die, too. I probably should have.”

Rey started to protest, but Ben raised his right hand again to surrender the point. “Ok, ok. I forgot what a pure soul you are. You wouldn’t wish death on your worst enemy, would you?”

Rey sat unmoving, processing what he had said. “I think I did just technically kill the Emperor. You know I thought he was alive? I think I saw some flashing lights before I passed out, and I thought it was more lightning. And you aren’t my worst enemy. You might be my friend, if you wanted to be.”

He sighed softly, then winced. Probably a bruised rib, Rey thought. “Friends?” He looked up at the Falcon, beginning to descend.

He seemed to reach a resolution at the sight of his father’s ship. His eyes not leaving the ship, he asked again, “What will happen to me now?”

Rey shook her head, even though he wasn’t looking at her. “I don’t know.”

“I’m a war criminal, after all. Mother would stand up for me if she was here, but she’s not.”

He shifted his gaze to her. Rey reached out again. She felt a fear she had never sensed from him.

“I’ll help you. I’ll tell them you’ve changed. I couldn’t have defeated the Emperor without you.”

He smiled again, but the smile didn’t touch his eyes. He looked so sad. Rey suddenly remembered he was an orphan too, now.

The Falcon landed and the ramp lowered with a clunk. Finn and Chewie ran out, weapons drawn. Finn faltered when he saw Ben. Chewie roared.

“It’s Ben,” Rey said softly, standing slowly and laying a hand on Chewie’s forearm. She reached out and pushed Finn’s blaster arm until the weapon was pointed at the ground.

“He helped me. I’d be dead if it weren’t for him. He helped me kill the Emperor.”

Finn stared at her. “He’s dead?”

Rey sighed. “I don’t know. His body is.”

Finn shook his head. “The heck does that mean?”

Rey shrugged. “Finn, I’m exhausted and I almost died. Can we please just get out of here? I’ll tell you all about it later.”

Finn nodded, then glanced at Ben. “Can he stand?”

With a force of will Rey found deeply moving, Ben turned and put his weight on his right knee. He bent his left leg and stood on that good foot, his right leg held awkwardly out to the side. He hopped for a moment on his one good leg, and for one terrible second Rey was sure he would come crashing down.

Then quick as a flash, Chewie slung his bowcaster onto his back and was at Ben’s side, his arm around Ben’s waist as the Wookie stooped to allow Ben to put his good arm around Chewie’s neck. Tears welled up in Ben’s eyes, and he stared down at the ground, waves of remorse flowing from him toward Rey.

“Thank you,” he murmured as Chewie helped him walk toward the Falcon.

Rey stopped to pick up the fallen lightsabers, then she and Finn followed Chewie and Ben up the ramp. She hit the switch to close the ramp, then asked Finn who was flying.

“Lando,” he answered.

Rey touched a button on the wall intercom to speak, and told Lando they were ready for takeoff. After a moment, the ship began to move.

Chewie laid Ben on the bunk in the general quarters, then went to help Lando fly. Rey rummaged through a storage bin and found a kolto pack, injecting the medicine into his right thigh. Ben grunted, but didn’t protest.

“That should help you with the pain. Do you want something to help you sleep?”

Ben grimaced, teeth clenched, shook his head harshly. “No – no thank you.”

Rey made her way to the cockpit. A distant hum told her the ship was jumping to lightspeed. Finn followed her down the corridor, and Rey could sense he was desperate to ask her what had happened.

Lando gasped softly at the sight of her, then diverted his gaze back to the controls. Rey caught a glimpse of herself on a semi-reflective panel. Her face was smeared with blood and dirt, dark circles standing out under her eyes.

“Are we on the way to Resistance Headquarters?” she asked, hoping that her tone was steely enough to communicate that she was not in the mood for small talk or side conversation.

Lando glanced at her but did not comment on her appearance. “Yes. Should be there in an hour.”

“Let them know we have Ben Solo aboard.”

Lando stared after her as she stumbled into the corridor. “Right away,” he murmured.

Finn caught her as she stumbled. “You should really sit down or something. You look like death.”

Jannah pushed Finn aside, hands wrapping protectively around Rey’s shoulders. She shot Finn a disgusted look, muttering to herself about the state of some people’s manners, and steered Rey into the captain’s quarters, where food and water were laid out on a small table, a pail of water on the floor. The door swung closed behind them, and Rey fell into the chair, her guard swept away just as suddenly. She realized she was crying.

Jannah knelt beside her, rubbing her upper arms comfortingly. “It’s all right, everything will be all right.” She dipped a washcloth in the warm water and began washing Rey’s face. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but the worst is over. It really is.”

Jannah wrung out the cloth into an empty pail, then soaked up clean water from the full pail, and continued washing Rey’s face. To Rey’s surprise, she felt calmer almost immediately.

“How did you do that?” she asked the young woman as she moved on to Rey’s hands and arms.

Jannah chuckled. “I looked after the others after we escaped the First Order. I had a background in trauma medicine. First thing I learned was warm water and a hot meal can cure a lot of ills.” She patted Rey dry with a towel, then handed her a cup of hot tea.

“Sip this. Then try the food when you’re ready.” She turned down the blanket of the trundle bed, fluffing the pillow. “You probably won’t be able to sleep, but try to lie down and shut your eyes. It’ll help.”

The tea was strong, with floral notes and a hint of citrus. She drank a few sips, then picked up a piece of toast. She realized she was famished. She soon finished the tea, two more pieces of bread, and thick, sweet gruel like some kind of porridge.

Jannah laid out some clean clothes for Rey, then headed for the door.

“Thank you,” Rey said before Jannah could open the door. “For understanding and not asking a million questions.”

Jannah smiled. “Try to rest.” She opened the door and slipped out quickly.

Rey stood as the door shut. She began to undress, and used the rest of the water to finish bathing. She dried herself and pulled on the clean robes, throwing her dirty garments in an express washer/dryer, which began to emit a pleasant gurgling water sound as it filled. She lowered herself stiffly onto the bed, thinking that she wouldn’t sleep at all, but fell fast asleep as soon as she switched off the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the first draft, some paragraphs got duplicated. Also, I don’t know what the name of the planet was where the Republic and Leia and co we’re on in RotS, so I just called it Yavin 4. Shrug emoji. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edited to change "Yavin 4" to "Resistance Headquarters". No idea what made me think Yavin 4. i did watch Rogue One the other day, and I was playing Shadow of Revan on Star Wars The Old Republic.


	2. Celebration

Jannah shook her gently awake an hour later. Rey was sure she could have slept for days, but rose anyway, and accepted the cup of coffee Jannah offered her gratefully.

“Have we landed yet?’ she asked as she sipped the strong drink.

“Any minute now.”

“Is Ben awake?’

“Yes, although he’s in terrible pain. He keeps saying he’s fine whenever I try to examine him. I know the look, though.”

Rey looked up at Jannah over the rim of the mug. What do you think of him?”

Jannah seemed surprised. “What do you mean?”

“He keeps asking me what will happen to him. I have a feeling a lot of people are going to start asking me that. I wondered what you thought.”

Jannah sighed. “That’s a complicated question. The First Order ruined a lot of lives. Some they murdered outright, some they kidnapped from their families and attempted to kill part of their souls.” Her eyes were distant and misty.

Jannah inhaled sharply, picking up and stacking Rey’s dinner dishes. “On the other hand, he was a member of the higher echelon. I suppose many will feel some kind of punishment is in order. For his sake, I hope it isn’t too severe. He seems genuinely remorseful for what he’s done.” For a moment, she looked like she wanted to say more. Then a brief thud let them know the ship had landed.

“Come on, they’ll be waiting.”

Rey pulled on her freshly washed clothes while Jannah stood just outside the door. Once Rey was dressed, she emerged to find Lando, Finn, and Jannah waiting in the main hold of the ship. Ben was standing apart from them on one leg, his left arm bound in a sling, no doubt at Jannah’s insistence. Rey blanched and walked over to him after quickly greeting her friends.

“Should you really be standing?” she hissed.

He stared at her. “What are my options? I won’t be carried. Besides, it’s not that-”

“Fine,” she interrupted, turning away. “I’m sorry if I held you up.” She spoke to Finn, but addressed Lando and Jannah in her gaze as well.

“It’s ok,” Jannah smiled, shouldering a bag. I’m just glad you got some rest.”

Lando pressed the switch to lower the ramp. “Don’t be afraid to leave the party early if you’re not feeling up to it,” he advised sagely. “That goes for you two as well. You’ve been through a lot today. Don’t try to do too much.”

Rey forced herself to turn away from Ben and walk down the ramp. Every protective instinct in her was crying to turn back and help him, but she would not humble herself again. She couldn’t keep offering her help to someone who clearly did not want it.

Despite her admirable intentions, Rey was relieved when she noticed Chewie approach Ben and offer his shoulder again. Rey had the distinct impression the offer was not optional.

Lando was only half-wrong when he called it a party. There were enthusiastic meetings, ecstatic embraces, victorious battle cries, side-by-side with tearful reunions and the occasional collapse when bad news was delivered. Rey herself felt faint each time she heard a familiar name, a friend or even just someone she had known by sight who had gone to Exogol and not returned.

She and Finn found Poe and settled into an out-of-the-way corner to discuss the battle. Jannah left them to go find her former-trooper friends. Finn and Poe filled Rey in on the details of the battle in the air and “on the ground” – (“I can’t believe you invaded a Star-Destroyer mounted on four-legged animals”) and then Rey tried to tell them what happened inside the temple.

Rey gasped, remembering- “Luke’s X-Wing! I forgot it outside the temple!”

Poe reassured her, “Don’t worry about it, it’s here. A few pilots had to bail out when their ships were hit, so I had a line of volunteers when it came time to come back. That thing belongs in a museum, I can’t believe it still works!”

Rey nodded, relived. “Something else I have to tell you. Is there somewhere private we could go to talk?

Poe nodded and led them to a secured command room. Finn grabbed a bottle of Coruscant red wine and a few glasses. Poe shut the door and he and Finn sat and poured the wine, while Rey shut her eyes and reached out, looking for any prying eyes, listening for any eavesdroppers. She opened her eyes to find Finn and Poe watching her carefully.

“I’m the Emperor’s granddaughter,” she said evenly. “My father was his son.”

She had expected a bigger reaction. Finn raised his eyebrows while Poe just looked disbelieving.

“He told you that?” Poe asked, emphasizing the word ‘he’.

“Yes” Rey replied.

“He was probably lying.”

“No, I know it was true.”

“How?”

Rey took a deep breath, preparing to launch into a verbal barrage, but Finn held up his hands to head-off the inevitable argument.

“Rey, we don’t care.”

Rey paused. She realized her mouth was agape, and shut it. She thought a moment, opened her mouth again.

“You don’t care?

Finn nodded. “No.”

“You don’t care if I think it’s true?”

He nodded again. “No. We don’t care if it’s true, we don’t care if the Emperor thought it was true, we don’t care if you think it’s true. If it is true, we don’t care.”

Rey shut her mouth again. In a small voice, she asked,” Really?”

“Really,” Poe said.” You’re still the same person. You can’t help who your parents are, neither could your parents.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “Please don’t tell anyone else.”

“Never, and you shouldn’t tell anyone else either.” Poe drained his glass and refilled his and Finn’s glasses. Rey looked down at her own full glass, and took a long drink.

“Well, I have to tell the Senate or whatever the Republic elects to replace it,” she said.

“No, Rey. Trust me, don’t do it,” Finn agreed.

“It’s not their business,” Poe explained. “They don’t know you like we do. Some people won’t understand. Trust me, it happened to Leia back when she was a senator. She told me about it once. Someone found out her father had been Darth Vader, there was a formal investigation and she was forced to resign. I think she always wondered if she could have made a difference if she was still a senator when the First Order rose to power.”

Rey gulped down her drink. “It feels wrong, but I guess it’s not really lying. I highly doubt anyone will ask me straight out if I’m Emperor Palpatine’s granddaughter.”

They rejoined the party then. Some pilots had brought out instruments, and an impromptu dance had started outside, under the trees. Jannah and another of the former troopers ran forward and whirled Finn and Poe into the dance, which consisted of a lot of spinning, it seemed to Rey.

Rey stood on the sides of the dancing, watching the whirling pairs and smiling. She looked around and realized a lot of people were watching her, but they seemed hesitant to approach her. No one besides Finn and Poe really knew her, she realized, they just knew her reputation.

After a few minutes, a bolder pilot who appeared to be a few years older than her approached. He was a few inches taller than her, with a pleasant and friendly face, golden hair and blue eyes. He was carrying two small, unopened bottles.

“Want some spiced ale? Fresh-brewed!”

“Spice?”

He laughed. “Not that kind of spice.”

She opened the bottle he handed to her and took a sip. It was cool and crisp and tasted faintly of apples. She tasted the spices, sharp and warm and tangy. It left a slightly bitter aftertaste, but she liked it.

“My name’s Dax,” he held out his hand and she shook it.

“Rey.”

“You’re friends with Poe, right?”

Rey smiled and considered a moment. “We fight over the Falcon, so I guess that makes us friends.”

“You got to fly her, right? What’s she like?” He pronounced “her” without the h, which Rey found kind of quaint.

“Bit of an odd duck, I guess. She certainly has a lot of character. How do you know Poe?”

Dax smiled and Rey noticed it was a particularly charming smile, with adorable dimples. “We went to flight school together. I can’t believe he never mentioned me.”

Rey laughed and took another drink of the beer. It must have been a strong brew. Half of the beer and one glass of wine had made her slightly light-headed and prone to giggle. She also hadn’t had much to eat in the last twenty-four hours that had stayed in her stomach.

“Would you like to dance?” Dax asked suddenly, treating her to a particularly dazzling smile. Rey couldn’t help but say yes.

They hastily finished their drinks, then set the empty bottles on a nearby table. Dax took her hand and led her to the dancing.

“Ok, one of the troopers showed me what you do. It’s left foot, right foot, left foot and then spin. Or do you start with the right foot? Hell, we’ll figure it out!”

He saw a break in the swirl of people, and led her in. He kept hold of her right hand in his left, and put his right arm around her waist. Rey threw her other arm around his shoulder, and they were quickly caught up in the tide of swirling forms.

Rey had never really danced before, certainly not with another person, but found that they soon caught the rhythm of it. It was kind of a step-step-step-spin motion, although she never discovered if you were supposed to start with your left or your right foot, and she and Dax had to apologize to each other several times for bruised toes before they both got on the same foot at the same time.

There was something very cathartic about momentarily abandoning her worries about Ben, the Senate, and the future and giving herself over to the music and the mania of the dance. The music never seemed to end. Gradually, it changed from one general tune to another, but there was not a formal beginning or end. There was no time when everyone stopped dancing all at the same time; couples joined or dropped out at whim. Somehow, they had been jostled to the very center of the circle, where the whirling seemed to go at an even faster pace. Then it seemed somehow that they were spinning counter to everyone else. Had the two of them started spinning the other way around? Or was it everyone else who had changed directions?

She got a sudden glimpse of a tall man with a pale face and dark, wavy hair. He passed her so quickly she couldn’t make out his features. She turned and craned her neck to see him again. He seemed to have been walking or perhaps standing still; how had he not bumped into everyone? How could Ben be here, with his bad ankle?

Rey realized Dax was looking at her with concern. “Are you ok? Do you want to stop?” He almost had to shout to be heard.

“I’m ok. I thought I saw someone I knew. Yes, let’s stop.”

He nodded and started to steer them towards the edge of the circle, then they were in the fresh air again, and could stop spinning.

Dax dropped his arm from her waist, but Rey had to keep hold of his shoulder for a few minutes, as her surroundings had continued to spin after they had stopped moving.

“Are you dizzy?” he asked. She thought if she hadn’t been, that smile was enough to send her head spinning.

“Yes, a little. I’ve never danced like that before.”

_Or drunk like that, I’ll wager._

“What?” she asked him, then realized he hadn’t spoken. He looked confused, and she grinned like an idiot. “Sorry, I think even two drinks are two too many for me on an empty stomach.”

“There’s food in the canteen, at least there was earlier. Let’s go see if any is left.”

They were able to grab a few rolls and some thick slices of smoked meat. Dax got them a few flagons of water, and they found a spot to sit at the long tables in the canteen. Dax entertained her with stories of his and Poe’s days in flight school while they ate.

“I can’t wait to tease him tomorrow,” she laughed. She finished her water and stood. “Thank you for the company. I should go get some sleep.”

He nodded and stood, as well. “Sure, I know you’ve been through a lot today. Thanks for humoring me and letting me bend your ear.”

“I should be thanking you. You made me feel like an ordinary girl for a little while. It was nice to forget about my troubles, even if only for an hour.”

He held out his hand to her, but she ignored it and pulled him into an embrace. She kissed his cheek before she pulled away.

“Goodnight!” she said and turned away quickly.

She found Poe and Finn emerging from the dancing with Jannah and another laughing trooper, all of them fairly drunk. They greeted her with cheers.

“The Hero of Exogol!” Poe crowed, and a few around them took up the cry.

“I could punch you in the nose, Sandpaper Boxers.” Rey cried, trying to shush them.

Poe was immediately all seriousness. “Hey, who told you about that?”

“I saw you dancing with Dax,” Finn said.

“That blabbermouth. Did he tell you anything else?” Poe cried.

“He sure did, fly boy. So shut up and find me somewhere to sleep.”

Poe led her to a room, little more than a storage closet with a cot set up in the corner. “I used to catch a few winks here in between missions. The door locks and nobody will bother you in here.”

 _Finally_.

Rey turned to look at Poe, about to ask him why he had said ‘finally’, but she realized at once who has actually speaking to her.

Poe looked at her expectantly. “Were you going to say something?”

She nodded. “No. Or yes. That is- thank you.”

Poe left and Rey shut and locked the door after him. She turned and surveyed the room like she expected to find him standing behind a rack of shelves.

 _Ben_ , she said softly.

 _Yes, I’m here_ , his voice sounded softly in her mind.

Rey realized she was clenching her jaw. She tried to relax it. _Why are you eavesdropping on me? I don’t like that._

_Well, your incessant laughter has been keeping me awake._

Rey gritted her teeth. _I’m so sorry to have disturbed you with my frivolities, Highness,_ she hissed.

 _Look, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry_.

Rey unclenched her fists she hadn’t realized she was making.

 _I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,_ Ben continued. _But I was worried about you. I can feel how tired you are. You almost died four hours ago._

Rey sniffed. _I took a nap._

Ben laughed, a hearty, rich sound. _I’m sorry again for intruding. I’ll try to exert more self-control in the future. The drugs they have me on aren’t helping._

Rey suddenly realized she had never thought to check on him after they landed. _How are your injuries?_

_My ankle is the worst of it, there’s a fracture. My wrist is sprained, and I have a few bruised ribs. They’re giving me an accelerated course of treatment for my ankle, the rest will heal in a few weeks._

_I’m glad you’re ok._

_Get some sleep_ , he said gently, then he was gone.

Rey dropped gratefully onto the cot. She managed to pull a blanket over her and turn off the lights with a wave of her hand towards the control panel by the door before she fell into a deep sleep.


	3. Dreams

She found herself later walking down a dark corridor, the same from her vision on Takodana, with the same bone-chilling dread creeping up on her.

“I’m dreaming,” she said softly, and saw that it was so cold she could see her breath. Usually, the realization that she was dreaming would have been a relief, but this time it only seemed to heighten her panic. Normally, she never sensed anything through the Force in a dream, she only had the normal senses of sight and sound, to a lesser extent touch and smell. But she sensed something creeping behind her in the shadows, something malevolent and powerful. She fought to master her fear, but she was sweating and gasping for air. When the bony hand, more like a claw, descended on her shoulder, she began to scream.

Still screaming, she shot upright in bed, sweat beading on her forehead. She reached out and a staff flew into her hand. With a sweeping arc, she drove it into a set of shelves that stood on the wall next to her. Two of the shelves collapsed, dropping containers of spare parts, which went rolling across the floor.

 _Rey_ , Ben’s voice came to her softly; like a soothing balm, she felt her terror ease. Her breathing slowed somewhat, and her shoulders started to shake as tears poured down her cheeks.

A knock came at the door. Rey brought the staff back up to attack, then saw in the dim light coming from under the door that it was actually a broom, then sensed it was Poe standing on the other side of the door.

“Uh, Rey? You all right?”

“I’m fine,” she managed to croak out. “Just a nightmare.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she replied, a little too harshly.

Poe waited a few moments. “Ok. Good night.” She heard his footsteps as he walked back down the hall. The light outside her door turned off.

Rey fell back onto the bed, letting the broom clatter to the floor. She flung one arm over her eyes and started to cry.

 _It wasn’t real_ , Ben murmured, sending a wave of peace and calm towards her.

 _It felt so real_ , she sobbed. _Are you sure he’s gone?_

_He’s gone. But I don’t know where._

Again, Rey tried to slow her breathing and racing heart. Slowly, her sobbing subsided, and eventually she fell asleep.

  
She began to dream she was flying over a broad, blue ocean. She could feel the wind on her face, smell the salt, hear gulls crying. She must be near the island.  
She looked ahead and could see it, just appearing through a vanishing cloud of fog. Rey saw the familiar rocky peaks, the lush green plateaus. There were no signs of recent fires. It wasn’t the real island she saw, but the one from her memory.

She landed on solid ground, on the grassy field where she had first met Luke. She looked up in surprise when Ben stepped up beside her.

He looked around at the green hills, rocky outcroppings, the brilliant blue ocean that looked like a mirror held up to the breathtaking sky. “Beautiful.”

He turned to Rey and smiled, took in a deep breath. “I’ve always wanted to see it.”

“It is beautiful,” Rey agreed. “I’ve missed the waves. I would hear them at night before I slept, every night on Jakku.”

A bird cry sounded high above them. She raised her right hand to shade her eyes, finger and thumb just above her brows. “Look! An osprey!”

Ben glanced up, squinting at the sun, then held up his hand to shield his eyes, hand above his head, palm up, as he looked up at the bird through his fingers.

“I wish I’d had a place like this, to go to when I was a boy. It’s so peaceful.”

Rey slipped her hand into his. “I hope it helps you. It always helped me, if only for a little while.”

Ben looked down at her, reached out hesitantly with his left hand and brushed a lock of hair back from her face. “I wish I had known you.”

Rey stretched up on tiptoe, drawing Ben down to her. She kissed him simply, savoring the feel of his lips on hers, the warm pressure of his fingers tracing down from her cheek, to her jaw, to her neck. She realized with a shock that she could feel him, the real Ben, behind the image of Ben in her dream.

She drew back, blushing. “I thought I was only dreaming you were here. Is it really you?”

His face fell. “Yes. Does that make a difference?”

Her eyes searched his face as her blush deepened. “I- I kissed you.”

“You thought you kissed a dream. I understand.” He began to pull away from her.

“No, I didn’t mean- please don’t go.”

He hesitated, half-turned away from her. “You don’t have to explain. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

He dissolved away, as did the dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first chapters were originally all one long chapter, but I decided to break them up. Sorry it's short, but they're all usually much longer!


	4. Parting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben leave Resistance Headquarters, Ben is acting strangely.

Rey woke in the morning feeling fairly refreshed. Then she remembered her dreams and felt a little embarrassed. She wished she could sleep a whole night without making a spectacle of herself.

Luckily, no one brought up her nightmares that morning, and throughout that day, she barely thought about it or the dream. The Resistance Fleet were preparing to mobilize. Poe explained that they were needed in all corners of the galaxy to help track down the First Order.

“It’s not over yet,” he said with a lopsided grin.

“What should I do?”

Poe considered her. “The Republic’s reforming on Ardone. You could take Ben and meet them there. From what I’ve heard, they already have some leadership assembled.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’m going to Tython. There’s a hold-out of First Order loyalists there. Finn and the former troopers are going to work with some troopers who surrendered. They’re going to find out where any sympathizers might have fled to.”

“So this is good-bye?”

“For now. We’ll meet again soon on Ardone.”

Poe left right after breakfast. Finn and the New Republic Troopers (as they had dubbed themselves) picked up and left that afternoon. It was a very different place then. The party was over, there were a few squads left, most working on repairs to their ships in the hanger, and the only people she saw as she walked back to the infirmary were administrative staff.

The medic in charge pulled her aside for an official briefing. She told Rey about Ben’s injuries, all of which Ben had already told her.

“When can he be moved?”

“Oh, as soon as needed. The ankle is bound. He’ll have limited mobility on crutches. Ribs are responding well to the kolto treatments.”

Rey thanked the woman, and went into Ben’s room.

Ben turned to look at her and smiled sadly. “I was hoping you would come. The whole place seems to have emptied out.”

Rey dropped into a chair. “Yes, most everyone’s gone. Chewie and the Falcon are waiting for us though.”

“Do you know where we’re going?”

“Poe said the Republic is re-forming a government on Ardone. We’ll present ourselves there.”

He paused, then spoke to her through the Force, so only she could hear. _No one’s ordered you to bring me to Ardone, have they?_ Then he asked aloud, “Will Poe meet us there?”

Rey thought back to him: _No, it was more of a suggestion. “You could take Ben and meet them there.” Why?_ “No, he’s busy with the fleet.”

 _I was hoping you would take me to see the island first._ “Will it take long to get there?”

Rey nodded. “Not long, less than an hour.”

She took a deep breath, then continued talking in a rush. “I think you’re assuming I-”

Ben interrupted her. “I don’t want to talk about it. When can we leave?”

“I’ll check with Chewie. We’ll leave as soon as the Falcon’s ready.”

Rey stood up to leave in a huff. She felt Ben reach out to her as she opened the door and headed to the hanger, a conciliatory gesture.

_I do want to talk to you, face-to-face, out loud. I think we should wait until after we’ve left. I feel like someone’s listening to us._

Rey listened, and she sensed it also- someone was very interested in Ben Solo’s visitors and what was discussed. She thought back over the conversation, and realized how it would have sounded to anyone listening. Part of it would have sounded stiff and impersonal, almost hostile. It would seem like they did not like each other much at all, and even his interrupting her made him seem cold and distant. But why was it so important to him that they give that impression?

Rey shook her head. All this intrigue was too much for her. She’d never had to live like this on Jakku. Maybe this was second nature to Ben, after living so long in the First Order.

Rey found Chewie at work in the hanger. He shouted a greeting and dropped his tools to come embrace her. Rey laughed and surrendered to a long hug.

“I missed you, too.”

He led her through the ship, pointing out repairs he had made. As always, Rey was impressed by his thoroughness and attention to detail. He had even replaced some damaged switches with the pull types she liked on a console to the left of the pilot’s seat. She wondered with a pang what would happen to the Falcon in the future, when she was more settled.

“When can we leave?” she asked, checking her bag in the main hold to ensure the lightsabers were still safely stowed at the bottom. Chewie replied that they could leave anytime.”

“Let’s plan on leaving in an hour.” Chewie replied that he would be ready.

Rey visited the canteen for her evening meal. Dax spotted her and waved her over to sit with him and his squadron.

“I thought I was going to miss you. We were just about to leave.”

“Where are you headed?”

“Farpoint System. There’s a First Order legion there that refuses to surrender. What about you?”

“Not sure. Might just bum around for a while.”

As soon as she said it, she felt guilty. She wasn’t a good liar. What if someone caught her in the lie? What good did it even do to lie to a pilot who would himself be leaving any minute?

But it was too late to tell the truth and still save face. She ate with them, listening to their banter. They adjusted to her easily, no one staring or asking questions Rey felt uncomfortable answering. They mostly seemed to want to give her their accounts for the previous day’s battle.

“-and I’d be guzzard food if it weren’t for this ace,” one of the pilot’s concluded, chucking Dax on the shoulder, and everyone laughed.

A harried woman appeared at the main entrance to the canteen. “Flint Squad, move out. You should have been in the hanger ten minutes ago.”

The squad climbed to their feet at once and began cleaning up their meal with an efficiency that impressed Rey. One pilot asked Rey is she was done with her plate, then gathered it and her utensils when she nodded. He added them to the squad’s dishes and quickly returned them to the canteen staff to be washed.

Dax embraced Rey and kissed the top of her head. “You take care of yourself, understand? Such a wonderful person shouldn’t be unhappy.”

“And you be careful.” Rey pulled back from the embrace and smiled. “I want to hear more stories about Poe soon.”

“We’ll see each other again. I’m sure of it.”

In a flash, they were gone. Rey turned and headed back to the infirmary. A medic was ready with a datapad of forms for Rey to sign to finalize the discharge. Rey wondered why they were asking her to sign and not Ben, but they appeared to be perfectly ordinary forms. She signed “Rey” with on the screen with a stylus and handed them back.

The medic looked them over and pushed them back across the counter to her. “Sorry, have to have a second name.”

“Shouldn’t he be signing these?”

“He signed some, yes. These are specifically stating you agree to be responsible for him and get him to medical care if his condition changes for the worse. It’s a formality, because of his ankle and his ribs.”

“Glad to see busy-work is still thriving,” she said slyly, and added “Skywalker” in the space after her first name. She had to admit it looked better that way.

The medic nodded and turned away. “He’s free to go.”

Rey found Ben sitting in the chair next to his bed, gripping a crutch. The infirmary had provided him with a set of clothes, what appeared to be standard-issue pilot fatigues, as they matched what all the other pilots had been wearing: a long-sleeved black shirt of thin material with blue bands around the cuffs, neck, and bottom edging, a pair of black pants with a stripe running down the outside of the leg. He’d kept his black boots; although they were scuffed, they were clean.

“Ready?” she asked.

Ben stood, tucked the crutch under his right arm. He put his weight on the crutch and bad ankle, testing, then nodded to Rey, and they left the infirmary, with Rey leading the way to the hangar.

Rey thought they attracted a few odd looks, but no one stared at them directly. Chewie bellowed a greeting from the cockpit, but didn’t come out to meet them or offer Ben help this time.

On board the Falcon, Ben settled onto a bench, his right leg propped up on the seat beside him. Rey confirmed he was comfortable, then went to the cockpit for takeoff.

Chewie bellowed when she told him their destination, expressing disbelief that she would take him to Luke’s island, after all the pain they had gone through to keep the location secret from the First Order.

“First, it’s not Luke’s island. It doesn’t belong to anyone except its inhabitants. Second, that’s all over. The First Order is gone, we don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

Chewie grumbled something that sounded like, “Where have I heard that before,” but proceeded with take-off.

Rey made the jump to lightspeed, and she and Chewie fell into a familiar routine, each anticipating the other’s movements. It was a bond that had nothing to do with the Force, just a good pilot and a great co-pilot, who had experience in adapting to his pilot’s habits and complimenting their strengths perfectly.

Rey turned to Chewie once the jump was completed, the blue light of hyperspace filling up the room. “Do you think you could ever forgive him?”

Chewie’s reply was gruff, but his message was kind. Rey smiled. “I think Han would want you to, also.”

Rey laid a comforting hand on his arm as she got up to head to the main cabin. Ben’s eyes were closed, but they fluttered open as she approached.

“How are you feeling?” Rey asked, sitting on an adjacent bench, opening her knapsack, re-checking her packing. On a whim, she decided to refold everything, and dumped the contents out onto the Dejarik table.

Ben shrugged one shoulder. “Not feeling like death anymore.”

Rey nodded curtly. “Good. Can we talk now?”

“Let’s wait until we get to the island.”

Rey sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so secretive. What, do you think Chewie will hear?”

“Maybe I do. I don’t want to give him more reasons to dislike me.”

“Can we talk about anything?”

“I didn’t know I could enter your dreams like that. I didn’t mean to intrude. I don’t know if I can control this.” He leaned his head back against the bench.

“Control what?” Rey stopped folding.

“This connection between us. It has its uses, but it feels like it’s taking over.”

Rey stuffed the clothes back in the knapsack. Chewie roared from the cockpit and Rey stood to go help him land. She stood for a moment, fiddling with a wall console whose casing kept coming off. “Why does it have to be controlled?” she asked, then walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait before posting the next chapter, but I had time this morning. Enjoy! Next chapter has makeout sessions!


	5. Ahch-To

Chewie and Rey landed the ship on the same small clearing as before, but this time Chewie immediately closed the ramp as soon as he saw them disembark.

Ben looked behind him nervously. “He is going to wait for us, right?”

Rey laughed. “Of course he is. He’s just protecting the Falcon against the Menace.” She pointed to a clutch of the little creatures, lightly feathered, which looked up at them with giant eyes.

“What is that?” Ben asked, looking amused as one started biting his pant leg.

“I don’t know what they’re called, but they’re a pest. The Falcon was infested the last time we were here. They started nesting in the upholstery, paneling, started chewing on the wiring. It took Chewie weeks to get rid of them. He won’t risk them getting onboard again.”

She followed Ben’s eyes to the charred ruins across the landing from the Falcon. He sighed. “Another one of my ships you’ve destroyed.”

Rey gazed at the wreckage ruefully. “Well, you destroyed my Sith Wayfinder.”

“I really liked that ship.”

“I really liked that Sith Wayfinder!” Unable to maintain a straight face, she started laughing. “Well, what do you want to see?”

“Where were we in the dream?” He looked up the slope. “Up there?” he indicated the rough-hewn steps.

“Yes. Are you sure you can climb all those steps on that ankle?”

“I’ll be fine. Will you tell me what happened with you and Luke while we climb? Everything that happened since you came to the island?”

Rey agreed. She began to tell Ben about meeting Luke on the grassy plateau, his initial refusal to return with her or train her, how he eventually relented. Rey realized about halfway up that telling the story was distracting her from worrying about Ben’s leg, and to wonder if that was the purpose of the telling.

They reached the level of the stone dwellings. Ben stopped and stared. “Is that where he lived all these years?”

Rey nodded. “Oh, they rebuilt it.”

“Rebuilt what?”

She pointed. “That hut. When Luke found us communicating, he destroyed the hut in a rage. It was the first time he had used the Force since he came here.”

Who rebuilt it?”

“Island natives.” She pointed to a high ridge where squat figures could be seen tending to a gnarled tree clinging to life against a rocky slope. “They don’t like me.” She continued climbing.

“Why don’t they like you?”

“Besides the destroyed hut and the thousand-year-old rock formation I _accidentally_ destroyed during saber practice, there’s the hole I made in the side of a hut with my blaster when I thought I was shooting you.”

“And the fires you set.”

Rey stopped, confused. “Fires? Plural?”

Ben pointed at the twisted remains of the Elder Tree, which had once housed the Sacred Jedi Texts, the ones Rey had found stowed in the Falcon after finding the remaining Resistance survivors on Crait. She’d always wondered how they got there.

“No, I didn’t do that,” she replied, dismayed. “That was a very old tree, thousands of years old.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe it was struck by lightning.

“Maybe,” Rey admitted, but she was certain that was not what had happened.

They continued climbing. Finally, Rey could not resist asking, “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m keeping my weight off my ankle. I put a kind of protective shield around the bone so it doesn’t absorb any stress. I can’t do it forever, but an hour or so, I can manage.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You let me worry needlessly.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You’re right. I should have told you. I’m not used to having someone worry about me.”

Rey shot back over her shoulder. “Well, you’d better get used to it.” She took the final steps at a run. Ben followed as quickly as he could, and found her standing almost on the edge of the field, only a few steps away from the rocky drop-off. Looking down over the edge made her slightly dizzy.

“This is where he was standing,” she told Ben as he stepped up to the edge beside her. “He took the lightsaber from me and chucked it over his shoulder. I found it in the crook of that rock.” She pointed.

It felt good to talk about these things to someone who understood. Ben hadn’t said much, just listened. Hardly anyone ever listened to her like that, without interrupting or asking questions.

She told him about what happened after she left him on Endor, resolving to live out her days on the island, destroying the ship, and her conversation with Luke’s ghost. She had just told him about finding the Sith Wayfinder in the smoking wreckage of his ship, and Luke bringing his submerged X-Wing back up from the water, when she heard a familiar bird cry.

She looked up into the blue dome of the sky and found the osprey right away. Then she noticed Ben had wandered a few feet away, to lean against a rock wall, his right leg held stiffly in front of him.

“Are you ok?” She went to stand beside him, leaning back against the wall.

He nodded. “Just needed to rest.” He leaned his head back to look for the bird, holding his hand up, palm up, to block the sun.

“I did want to kiss you, in the dream.”

He lowered his hand. “I’m glad. I did, too. I should have waited until we could have spoken face-to-face. I was worried you would think I was intruding.”

Rey nodded, looked out across the water, unsure of what to do.

“What happens to us now?” he murmured.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not experienced at any of this. I only had one sweetheart on Jakku, and that didn’t end well. I don’t know what to do when you like someone.”

Ben took her hand and pulled her so she was standing in front of him. He moved his left leg so his knees were shoulder-width apart, and pulled her in close enough so she could feel his breath on her face. He reached up one hand and deftly pulled out the tie that pulled her hair back, so that it tumbled around her face, whipping in the wind.

“I don’t really know either,” he smiled. “Is this ok?”

Leaning against the rocks, with Rey standing at her full height, they could see eye-to-eye. Rey found this oddly intimate. She’d always had to look up to see his face. Rey leaned forward and kissed him gently, briefly, leaning back again. The wind blew her hair into her face. Ben pushed the hair back, cupping her cheeks, and kissed her again, long and lingering this time.

They lost track of time in each other’s arms. Rey quickly discovered that she could _feel_ him, not just his lips on hers, on her cheeks, on her neck. It created as novel a sensation as the shivers running down her spine, to feel a warm glow of love and devotion radiating out from him. Rey felt a particularly strong feeling of adoration as he was gently biting on her earlobe. The combination of these feelings sent a shudder through her. “Ben,” she whispered, hearing her voice as though it came from someone else, breathy and tremulous.

Ben ran his hands through her hair, pushing it back from her face again. He grinned at her, and Rey couldn’t help but grin back. “Sorry, too much?”

Rey shook her head, then admitted, “A little. I can _feel_ you.”

Ben chuckled, tilted her head back to taste her neck again. “I feel you, too.”

Rey giggled, running her fingers through his thick, windswept hair. “I don’t just mean this.”

Ben burrowed his nose into the space between her neck and hair, inhaling deeply. “I know,” he murmured, sending shivers down her back.

Eventually, Ben pulled back, sighing deeply. “We should go back.”

Rey was puzzled. She sensed something new in him, resolute, but reluctant. “Why? We can stay here as long as we want.”

Ben smiled, but the smile didn’t touch his eyes. Rey thought it was a hunted look, and it was like a shadow had passed over the warm sunny day, leaving her cold.

He pulled her into an embrace, arms wrapped tightly around her. “We can’t,” he whispered. “I haven’t told you everything yet.”

He seemed to steel himself then. He stood, once again towering over Rey. He bent and planted a kiss on her forehead as he settled the crutch back in place under his arm.

“If they ask you why we came here, tell them it was to perform an ancient Jedi ritual of Oathbinding. It binds me to you, rendering me incapable of lying to you or betraying you. Even minor inaccuracies or half-truths will weaken me. We can perform the ritual if you want, so you won’t have to lie.”

“What happens if you do lie or betray me, if you perform the ritual?”

“I would die. It’s why the Jedi stopped using it. But we can use it to prove my loyalty. It’s up to you. We’re already force-bonded. If I lied to you, you would know it.”

Rey thought, then said tentatively, “I always hated you.”

Ben looked confused at first, then realization swept over his face. She was testing the bond.

“You never tempted me to the Light,” he replied, and Rey felt like she had bit into something hard and metallic. It sent jolts of tiny, nagging pain, of wrongness, along her jaw and down her back.

“Eugh,” she shuddered. “Let’s not do that again.”

“Agreed. And the ritual?”

“No, that’s barbaric. Besides, it might be necessary to lie to me, sometimes. Better not get caught in a lie, though.”

Ben looked like he approved. “Yes. I hope never to have to. That’s not a very Jedi thing to say.”

Rey pulled two pieces of hair from her temples back into a small bun, leaving the rest hanging down her back. “I don’t know if I am a Jedi. I think I might be something new.”

They began making their way down the steps. Rey thought that the casual observer wouldn’t know anything was different about them. Rey noticed that she was especially conscious of where Ben stood in proximity to her, of his hands. He placed a hand on her shoulder to steady himself, and one finger slipped to the bare skin of her neck. Rey barely suppressed a smile.

“You might have to be careful of that,” Ben said hesitantly. “It’s sweet, but I don’t want anyone knowing how we feel about each other.”

Ben stopped to rest, and Rey looked at him, confused. “Why?” What was he saying? They were finally on the same side, the war was over, but they couldn’t be together?

“It wouldn’t look good for you. If they knew, they would watch you, suspect your motives. Or worse.”

“Worse?”

“This might seem selfish,” he started, then stopped, looking like he didn’t know how to say what he wanted to. He started again. “My life depends on them trusting you. If they don’t trust you, they will never trust me. I could be executed.”

“That will never happen,” Rey immediately rejoined. “I won’t allow it.”

“But then what? We run away to the Outer Rim? We’d be hunted, they’d never just let us go. You’d never see your friends again.”

“What’s the alternative? Hiding how we feel, never being together?” A tear slid down Rey’s check. She rubbed it away with the back of her hand.

Ben stooped and kissed her cheek, swift as a bird. “Don’t cry. Please. We’ll earn their trust. The ritual is only the first part. I have a plan.”

Rey laughed, brushing away her tears. “I should have known you would. What’s the rest of the plan?”

He told her as they began descending again.

“I only found out about them a few months after Crait. Hux has always been a mealy-mouthed cretin, but in one case he was finally useful. He started bragging about things he knew that I didn’t, dropping hints about a secret society. I got as much out of him as I could by implying that he didn’t know anything, and that Snoke would never have trusted him with this kind of information.”

“Secret society?”

“A spy network. An organization of sleeper cells, deep undercover. That’s why I didn’t want to speak on the Falcon. There are probably listening devices installed. It’s been in First Order custody before. I don’t want to speak of this again until we reach Ardone. We don’t know who we can trust.”

“What are we going to do about the spies?”

“I smuggled out rosters of the members. We’ll have to track them down and stop them from carrying out any more work on behalf of the First Order.”

They had almost reached the bottom of the steps. Rey could see the Falcon ahead. She spotted an alcove in the rock to her left, and impulsively pulled Ben into the niche with her, reaching up on tiptoe to kiss him. He grinned against her mouth in a way that made Rey dizzy, leaning over and pressing her back to the rock. Rey jumped up to sit on a little shelf in the rock. This time she moved her legs apart to let Ben stand closer to her, his hands on her back. This time Ben was the one who gasped for air, crying her name in surprise.

“I’m not so pure,” she murmured back, biting his neck, her arms around his waist, pulling his hips into hers.

“I can see that,” he groaned against her hair.

“We could do it right now. Be bonded in more ways than one.”

Ben moaned softly, kissing her again, frantically. It felt like his hands were everywhere at once, in her hair, on her neck, on her waist. Rey pushed her own hands up his shirt, to feel the bare skin of his back.

“I don’t know if we should,” he gasped, disentangling her hands from his shirt.

“Don’t you want to?” she asked, nipping at his earlobe.

“More than anything,” he sighed, finally grabbing her hands by the wrists and pulling them gently back behind her. He gazed at her then, taking in her mused hair, the rapid rise and fall of her breast as she gasped for air, his eyes circling back up to her lips. He kissed her tenderly, a long, slow, steady kiss that somehow burned deeper than both their chaste kisses on the plateau and their rapid tempestuous kisses of just moments ago. He leaned back, with satisfaction in his eyes. “But I don’t want to rush it. When we can finally be together like this,” his cheeks flushed as Rey pinned his hips to hers with her legs, “I want a big bed and hours all to ourselves.”

Rey had to admit he was right. She let him go then, and jumped down from the rock. She went back to the steps tidying her hair, and Ben followed. He seemed to be walking a little stiffer than he had been before.

Rey waved to Chewie to let them know they were ready to come aboard. They clambered on quickly, the flightless birds already trying to scramble aboard. Rey had to use a Force shield to keep them back as the ramp closed, and hold them until the ship had safely pulled away from the ground.


	6. Security

Ardone was a lovely planet, with sparkling blue oceans and lush green land. The main continent had three different climates, lush verdant green forests close to the equator, wide grassy plains in the middle, and tall mountains that gave way to beautiful beaches in the north. They got to see all three at a distance as they flew to the capitol city of Freesia. Officials directed them to land in an open, orderly airport. Hangar staff greeted them courteously, asked if they needed any fuel. Chewie replied that they were still full. One nervous-looking mechanic told them it was an honor to have a ship as famed as the Millennium Falcon on their base. Chewie roared approval at her, at which she only jumped a little.

Officials met them moments later. Rey found them courteous, but aloof. When Rey explained they needed to speak with whoever was in charge immediately, they dissembled.

“Master Rey, there is no one ‘in charge’,” a junior delegate explained. “We are still waiting on planetary elected representatives to arrive before we elect a Chancellor. If you would tell us your needs, we will make sure you are presented before the necessary committee today.”

“It’s a matter of galactic safety regarding the First Order.”

“In that case, the Security Council will see you at once.”

Rey left her knapsack with an aide who promised to have rooms ready for her and her guests when they returned. Chewie decided to stay with the ship until they were done.

Rey and Ben were led to a small chamber, with two security guards stationed outside. Rey spoke to what appeared to be the senior guard.

“Has this room been swept for listening devices?”

“It is constantly monitored by an incorruptible security droid for listening devices, explosives, or any other kind of device of subterfuge.”

Rey tried to feel reassured, but was not very successful. She thanked the guard and entered the chamber.

Seven chairs ranged around the room. Rey was surprised by how bright and cheery the room felt. She had expected to see a replica of the spy show she had seen as a child, a holorecording she had scavenged from a ship, where husky-voiced, brawny intelligence agents met in dark alleys with nervous informants on the greasy, dark industrial planet Corelia.

This room was nothing like that. It was underground for security reasons, but soft yellow lights were hidden in niches around the room, defusing light indirectly throughout the space, creating the effect of a gentle glow.

The chairs were comfortable, with padded seats. Some had arms, others had desks for what appeared to be paper records. That also surprised Rey, as paper hadn’t been commonly used in this part of the galaxy for centuries. Even Jakku was awash with datapads and holocoms, although they were several decades out of date, at least.

Another door opened, and the seven members of the security council entered and took their seats. Rey was surprised to see Commander D’Acy was one of their member. She hadn’t spent much time with her, but had gotten to know her a little at the Republic base, and Poe Dameron always spoke highly of her.

The Commander spoke first. “Good morning, Rey- that is, Master Rey. Welcome to the Security Council. We have been tasked by the New Republic to monitor security concerns, especially regarding the dismantling of the First Order. I am Commander D’Acy, special assignment to the Council by General Dameron.

“To my left,” she indicated an older man, dark-skinned and well-muscled just on the latter edge of middle age, “is Representative Oolon from Corelia. Next to him is Representative Prahdo from Nar Shada,” this was a young Hutt. “Representative Cong is from Ord Mantel,” a young woman with bright green hair and lively brown eyes nodded at Rey. “Representative Morovea is newly elected from Judon,” D’Acy indicated an alien species Rey didn’t recognize, with ethereal pale white skin and large blue eyes. “Next is Representative Pop from the planet Kashykk, of course,” the young Wookie purred a low greeting, “and on my right is Representative Trendon from Ardone.”

As Commander D’Acy finished introductions, small plaques bearing the names and planets of origin of each member lit up on the little tables or armrests, to Rey’s relief. She never could have remembered all of their names.

D’Acy continued. “We were told you have information vital to the security of the Republic, Master Rey.”

Rey smiled a little. “Well, I’m not a Jedi Master, Commander.”

Representative Trendon replied, “We acknowledge you as our guide and only known authority on the Force. You have received training at the hands of a Jedi Master and by General Organa, who never took the title of Master, but was also trained by a Jedi Master. This council will recognize you as a Force Master, with all the rights and privileges that rank accords.”

Rey didn’t know what to say. She stammered out a thank you. _Do you talk or should I?_

_Introduce me, tell them what I told you._

_Ok. Brace yourself._ Rey felt puzzlement from him.

“The reason I’m here is that Ben Solo has presented me with information about a new threat within the First Order.”

“Ben Solo was formerly known to us as Kylo Ren, was he not?” asked Representative Cong.

Rey nodded. “Yes, but he turned from the First Order months ago at great personal risk. He killed Supreme Leader Snoke and helped me kill ten of Snoke’s best guards. I never would have been able to defeat them all without his help. After the Battle of Crait, he was the spy that contacted the First Order.”

She _felt_ Ben shudder at that last outright lie, although she didn’t see any movement from him out of the corner of her eye.

D’Acy looked confused. “General Dameron informed us that General Hux was the spy.”

“That was a diversion to maintain Ben’s cover. He used the Force to persuade Hux to let Finn and Poe go, and to claim to be the spy because we worried Allegiant General Pryde suspected him. Then, at the Battle of Exogol, we defeated the Emperor together.”

“All due respect, Master Rey, how can we know this is true?” Representative Oolon asked.

“Because he is bound to me by an ancient Jedi ritual called Oathbonding. He has pledged never to lie to me or to betray my direct orders on pain of death. I will feel it if he tries to deceive me, withhold information, or tell half-truths.”

“But how do we know for sure this is true?”

Ben stepped forward. “Ask me anything you want to know. I’ll have to tell the truth, no matter how difficult that is for me.”

A wary stillness fell over the room. Representative Oolon broke it, his stern voice ringing across the chamber.

“Did you murder your father, Han Solo?”

“Yes.”

Rey glanced over at Ben, but his face was passive. She turned back to Oolon and nodded. “It’s true.”

“Did you hate your father?”

“No.”

Rey nodded.

“Why did you kill him?”

“I was ordered to kill him by Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“Why?”

“To complete my training, to confirm my allegiance to the Dark Side.” He paused, seeming to search for the right words. “He seemed to feel I would never be able to return to the Light Side after I did that.”

“Have you returned to the Light?”

“Yes.”

“What brought you back?”

“Rey. My mother. Oddly enough, the Emperor.”

“The Emperor?”

“He meant to destroy almost all life in the galaxy. The First Order meant to rule, to bring order to chaos, not to destroy all life.”

Oolon looked at Rey, and she nodded. So far he hadn’t lied or deceived.

“And how did Master Rey bring you back from the Dark Side?” Oolon continued.

“When she first met me, she hated me. Of course she did, I was a monster. I did horrible things. Then she had a vision that I would turn on the First Order, on the Dark Side. She never lost hope that there was still good in me.”

“Do you have feelings for her?”

Ben seemed surprised. “I don’t know what-”

“Romantic feelings. Even Force Masters can be pretty girls.”

Ben flushed slightly. “Yes, she is pretty. Yes, I have had romantic feelings towards her.”

“I don’t need to ask you if that’s true, Master Rey. But I will ask you, do you have romantic feelings for him?”

_Lie._

Rey maintained a level gaze with the representative. She held her head high, almost impetuously. “No, I have never had feelings for him. I never could. He killed one friend, tortured another. It’s impossible.”

Representative Oolon nodded. He reached over his shoulder and pulled a long rope hanging on the wall. A bell sounded dimly in the corridor. The door through which the council members had entered opened and an aide stood at the door.

“Please bring two chairs for our guests, and refreshments.”

Within two minutes, Ben and Rey were seated, with a small table of little cakes and cups of steaming tea before them. Rey wasn’t hungry, but did accept the tea gratefully. She sipped slowly as Representative Trendon began to speak.

“Thank you for answering our questions. We hope you did not find them too tedious. We have to be careful. Ben Solo we find has turned to our side. Any crimes you have committed will be set aside for now, until the threats facing the Republic have been dealt with. At that point, there will be a trial, and your services for the Republic will be weighed in consideration of your crimes against the Republic. Is that acceptable to you?”

“Yes.” Ben’s face was impassive, and he spoke quietly, but clearly.

“Please tell us what brought you and Master Rey to us today.”

Rey sipped her tea, slightly embarrassed that they were calling her Master and not Ben, who had formal training and was five years her senior. If Ben minded, he didn’t show it.

He told them briefly about worming information out of Hux, and his subsequent investigation of a secret society of informants.

“I found a group in the shadows behind the First Order, organized by one person who only goes by the name Brownstone. Although I have not been successful in finding their leader, I have located lists of their members, hidden in almost all levels of Republic life, government, and infrastructure, deep undercover. I was able to smuggle this information out with me.”

He reached into the neck of his shirt and pulled out a flat metal disc on a leather cord. “It’s a databank, new First Order tech. Undetectable and very nearly indestructible.”

D’Acy exchanged glances with the other members sitting near her. “What kind of people are part of this organization? Can they be reasoned with, like most of the troopers?”

“I doubt it,” Ben replied. “These are not conscripts, they’re not even recruits. You don’t volunteer for the Scarlet Order, you’re chosen, indoctrinated, most from birth. Most of them come from families who were supporters of the Empire going back generations. The occurrence of a Republic defector or sympathizer in your background seems to disqualify you. You weren’t even supposed to speak of the Order. Hux had a brother high-up in the Order, I’m assuming that’s how he knew. With my parentage being what it was, I was never told officially of their existence.”

“Not even as Supreme Leader?”

“Most of the First Order never accepted me as their leader. The circumstances of Snoke’s death were too suspicious. That’s why I used Hux as a decoy spy.” The first actual lie he had told made Rey’s jaw twinge.

“Whatever power I did hold in the First Order was only due to fear of my Force abilities, and the Knights of Ren,” Ben concluded.

Representative Morovea spoke in a clear, ringing voice, “What has become of the Knights of Ren?”

“I killed them on Exogol,” Ben replied.

“Did no one else in the First Order have Force abilities?” Representative Prahdo asked, translated by Representative Cong.

“No. I would have sensed any that did. There were a few candidates, but they never survived training with Snoke. I always wondered why, but I suspect that was the Emperor’s doing. He allowed few rivals to thrive, and only for specific purposes. Snoke ruled as the Emperor’s puppet, and I was the puppet’s enforcer. My purpose was to bring the fleet and Rey to Exogol. He wanted to kill her and absorb her powers.”

Another lie, but this one to protect Rey.

“What is the best way to attack the Scarlet Order, in your opinion?” D’Acy asked.

“Start with one cell, extract its members for questioning, a very small group would be ideal. Try to find out if they communicate with each other and how. I suspect they do not, and we can use that against them. Then systematically take out the cells and the leaders they report to, if any. Any members inside the Republic should be captured and held as soon as possible. I’m going to guess you won’t bring many in alive.”

“Suicide?” D’Acy asked.

“Poison pills. They’re common even among troopers. Many prefer it to the indignity of capture. Although most troopers would prefer to turn their blasters on themselves.”

“I’d always wondered why we captured so few prisoners,” the Commander mused. She turned to the rest of the room. “Does anyone else have any questions for our guests?”

When the members had all shook their heads, D’Acy turned back to Rey and Ben. “Very well. We will deliberate and start putting together a team. You’ll join our strike team when they’re ready, Master Rey?”

Rey nodded. “I was hoping to get a few hours of sleep first. It was evening when we left headquarters, and that was hours ago.”

D’Acy smiled. “Of course. The guards will show you to your room.” She pressed a buzzer on her desk. Rey and Ben stood, bowed, Ben trying to bow as well as he could with his crutch, and they left the same way they had come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up the planet name. I can only think of so many canon planet names!
> 
> This episode is a little longer, and a lot of dialogue, but I hope it's not too heavy. Thanks for reading!


	7. Swimming Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice fluffy, domestic chapter

A guard asked them to follow him. He led them down a few corridors, to a lift that took them up two flights to ground level. The lift opened onto a large atrium, filled with warm, bright light from tall windows on the far side of the room. Small groups of people milled about, speaking quietly. The sound echoed back gently from a vaulted ceiling.

“This is where the representatives and delegates gather while the session is in recess. The main chambers are beyond.” The guard pointed to a set of doors set in the middle of the wall with the windows, that led to a short tunnel that connected this compound to a larger structure that looked more like an arena than a meeting hall. Rey realized that as large as this hall was, it could fit into the legislative chamber at least five times.

“The guest chambers are this way,” the guard gestured to a hallway to their right. “You’ve been given accommodations reserved for royalty,” he confided. He led them to a set of double doors that opened on a cozy sitting room, large enough for a dozen people to be seated comfortably. Although richly furnished, the room felt comfortable, informal, and not at all impersonal. Beyond was a dining space that could seat ten. Large floor-to-ceiling windows opened onto a private garden, with what appeared to be a body of water in the center.

Rey gasped. “Is that a swimming pool!” She ran to the window and the guard confirmed her guess.

“I’ve only seen those in old holos. You can really just get in the water and lie there? No one needs that water for washing and cooking?”

The guard eased her fears politely, although Rey realized it must have seemed a silly question.

“No, no one uses it. We have abundant supplies of water on Ardone. No one will miss it.”

Rey laughed. “I forget that sometimes. I’m from a desert planet.” She looked out longingly at the water. “How does it stay clean?”

“The rocks you see, they’re all lined with a naturally occurring moss. It feels a little like soft bark on a tree. It filters out all the bad bacteria and germs that live in the water. You could drink it. We hope you will enjoy it.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I can’t swim.”

“The near side is quite shallow, only two meters.”

“What do I wear?”

“We traditionally wear specially designed swimming clothes. We’d be happy to provide you with a set.”

“I don’t want to be any bother.”

“It would be an honor.” He took a datapad from his belt and pressed a few buttons. “A steward is already on the way. I see that your other companion is on his way up, as well. May I assist you in any other way?”

Rey started to object, but Ben interrupted. “No, thank you. You’ve been most helpful.”

The guard bowed and left, shutting the door behind him. Ben turned to Rey. “You should let them give you some clothes. They clearly want to show off for you.” He crossed to a beautiful stone fireplace in the sitting room, stopping to lay a match to the wood and kindling already laid out. A fire was soon crackling, filling the room with a pleasant cedar scent. On a sideboard, a decanter of beautiful amber liquid stood next to the glasses. Ben pulled out the glass stopper and sniffed appreciatively.

Rey noticed two pairs of doors on either side of the fireplace, and decided these must be the bedrooms. She opened the door closest to her, closest to the wall of windows. A beautiful bed stood to the right of the door, beyond it, more full-length windows and a little door that opened onto the garden with the pool.

Another room opened off from the bedroom, straight back from the bedroom door. Rey oriented herself and realized the atrium must be shortly beyond this room. It turned out to be a washroom with cream countertops, a white sink with a silver faucet, and a beautiful sunken tub built into the floor, with a row of little bottles filled with all different kinds of liquid, some clear, some oily, some cream-colored. She pulled the stopper from one of the bottles and sniffed a bright floral scent. She replaced the stopper and carefully put it back in its place.

 _They’re here_.

Rey came back out to the sitting room. Ben was seated now, watching in amusement as Chewie walked around the room.

“You like it?” Rey asked the Wookie. He nodded.

 _I don’t have to crouch_ , he growled to Rey, then picked up his bags, letting them know he was going to sleep. He asked Rey if she was taking that room, pointing to the door she had just come out of.

“Yes, I guess.”

He pointedly stared at Ben as he opened the door to the room next to hers, as though implying that if Ben should try anything, Chewie would be right next door.

The steward was a pleasant young woman, carrying a small garment bag. She hung the bag from a hook on the back of her bedroom door, and unzipped it to present a few options. First was a bright blue bodysuit that fitted from ankle to shoulder, with a high neckline and long sleeves. The second covered from upper thigh to shoulder, black with no sleeves and modest neckline. The last one was pink, with a lower neck and thinner shoulder straps. Rey selected the black one.

“Would you like me to show you how to work the controls?” The steward offered, and Rey nodded gratefully.

There were small panels on the wall next to the windows, by the bed, and by the door. One switch locked the door, and another blacked out the windows completely. One dial controlled the lights, and they could be dimmed or brightened to her comfort level, and another controlled the opacity of the windows. As Rey turned the dial, the windows changed from perfectly clear visibility to lightly obscured, to a kind of frosty finish through which she could not see, but most of the light still filtered through.

“Can you tell me what these are? This is a bath, right?”

“Yes, you can use it to clean yourself. I like to just lie in it, myself. This button will give you’re the perfect bath water, warm, but not too hot. And the tub interiors will heat the water as long as that switch’s on Press this one to drain the water and turn off the heat. My advice? Take one before bed. You’ll sleep like a baby.”

“How do I start it?” Rey asked.

“I’ll show you. Here.” She twisted the valve to the left. “Fill it up now, then go take your swim, keep the warmer on, then when you come back, pour in a little of this,” she picked out one of the bottles, “and press this button.” Then lay in the bath for a good half hour or more, turn this dial first to dim the lights, with a nice glass of honey wine, if you like. Nothing better.”

“Thank you so much! May I ask your name?”

“Selvyn, Master Rey.”

"No, just Rey, please. And I hope to see you again soon!”

Selvyn smiled, “I hope so, too! Good night, Rey.”

She left the room and shut the bedroom door behind her. Rey ran her hand through the warm water. The faucet shut off automatically as it reached a hand’s width within the top of the tub, and the little valve Selvyn had opened automatically swung shut.

Rey stood up and returned to the bedroom. With the door shut and the windows frosted over, she removed her clothes and pulled on the swimsuit. She felt a little self-conscious going out with bare legs and arms, but then saw a robe hanging on the back of the washroom door, pale blue and made of a soft, thin material. Rey pulled it on and tied the belt and it didn’t feel so strange. She saw a stack of towels by the bathtub, and took one with her.

Ben was still sitting, watching the flames burn in the fireplace. He looked up as she walked in and smiled.

“Like your room?”

Rey sighed. “It’s like a palace. I’m going to go for a swim.”

“You mind if I come? I’ll just sit on the side, I won’t bother you. You’ve never swum before, right?”

“No, you’re right. Probably not a good idea to swim alone.”

Outside, a sandy path led from the door to the pool. A few wicker chairs, low and recumbent, stood around the pool. Ben picked one and turned it to face their windows. He adjusted the back so that he was all but lying flat on his back, and lay down, shutting his eyes.

Rey laid the towel and robe on another chair, and stepped into the water. A few steps were carved in one side, leading to a flat area where the water came up to her waist. She looked toward Ben, unsure if he was asleep.

“I’m not asleep,” Ben murmured.

“What do people do in a swimming pool?” She found the experience novel. The feel of the water on her skin, how quickly it became second nature. The water was pleasant, not too cold, with a clean smell.

“You could try floating on your back. I used to enjoy that when I was a kid.”

Rey gingerly lowered herself backwards into the water. She promptly began to sink, her head going underwater. She felt hands lift her up, supporting her back. She coughed and sputtered, pushing wet strands of her hair out of her eyes.

To her surprise, no one was near her. Ben still sat in his chair, but he was holding his hands out in front of him.

_Sorry. I forgot it’s harder than it seems. Lie back and let the water support you. I won’t let you go._

Rey nodded and tried to lie back, but her muscles were tense.

_Try to relax. Stretch out._

He meant physically, but Rey found herself also closing her eyes, and reaching out with her senses. She found it easier then to reach out her arms and legs.

_Now, take a deep breath. Feel your lungs filling with air. Feel how buoyant your body has become?_

_Yes_.

His hands withdrew slightly; she could still feel them, but she was mostly floating without his help now.

_Now breathe out very slowly. Keep your shoulders back. Try to maintain the same posture you had when your lungs were full._

She felt her body dip in the water as she exhaled, but she did not sink.

_Breathe in again._

As she inhaled, a great calm overcame her. She could hear her breathing in her ears as she normally could not. The comforting cycle of her breath filled her consciousness. She hardly noticed Ben’s hands withdrawing completely.

She opened her eyes, looking up into the dome of the sky above her. For a moment, she fancied she was looking down at a great chasm, an endless sea of swirling clouds, and it made her a little dizzy. Then, a flash of lightning crossed the sky, and Ren gasped. She lost her balance and foundered for a second. Ben’s hands were back, helping her stand upright. Her feet found the bottom of the pool, and she was once again standing in water that came up to her waist.

She turned fearful eyes up the sky. “What was that?”

“Just lightning,” Ben replied. “The normal weather kind. There’s a storm coming in. We should go back inside.”

Rey jumped as a clap of thunder sounded, loud and terrifying. She climbed the steps and returned to her towel and robe. She dried off quickly, then wrapped the towel around her shoulders. The robe was too pretty to get wet, so she just carried it inside.

Ben was right behind her. They had barely shut the door before the rain began.

“That’s a thunderstorm? I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never seen them.”

Another bolt of lightning lit up the room, followed shortly after by a soft rumble.

“It’s not very close. The thunder would be much louder. We’re just on the outskirts of the storm.”

Rey watched the sky a few minutes more, then her attention wandered to the dining room. Food had been laid out on the table, simple fair. Sliced meats, warm bread rolls, cubes of cheese, as well as fruits and vegetables.

“Where did this come from? I just realized I’m starving.”

“I asked the woman who brought your clothes if we could have some food brought down.”

“Selvyn. They’re very hospitable.” Rey sat down and made herself a small plate, pouring water from a metal pitcher into a wooden mug. Ben sat across from her and picked at a bread roll.

“They’re famed for it.” Ben explained. “That and their diplomacy, organization. They have a fast and efficient bureaucracy. The Republic made a wise choice in selecting Ardone to be their next headquarters.”

“Aren’t you hungry?” Rey asked him. He shook his head. “Maybe later.”

“Later? Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I don’t sleep much.”

“What will you do?”

“Brood,” he murmured, staring out at the storm. He turned his gaze back on Rey, seemed to notice her discomfiture. “Don’t worry about me. Maybe I’ll find the library.”

Rey stood, feeling strange about leaving her plate, but she didn’t see anywhere to put it.”

“You going to go straight to sleep?” Ben asked.

“I’m taking a bath. And I’m taking a glass of honey wine with me. Selvyn said it will relax me.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, really. You deserve it.”

Rey turned and smiled at him. “Thank you. Please get some sleep. You deserve good things, too.”

He looked back out at the rain. “A lot of people would disagree.”

In her bedroom, Rey shut the door and dimmed the lights. In the washroom, she removed her still damp swimming suit, laid it out on the countertop to dry, and carefully stepped into the tub.

The water was perfectly warm, the bottom of the tub shaped into a chair, perfect for reclining with her head and shoulders out of the water. Rey picked up the bottle Selvyn had selected, and poured out a small portion of the soap. Nothing happened until she pressed the button marked “agitator”. A small motor started, vibrating the tub, and small openings along the walls of the tub started pushing air into the water, creating streams of bubbles. Rey was soon surrounded by tall banks of fragrant, tiny bubbles, churned to froth by the air jets. She ran her hands through the foam, giggling, then turned off the jets. She preferred the quiet, and settled back with her glass.

The wine was crisp and slightly fruity, honey sweet and smooth. Rey felt her mind go blank as every muscle relaxed. She took another sip of wine, noticed a button marked “music” and pressed it. Through hidden speakers, a jaunty tune filled the room. She pressed it again and the music stopped, to be replaced by relaxing tones produced by instruments that sounded like wind. The music was slightly melancholy, but pleasant. Rey took another drink from her wine.

She felt herself start to drift off, and jerked back to waking.

“This bath is a little too relaxing,” she murmured to herself.

She decided to wash up ad go to bed. She looked at the row of bottles, in all different colors and consistencies.

_Ben, which of these is for your hair?_

She heard Ben inhale sharply. _Are you still in the bath?_

_Yes_

_You’re naked._

_Don’t be such a prude. What do you think?_ She held up a few bottles so he could see.

_Probably that white one? I don’t know._

_You’re so grumpy. Just asking._

She poured some of the pearly cream into her hand and rubbed her hands together to make a light lather. Applied to her hair, the product foamed lightly, as she rubbed it into her scalp. By dipping her head back into the water, she rinsed the soap out, and was pleased with how clean her hair felt after. She drank the rest of her wine in one gulp, hit the button to drain the water, and stood up.

_Shit._

Rey reached out and whipped a towel from the stack into her hand. _Ben, were you still watching me?_

_Yes, sorry. I’m not anymore._

She sniffed indignantly.

 _You called me_ , Ben reminded her.

 _For a quick question, not to spy on me_. Rey stepped out of the tub, picked up a second towel for her hair.

_You looked so cute, washing your hair. I just kept watching. I didn’t realize you were about to get out._

Rey couldn’t help but smile. _Maybe I’ll have to start announcing my next movements._

He was quiet a moment. _I told you some control was necessary._

Rey frowned at having her words used against her. In her bedroom, she noticed some clothes on a shelf in her closet, and selected a nightgown, pale pink and silky.

 _I’m dressing now_. She closed her eyes and mentally erected a wall between her mind and Ben. She could still feel him behind the wall, but couldn’t see him or hear him. It felt a little strange at first, but she liked the privacy it afforded him.

She finished drying off, towel-dried her hair once vigorously, then pulled on the nightgown. She found a hairbrush in a drawer on the beside table, and combed through her hair once to remove the tangles. Going back into the washroom, she found a toothbrush, and quickly cleaned her teeth and rinsed her mouth.

The long day was starting to catch up to her. By her count, she had almost been awake for twenty-four hours. She pulled back the bedcovers, which consisted of a thick and fluffy top blanket and a thinner, soft layer underneath. Two fluffy pillows were too tall for Rey, she moved one to her side.

Once she pulled the covers up to her chin, she lowered the wall. _‘Night Ben._

_Sleep well._

She smiled against the soft pillow, the luxurious weight of the blankets cocooning her. _No good night kiss?_

She opened her eyes a crack and saw Ben, smiling wryly. He had also got into bed, but her was sitting up with a datapad in his hands, a dim lamp lit over his head.

“So did you find the library? She asked.

“No. It was in the nightstand. It’s pretty boring, but maybe it’ll put me to sleep.”

“What are you reading about?”

“The imports and exports of Ardone.”

Rey laughed.

“Next up is the climate and agriculture of the Northern continent, which is cleverly called North Ardone.”

“It is memorable,” Rey observed.

Ben leaned over, then. Rey could feel a depression in the mattress on her right where he put his hand to support his weight. He leaned toward her, and Rey sensed his intent to kiss her forehead. She tilted her head back just in time to catch his lips on hers. But he stopped, either because he sensed her movement or just predicted it. He hovered just above her mouth, tantalizing her.

“Not fair,” she murmured, trying to stretch her neck forward to reach him. He pulled his head back just out of her reach, grinning.

After a moment, he bent his head and kissed her gently on the mouth, just a peck, a compromise.

“Sweet dreams. Go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m screaming, just realized I wrote that Rey was from a dessert planet, not desert. Lol. Proofreading fail!


	8. The Mission

It only seemed a few hours later, someone was knocking on her door. Rey sat up and switched on the light. She unblocked the windows, but the view hardly changed; it was still dark outside. She blacked out the windows once more.

Rey got up and pulled on her robe before opening the door. Ben and Chewie were standing in front of the fireplace, which had burned down to embers. A guard stood waiting for her with a small bundle of cloth.

“Master Rey, the Security Council awaits you. There is time to get dressed and break your fast, then I’ve been asked to escort you to the Council chamber.

Rey yawned and nodded. “I’ll be right out.”

“If I may take the liberty, Commander D’Acy asked me to give you these clothes, and this message.”

He handed her a small bundle, with a note. Rey thanked him and shut the door. Unfolding the card, she read: Rey, I hope you don’t mind. I procured these clothes for you with the goal of making you less conspicuous on the planet to which you’ll be travelling. It’s important you don’t stand out.

She opened the bundle and found dark grey pants, full-length instead of the cropped kind she normally wore, and a long-sleeved tunic of the same dark grey. Over it all would go a long coat, and a pair of tall boots. Rey pulled on the pants and the tunic, leaving the coat and boots, as they were far too warm to wear indoors.

Rey brushed her teeth and hair, pulling her hair back from her eyes with a little clip she’d found in one of the washroom drawers. Once clipped in, it held her hair securely back, but let the rest fall down her back.

She came back out into the common area. Appetizing smells wafted over to her from the dining table, where enough food for ten people seemed to have been served. Chewie and Ben were already seated, and Chewie seemed to be happily eating enough food for ten. Rey helped herself to some biscuits, strips of smoked meat, and something that looked like eggs cooked with red vegetables mixed in. She poured herself a cup of coffee, sweet and strong. They ate quietly. Rey was relieved to see that Ben ate more than he had the night before, though that was only a few pieces of toast and a cup of coffee.

Rey finished her meal quickly, swallowed the last of her coffee, and returned to her room to strap on the knee-high boots and the belt that held her lightsaber and blaster. She carried the coat, already feeling overheated.

Ben offered to carry it for her, and Rey agreed gratefully. “I’m not used to these long-sleeves and pants. We must be going somewhere cold.”

The guard led the way to the Council chambers. He knocked on the quest entrance, and a buzzer admitted them. The council members quickly seated themselves. Rey noticed that Poe was sitting in an eighth chair next to D’Acy.

Once everyone was seated, with Ben, Rey, and Chewie in the center, D’Acy began without preamble.

“We’ve analyzed the data Ben provided us, and completed preliminary capture of all inter-Republic Scarlet Order members. The intelligence has proven to be at least partially correct: several Republic soldiers swallowed poison pills as soon as they realized they what was happening. Some are claiming they have no idea why they’re being held and state emphatically they have no knowledge of any secret order. Strange thing is, our interrogators have yet to mention anything about secret orders or double agents.”

“What are you asking them?” Ben asked.

“Very little yet. Most have been left in a room with a cot and facilities, been given food. We confiscated their weapons, but they hid their suicide pills somewhere undetectable. We haven’t discovered where they’re hidden yet.”

“Could be a false tooth or under a nail bed,” Ben suggested.

D’Acy nodded her thanks. “We’ll watch out for that. General Dameron, would you like to brief us on the first mission?”

“We should move to the Mission Room so I can show you the layout,” Poe replied.

The council agreed, and stood, filing to the double-doors. Poe waited behind for Rey.

“Are you leading the mission?” she asked the pilot.

“Yes, but we shouldn’t talk about it when the doors are open.”

“Can you tell me what the Mission Room is? Why is it a separate room?”

“Sure. You might have noticed the Council chamber is free of any electronic devices. We write on paper, use manual bells to summon guards. To prevent any listening devices of any kind. But it’s hard to make tactical plans that way. Hence the Mission Room. It’s still pretty secure, but not completely safe. So we use code names for people, places. Never mention the name of the organization, we just call it Black Hole.”

They walked down the corridor, and turned down another corridor to an unmarked door. D’Acy put her hand palm forward against the wall next to the handle. The lock clicked, and D’Acy swung the door open, held it as everyone filed in, then shut the door securely behind them.

Rey’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the light. It was abnormally dim, “to disrupt visual recording devices,” Poe explained.

Poe switched on a display, backlit with red. A planet showed, densely populated. “Planet A,” Poe said. “Industrial setting, mostly. We’ll be visiting a city, near the south pole. Pretty cold, fully dark 18 out of 26 hours in the day, as the south continually faces away from their system’s sun. Hence the coats.”

He hit a switch and the display advanced to a map of a city.

“City One,” Poe said. “We’re headed to a cluster of abandoned factories here,” he pointed. “Building Hyphen.” The display changed to a floor plan. “We think the Black Hole are on this floor, but we’ll obviously sweep the whole building. We’re going to be on the lookout for false walls, hidden room, and cellars.”

“How many are coming?” Rey asked.

“We debated that. Smaller the party, the smaller the chance of word getting out, but we need to be prepared with a large enough force to meet the threat. I won’t say exactly how many. But I can tell you we’re aiming for a 1:2 ratio.” Poe motioned with his hand below the display. He held up three fingers, first finger and third and fourth fingers, palm up. He rotated his hand so palm was facing down, and Rey understood that the ratio should be reversed. They would bring two ground forces for each insurgent they expected to meet.

“I’ve assigned a team that I’ve worked with for a long time. I trust these soldiers completely, and they’ve passed rigorous screening. We tested them under truth serum in the middle of the night, and no one even asked why. They’re hard-nosed.”

Rey nodded.

“Other questions?” Poe paused a moment, then continued. “I’ll have plans for other bases on other planets; if we aren’t successful on the first planet, we’ll keep going.”

“Successful?” Rey asked tentatively.

“Mission goals will be elaborated on when we reach the planet’s surface. Now, Chewie, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to stay behind on the ship.” He nodded when Chewie roared his disapproval. “I know, man.”

D’Acy spoke up. “We had to make a hard decision, Chewbacca. Unfortunately, you do stand out, and there aren’t many Kashykk on the planet you’ll be visiting. But we welcome your experience as pilot, and you can go into the field after the perimeter breach to help subdue any remaining forces.”

Chewie roared his approval.

“For the same reasoning, you will also not be traveling in the Falcon,” D’Acy continued. “It’s far too noticeable, and we’re not expecting any air resistance. We’ve arranged for a modest transport, something that blends in.”

Rey nodded again. “I understand.”

“Then Rey, Chewie, let’s move out.” Poe headed toward the door.

Realization washed over Rey when Ben didn’t move to follow them. “What about Ben?”

Poe stopped by the door, but didn’t reply. He used his palmprint to open the door. “Can I talk to Rey a moment?”

“Of course,” D’Acy said as she led the council members out. “I’ll show Chewbacca to the ship so they can get acquainted.”

Poe shut the door and came back to stand across from the display, next to Rey. Ben turned aside to look at the plans again. “This isn’t necessary,” Ben sighed. “Of course he doesn’t want me to go.”

“Why not?” Rye asked Poe.

“I’m not going to dance around it. I don’t trust him.”

“But you trust Finn. And so do we all.”

Poe gaped at her. “That’s not the same!”

“I don’t see how it’s different. They both turned from the First Order.”

“He murdered Han Solo!”

“Don’t pretend like you care about that, you didn’t even know him. Leia knew there was good in him. She never gave up hope that he would come back.”

“Probably so she could slap the shit out of him.”

Ben surprised them both by bursting into laughter, which he quickly suppressed. “Probably.”

“Glad you think this is funny,” Poe sniped.

Ben shrugged elegantly. “Sorry to interrupt you while you were talking around me like I’m not here,” he shot back.

Poe ignored this and turned back to Rey. “Finn earned my trust.”

“But you earn trust through action. If you won’t let him do anything, how can he earn back your trust?”

“That’s not my problem. The security of the mission is all I care about. He endangers it. He’s not coming and that’s final.”

“Fine, but just for the record, you’re making a mistake. I’m not the right choice for these missions. I know nothing about working with a combat unit; I’m a Force intermediate at best; I have power but no experience and little control. I’m not comfortable doing this alone, and I’m worried I’m going to get everybody killed, like I almost got Chewie killed.”

She saw Poe glance over her shoulder at Ben, and then back at her. His expression softened. “You know, you’re not my second choice. You’re my first choice, 100%. We’ll teach you to work with the squad. You’ll learn to develop your power. You think I went to school to be a squad leader, to lead missions? Of course not, there was no time. You’ll learn. But you have our trust, and that can’t be taught.”

Rey looked closely at the floor plan, and Poe pretended not to see her eyes misting over.

“You’re not alone,” he said, clasping her shoulder before heading toward the door.

Ben was quiet, unmoving as Rey wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “It’s not fair,” she murmured.

She felt a wave of hurt and guilt from him. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. I wish I could go with you.” _I’ll be right there if you need me._

Rey moved, suddenly compelled to action. She touched Luke’s lightsaber like a talisman, pushed a tendril of hair on her temple back behind her ear, nodded, and turned to follow Poe. Since there seemed to be no avoiding this assignment, she steeled her will and decided to get it over with as soon as possible.

Ben followed her, handed over her coat, and headed back to their quarters. Poe’s eyes followed Ben’s back as he shut the door behind them. “Hangar’s this way,” he told Rey, hardly glancing at her.

Rey followed through a series of corridors. She was relieved to find the hangar was kept at a colder temperature than the living quarters. Poe led her to a plain ship, civilian in appearance, capable of carrying a dozen people comfortably, with a modest engine. D’Acy was right, this ship would blend in.

Standing outside the ship were ten men and women, dressed in civilian clothing similar to Rey’s, carrying blasters. Rey admired how at ease they seemed. There were no nerves here, no jitters. If they were concerned, they didn’t show it, and Rey found their confidence infectious.

Poe introduced his team with nicknames; for security, Rey supposed. Griffon, Tortoise, Spring, Giggles, Strawberry (who had long, brilliant red hair which she swept up under a hat while they were waiting), Copper, Bright Eyes (a humanoid woman whose eyes flashed a bright, unhuman purple at Rey; she hid them behind a tinted visor), Mountain, Professor, and Squeak.

“Man, I hate that name!” the last one introduced complained. He was clearly the youngest and the shortest in stature.

“Term of endearment, kid,” Poe explained unconcernedly. “Team, this is Sparkles.” Rey turned to stare down Poe. He smirked. “Randomly selected,” he lied.

“And what’s your code name?” Rey asked, implacably.

“Wings,” the squad chorused back.

“That’s right. Everyone, load up.”

While the squad trotted up the ramp onto the ship, Rey stood next to Poe and hissed under her breath, “Sparkles?”

“You know, cause of that one time?”

“You really think that’s a good idea? That’s not something I particularly proud of, and you advised me never to speak of it.”

He shrugged. “No one will know what it means. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them it’s because of your sparkling personality.”

Rey rolled her eyes and stamped on board.

“See, there it is,” Poe quipped, following her up the ramp and closing it behind her.

Chewie started up the engines and Poe entered coordinates for their destination, then turned to address the squad.

“Everyone, listen up. Our objective today is to capture members of Black Hole. We need at least one, but the more the better. We’ll breach in groups of three. Griffon, Giggles, and Copper: Group One. Mountain, Squeak, Spring: Group Two. Professor, Bright Eyes, and Tortoise: Group Three. That leaves me, Sparkles, and Strawberry. We’ll land and approach on foot. We’ll split up and meet on site, surrounding the building. We’ll stagger our departures so we don’t draw attention. We want to maintain the element of surprise for as long as possible.

“Once inside, be prepared for suicide pills. Also, there might be kids. Try to use your stunners first. If they fire at you, fire back, but aim for legs and arms before you take lethal shots. Keep comms open, but try not to use them. I’m circulating codes, try to memorize them.”

Poe handed Rey a card with a few phrases on it.

I’m home – breaching perimeter

Stopping for drinks – we’ve been delayed

Going for a walk – civilians in danger

Looks like rain– abort

“Sparkles, you may not know, but on my teams, anyone can abort for almost any reason. I trust you all to make these decisions, based on your judgment and experience. That said, please don’t unless something really goes wrong. These first missions are crucial to discovering the inner workings of Black Hole.

“Lastly, we cannot, can _not_ let anyone escape. They could warn others, and the element of surprise is pretty much all we have. If they get wind, they’ll scatter and it’ll be like trying to catch dust, it’ll never happen. Bring them in alive or take them down.”

The squad was silent as they considered this directive. “It’s a hard order to take, and I don’t enjoy giving it. You know that’s never how I’ve operated. But guys, this could be the beginning of the end. This is how we finally go home.”

Rey sincerely hoped that was true, but worried privately that it wouldn’t be as simple. The team seemed energized, though, and Rey tried to seem confident.

Chewie announced that they were landing. Rey shrugged into her coat. Putting her hands into her pockets, she found they were decoys, that she could reach through to her saber and blaster.

“Alright, you all know where you’re going? Remember, act casual. Confirm your route on the map before you leave. I would tell you to stay frosty, but it’s colder than a wompa’s…nose out there, so no worries about that.”

“Nose?” Spring laughed.

“I don’t use crass language in front of Squeak.” He waited for the laughter to die down. The squad stowed their blasters in the false pockets of their coats.

“Group One, head out. We’ll stagger five minutes between groups. Breach is in twenty minutes. Wait for my signal.”

The first team left, hats pulled down low, scarves thrown over the lower halves of their faces. Rey fiddled with the clasp of her blaster’s holster on her thigh. Poe was keeping track of the time elapsed on his wrist display.

“So, what is our friend’s code name?” Rey asked him. Poe shot a sidelong glance at her, then looked back to his wrist. He tapped the display, and it showed him updates on Team One’s location on a grid-like street map. He tapped it again, and it returned to the time.

“How about Grumpy?”

Rey grimaced, but had to chuckle.

“Stabby? Dickhead? Tall Guy? Take your pick.”

“Tall Guy?” Rey smiled.

“Ok, that one’s not as good. They can’t all be winners.” He checked the timer. “Group Two! Fifteen minutes to breach.”

He checked the map again. Group One had taken a loop west and north of the building, while Group Two headed East.

“So what do you want to say about Twinkle Toes?” Poe asked, switching back to the time.

Rey shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t want to say anything. You’ve clearly already made up your mind.”

Poe shook his head. “You’re the only one who thinks that guy’s anything but bad news, you know that? And if you bring up Princess again, I’ll never speak to you again, I swear.”

Rey started to speak again, but Poe cut her off. “C’mon Sparkles, let’s stay on mission here. We can fight about Drama Queen later. Team Three! Ten minutes!”

Rey moved away from Poe, fiddling with her blaster again. Strawberry approached her, offering her a hat.

“The locals all wear them,” she explained.

Rey accepted the grey close-fitting cap and pulled it onto her head, where it caught on her hair clip.

“Here, let me help,” Strawberry carefully removed the hat and the clip from Rey’s hair and handed them back. Rey stowed the clip in the breast pocket of her coat, then put the hat back on.

“I’m really excited to be on your team,” Strawberry confided. “When we get in there, Wings will go first. Do you want me to go second, or bring up the rear?”

Rey considered. “I should go second. I really should go first, actually.”

Strawberry snorted a laugh. “He always goes first. Don’t take it personally.”

Poe pulled on his coat and zipped it. “Ready?” he asked, looking at Rey but including Strawberry in his question.

Rey nodded. “Ready,” Strawberry said, winding a scarf around her head.

“We’re heading out,” Poe called to Chewie. “Close the ramp after us and wait for my signal.”

Chewie roared back an acknowledgement. Rey put her earpiece in, just in time to hear Poe turn on his comm, say “Five,” then shut his line off.

“Let’s go,” he told Rey.

Rey felt as queasy as she had on Takodana, being hunted by the masked Kylo Ren. Her nightmare came back to her then, standing in the dark while a nameless terror crept upon her from behind. She shut her eyes a moment, shutting everything else out.

_Ben._

_I’m here._

She breathed a deep sigh.

_You can do this. Stay close to Poe. You’ll be fine._

Rey opened her eyes and stepped down the ramp. Poe lead them away from the ship, as the ramp closed behind them. Rey took a look around her. The sky was slate grey, clouds floated so low she felt she could reach out and touch them. The buildings were run-down, close to falling apart. Weeds grew up through the concrete. The few people she saw barely lifted their eyes from the pavement.

Poe took her arm. “This way.”

They walked silently, just one block east and two blocks north. They barely saw anyone on the way.

“Good,” Poe remarked. “Not populated.”

When they reached the building, they loitered by the south doors. Poe turned on his mic. “I’m home.”

Four teams at once kicked down doors on north, south, east, and west sides of the building. Rey pulled out her blaster and lightsaber.

“Keep the lights show under wraps until you need it,” Poe whispered back to her. She nodded. The bottom floor was completely empty and silent. The four groups were staring at each other across a wide, vaulted space. Stairwells stood to the north and south. Poe motioned to Team One and Two to take the north stairwell, and Team Three to follow him up. Rey quickly unzipped and slipped out of her coat as they headed to the stairs, dropping her hat on the steps behind her. She kept her blaster up. At the first floor, Poe directed Team Three to check that floor, while he, Rey, and Strawberry continued to the next floor.

At the top floor, Rey pushed the door open with the Force, and Poe led the way in. There was a hallway with pairs of doors leading off the corridor at twenty-meter intervals. Rey held her hands up before Poe and Strawberry could proceed. She shut her eyes, sensing out for life signs. All she could feel were Group One on the other side of the floor.

She shook her head to Poe. “There’s no one here,” she whispered.

Poe and Strawberry walked to the first door, and opened the doors. Poe quickly moved on to the next door, “Damnit!” he yelled. Rey checked the first room. There were two bodies on the floor, a boy and a woman, faces pale. Rey reached down and touched the boy’s throat, feeling for a pulse she knew wasn’t there. He was still warm.

The rest of the floor, and the entire building, was empty of living people. Everyone had swallowed their suicide pills. They had failed.


	9. Ben Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but it's the last one I have completely finished, so from here on out, I will publish as I write. Hope you enjoy! First chapter from Ben's POV.

_They’re all dead._

Ben opened his eyes. He had been floating in the pool, possibly for hours. He’d lost track. The weightlessness of the water helped him stretch out his Force senses. Rey had suggested the possibility to him, if unknowingly. When he told her to reach out, she had reached out with her Force abilities, and she hadn’t realized how far she was able to reach, or how strong her grasp was.

The clarity and tranquility of the pool far extended his senses. It was funny, a year ago he never would have believed that peace and serenity, not passion and violence, were a possible path to increased Force strength. Now he was floating on his back in a pool to follow the girl from Jakku as she stormed an old factory on a piece of shit planet at the ass-end of the galaxy.

_I saw. They were monitoring security holos trained on the front doors. As soon as they saw you kick down the doors, they took their pills._

_You saw all that?_

_Yes._

_Did they send any kind of signals first?_

_No, not that I saw. Hurry to the next location. May I make a suggestion?_

_Yes, what is it?_

_You should go alone. Knock everyone out._

_How would I do that?_

_A Force blast. Keep the squad a block away while you do it, just in case. Catch the Scarlet Order off guard before they see you coming._

_What about civilians?_

_They’ll just be knocked out for an hour or so. Shouldn’t be any lasting damage._

_I don’t know, that still sounds kind of drastic._ There was a pause. He could feel her frayed nerves through the lightyears between them. _But then again, it’d be nice not to see any more dead children._

Ben heard her sigh that she held back. _How are you holding up?_

_I’m fine. I have to talk to Poe, see if I can convince him to let me try this._

_Remember, you’re the Force Master. Don’t ask; tell him._

He felt Rey’s hesitance. _I’ll try. Thank you, Ben._

She was gone. Ben sat up, and swam to the stairs. He looked up at the thin blue sky, not as bright as it had been yesterday. He had been reading about Ardone weather, particularly this far north. It was spring now, but the weather was unpredictable, and winter storms could creep up without warning. The thunder storm of the evening before had vanished, but Ben felt it was colder than it had been the day before.

Or maybe he just didn’t like being alone.

Ben waded out of the water and toweled off quickly. Now that he was back in his body, he realized he was exhausted and starving. He needed to eat, maybe sleep a few hours, before he attempted to connect with Rey again over such a great distance.

He went inside. The breakfast had been cleared a long time ago, replaced by one tray of food, since he was the only one in the quarters not off-planet. He poured himself a glass of water and ate a bowl of leafy greens and assorted fruits, followed by a bowl of rice and cooked vegetables, all deliciously seasoned. His hunger satiated; he went to Rey’s bedroom.

She had left the door unlocked. He opened the room and gazed around, and into the washroom beyond. She had left her clothes strewn about on the floor, her wet towel on the bathroom floor. He supposed someone who wasn’t used to having much space wasn’t used to picking up after herself. Not much cleaning up to do when you have nothing. He picked up one of her pillows, the one lying cross-wise across the bed. He held the pillow to his face, inhaling her scent. It smelled like the floral soap she had bathed in the night before, but behind that was her scent, her sweat, which had become so familiar to him.

He gathered up the dirty clothes, placed them in a hamper that stood by the bed. He knew a lot about this kind of kept life, with servants always a moment away, this privileged palace life he swore he would never live. Someone would be along eventually to wash the clothes, change the bed. He took Rey’s pillow with him back to his own bedroom. He changed into a pair of pajama bottoms, and settled in for a quick nap, hugging the pillow to his chest. With Rey’s scent in his nose, and her face in his mind, he fell quickly into a dreamless sleep, ready to wake the moment she called out to him.


	10. Going Rogue

“Absolutely not,” Poe cut in immediately when she made her proposal to approach the next base alone. “No one ever goes in alone.”

“But I can stop all this before it starts! No one has to die!” Rey protested.

“I don’t understand why we can’t go with you while you do this.”

“I don’t have control yet, I might knock you all out as well.”

“How many times have you done this?” Poe asked as he read through a datapad on the next planet they were in route to.

She shook her head.

“Not even in practice?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure I can do it.”

“No, no way.”

Rey was starting to get frustrated. “What about all that stuff about getting experience in the field? Unless you want me to try it on you, first!”

Poe laughed, a dry and mirthless sound. “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I know this is frustrating. All I can say is if you get a chance to use your power and not hit any of us, do it. And you’ll get your experience, but you can’t do it all in one day. We’re landing in 5 minutes. Are you hungry?”

Rey sighed and turned away. “No, I’m not hungry.”

Despite her protests, she went back to where the squad were eating. Strawberry offered her a packet of something brown and liquid. Rey crinkled her nose and shook her head.

“I know. Looks like crap. It tastes ok, though. It’s supposed to be beef stew.”

“That’s ok, I’m not hungry. I just had to get away from Wings up there.”

She smiled knowingly. “Yeah, he’s a hard-ass. He’s a good leader, but he can really bust your chops sometimes.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

Strawberry chuckled, “Ten years. Wings and I have been working together for the last three.”

Rey thought back to the dead bodies on the floor. “I don’t know how you’ve done it all this time.”

“Almost there, squad,” Poe announced. Troopers stowed food packs, grabbed their blasters and helmets.

Strawberry turned to Rey. “Let me give you the same advice I got when I was green. Develop a thick skin. It sounds hard, but it comes down to compartmentalizing. Don’t linger on it too much, keep your mind and your hands busy. It sounds callous, but it’s the only way to do what we do and not break down.”

Strawberry stood up and put on her helmet, checking her blaster. She laid a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Hope that helps.”

“Not right now,” Rey smiled half-heartedly. “But I’ll try to work on that thick skin.”

“And feel free to tell Wings to stop being an asshole.”

A familiar fluttering in her stomach told her they were making the descent to the planet’s surface. This one was warmer, thankfully, so coats and scarves were stowed away for now. Poe gave a brief rundown of the terrain, another industrial setting, a mostly abandoned area of the city. The target this time was a derelict warehouse.

“I’m sensing a pattern,” Rey observed.

“Yep, looks like the Black Hole has a type.”

As Rey looked out through a viewer screen at the abandoned urban landscape below, she had an idea, the beginnings of a wicked plan. Poe would hate it, but she knew Ben would love it. She chewed her bottom lip, feeling momentarily conflicted. She glanced over at Poe, trying to mentally calculate how much he would lose it. If it got the job done, would he really have that much call to complain?

Rey stood up, deciding it was worth alienating one of her only friends. It might get them all home that much quicker, and in one piece.

When the ship landed, Rey stood nonchalantly by as the ramp lowered. Before anyone else could make a move, the others had to wait for Poe to give the go-ahead, Rey ran down the ramp. She ignored Poe’s shouts, running down the street, her hand reaching behind her to use her power to close the ramp, holding it closed in her mind as she ran. At first she was surprised that he didn’t start yelling over the comm in her ear, but then she knew he didn’t dare give her away by using the comms.

She smirked. All the better. She really didn’t want to listen to it anyway. It was only a few minutes to the Scarlet Order base. Rey didn’t approach for fear of being spotted, but stood across the street. She let go of the ship’s ramp to focus on the building in front of her. She shut her eyes and _pushed_ as hard as she could. A sonic wave reverberated out in front of her, creating a mini dust storm. She focused the blast as well as she could to the fifty feet in front of her that would encompass the building. She couldn’t tell if she had been successful. She reached out to Ben.

 _Did you feel that_?

She didn’t get a response from him right away. She tried again. _Ben?_

 _Huh- yes. I’m here_.

_Were you asleep?_

She could sense the warm fuzziness of his mind, the disorientation and muddled thoughts. _I…was taking a little nap, yes._

Rey laughed to herself. _Sorry, I really didn’t mean to wake you. I tried the stunning blast._

_You talked Poe into it, huh?_

She hesitated, turning to see Poe running towards her, murder in his eyes. She started to get truly scared at the look on his face, realizing fully what she had done. _No, not exactly._

She heard Ben guffaw. _Well done. I knew you weren’t a Jedi._

She winced. _Ok, thanks, good talk!_ She cut off the link, then.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA-!”

Strawberry tried to head him off. “Hey, shouldn’t we see if it worked before you bite her head off?”

Poe rounded on Strawberry next. “You put her up to it, didn’t you?”

Strawberry’s eyes narrowed, and she pulled herself up to her full height.

“I had no idea what she was going to do, and if I had, I would have told you! You want to just assume everyone’s against you, Sandpaper Boxers?”

Poe fell back slightly, a wounded look on his face. “That was seriously uncalled for, but your point is made. Let’s check out the base before we draw attention to ourselves.”

They breached the perimeter, from one door this time. Rey guessed that they had either completely lost the element of surprise, or the inhabitants of the building were knocked unconscious or dead. Either way, it didn’t matter how they entered now.

This building had long winding corridors instead of the big open courtyard on the first floor. Poe led the way down a hallway.

“I can sense people,” Rey said. “Check this room.”

Strawberry kicked down the door and Poe followed her, blasters up. One young woman sprawled back in a chair, head rolled back, eyes shut. Poe carefully checked her pulse.

“She’s alive.” He pulled a restraint from his belt, then turned on the comms, signaling Chewie. “Grumbles, get in here. We need back up.”

Turning off the comms, he turned to the others as he bound the young woman’s hands in front of her.

“All right, pair up and find the rest. Hurry up, we don’t know how long this will last.” Turning to Rey, he held up one finger. “You disobeyed a direct order and you could have gotten yourself killed. Well done. Go with Strawberry. I want to be off this rock in ten minutes.”

Rey barely suppressed a grin as she left the room. _I did it,_ she gloated.

_Good job! I’m proud of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annoyed Poe is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to write.


	11. Healing

Ben accepted that it was time to get up, although he was tempted to lay back down with Rey’s pillow and go back to sleep. He hadn’t slept much the night before, although he couldn’t have said why. He tossed and turned for a few hours before clicking the reading light back on and slogging through a few more chapters on Ardone history. Then he caught up on the news from the HoloNet, but he could only access the sanctioned news outlets, none of the deep background sources he used to use to track First Order enemies. He wondered if the Security Council would give him access to a terminal, to research on behalf of the Resistance. Did they trust him that much yet?

He kicked off the covers, flexing his ankle as much as the hard cast would allow. First he wanted to stop by the infirmary, see if they would take this boot off. It was feeling much better today, after spending the first half hour in the pool focusing healing energy on his injuries. The wrist was still a little banged up; he’d spent the majority of his time working on his ankle and ribs. It was nice to breathe without pain again.

Ben sat up and pulled on his left black boot, the other foot encased in a grey plastic shoe that covered him from toes to mid-calf. He put his left arm back in the sling, sending a little burst of Force healing to reduce the inflammation and decrease the pain. Standing, he checked his reflection in the washroom mirror across the room, making sure he wasn’t too rumpled looking. He ran a hand quickly through his hair, but he decided that only made it look more disheveled. Shaking his head at the futility of trying to make his hair look presentable, he turned and left the room.

A maid standing by a cart of linens jumped slightly, then apologized. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know anyone was here.”

“That’s ok. Please don’t call me sir. Can you tell me how to get to the infirmary?”

“Of course.” She crossed to the front door, hit a button on the panel marked Inquiry. She pressed another button to open the door, and looked down the corridor expectantly. Ben followed her. Within seconds, a little droid, not much more than two wheels, a few processors, and an optic sensor, came bundling down the hallway and stopped in front of the door. Painted on his side was the designation: HL34.

“Helper droid 34, please take our guest to the infirmary.”

The droid beeped out an affirmative, and the maid gestured to the droid. “Follow him. He should match your pace. If he goes too fast, just throw something at it.”

Ben nodded. “Thank you. Sorry for disturbing you.”

The maid smiled and returned to the linen cart. Ben hesitated, then turned back.

“Could I ask you not to clean my room?” He flushed, suddenly sure this was a stupid request. She was going to wonder why he didn’t want his room cleaned, wonder if he was hiding something. People would start to talk.

But the young woman merely smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

“It’s just not that dirty, and I don’t want to take up your time.”

She walked over to his room and pressed a button on the panel by his door, where he placed his palm to open the door. A little symbol appeared, a mop and bucket with a line through it. “Just hit this again when you do want us to clean. If you change your mind, just press this,” she indicated a little icon of a person. “That will summon a hospitality agent, and you can let them know your room needs cleaning. Otherwise, just uncheck the little mop and bucket and one of the staff will clean it on our next round.”

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome,” she said with a smile, and Ben left. The droid had been patiently waiting, and as soon as the door shut, shot ahead a few feet. Ben started to follow it, feeling a little silly. But there was no one around and it did feel good to be up and walking again.

As he walked, he thought about the nice conversation with the maid. She had jumped when he walked in, but only because it was unexpected. She didn’t quail when he spoke, or stammer, or look like she would rather be sucked into space than speak to him anymore. When he asked her for a simple favor, she accepted the request at face value, and didn’t seem to question why or wonder if he had ulterior motives. Maybe he could get used to living on Ardone.

The droid had led him back to the Atrium, back to the lift they had taken up from the Council Chambers the night before. Once the doors opened, the droid zipped in and chirped at the lift.

“Floor 3,” an androgynous voice intoned, the doors shut, and the lift began to ascend. Moments later, the lift stopped, and the doors opened once again, this time on a corridor that overlooked the Atrium, which Ben could see by leaning over an intricately carved balustrade. The droid waited patiently as he looked around, then zipped ahead again as soon as Ben stepped away. He was led down a side corridor, to a suite of rooms with a frosted glass front door, and the word Infirmary printed next to a symbol of a kolto pack. Ben placed his palm by the door, and the door slid open.

Inside, a young man sat behind a desk, already greeting Ben before the door was shut behind him. “How may I assist you?”

“Um…” Ben honestly hadn’t expected to have to talk to a person. The First Order infirmaries were exclusively staffed by droids. “I was seen by a Resistance medic for my ankle and wrist. I was just wondering if they could take off the cast yet.”

“Certainly. Please follow me.”

Ben followed the aide to a white examination room, with two chairs and a medicinal but clean scent. The aide gestured to a chair and turned on his datapad.

“May I have your name, please.”

“Um…” Ben could have thrown something at this repeated display of verbal incompetence. This had to be one of the most awkward days of his life. What name had they taken before, at the medic station? He could hardly remember any of that clerical activity, he had been too preoccupied with pain, the sudden shock of being aboard the Millenium Falcon again for the first time in twenty years, the exhausting events of the previous hours. “It might be under Ben Solo.”

If the aide thought his behavior was strange, he said nothing. He typed into the datapad, and nodded. “Yes, I have the records from your previous visit. The medic will be with you shortly.” He smiled at Ben again. “Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable? Water?”

Ben shook his head. “No.”

The aide nodded. “If you need anything, just press this buzzer and someone will come immediately.” He left the room, the door sliding shut with barely a whisper. After the aide had left, Ben realized he’d forgot to say thank you. He sighed. These new social niceties were exhausting.

The medic, a woman five or ten years older than him, appeared a few minutes later, reviewed his chart quickly, and scanned his ankle.

“I’m surprised at how quickly you’ve healed. This chart says the medics at the Resistance HQ saw you just a few standard days ago. Kolto usually takes four days on bones.”

Ben tried to think of how to explain his healing without using the word “Force,” but the medic didn’t seem to need one. She jotted a few notes into the datapad, then scanned his ribs and wrist.

“Some people do react to kolto more quickly than others. Your wrist needs a few more days, but I can go ahead and give you a lighter brace for your ankle. It’s easily removable, so you can just use it when you need it. I wouldn’t recommend walking or standing more than an hour without the brace. Do you need anything for pain?”

Ben shook his head. Within a few minutes, the medic had fitted the brace on his ankle and he was at the front desk, signing himself out. The aide smiled at him again.

“Have a pleasant day.”

“Thanks- um… you too.”

Ben left and returned immediately to his room to take off the brace and put on the other black knee-high boot he always wore. Breathing a sigh of relief, he realized he finally felt a little normal again. He reached out to Rey, and found she and the squad had just landed in the hangar, and Poe and Rey were headed to the Council Chambers. The rest of the squad were escorting five drugged prisoners to secure cells two floors below the Chambers.

Ben left the living quarters and headed back to the lift, this time taking it down two flights to the Security Council Chambers.

He met Rey and Poe outside the chamber doors. His eyes flicked nervously over Rey, but she seemed well, cheeks flushed slightly, a half-frown twisting her mouth. She had turned to Poe in response to something he had said, her eyes narrowed and her chin jutted out with that stubborn expression Ben loved. She had opened her mouth to retort, but saw Ben standing by the doors, and her expression softened, her mouth curving into a small smile that vanished as soon as Poe turned toward her, maybe wondering why she hadn’t replied. Then Poe turned and saw Ben, and Poe’s face took on an expression very similar to the one Rey had fixed on Poe moments ago.

The guards opened the door to admit Rey and Poe, and then Ben, at Poe’s nod. Once the door was secured behind them, Ben turned to Rey.

“So how did it go?” he asked, even though he already knew.

“Well, thanks to me, we have five prisoners instead of corpses.” Rey shot him a dazzling smile, tossed her hair, and practically flounced over to the chairs. Ben had to hastily suppress a chortle of laughter under a cough as Poe glared at him.

“You mean when you disobeyed a direct order?” Poe asked, following Rey, and going to take his chair by D’Acy, who seemed to be enjoying the argument. She shot Ben a gleefully conspiratorial smile.

“I’ve never been a fan of orders, myself,” Rey remarked while taking her seat primly. “And you said-”

Poe waved his hand as Ben came and sat beside Rey. “I know what I said. Let’s begin the debrief.”

Poe quickly filled the Council members in on the two missions. When he came to Rey’s deviation from mission, he graciously admitted that she had been successful, although he would request, in the future, that Rey refrain from charging into enemy bases alone.

“I’ll take it under advisement,” Rey nodded.

“Now we have five prisoners under sedation.”

“Why are they sedated?” D’Acy asked.

“We didn’t want to risk them taking their suicide pills. So how do we get information out of them without risking that they’ll pop a pill?”

Ben directed his words to D’Acy, “I could help.”

He saw a look of horror fall over Poe’s face. “I don’t think we need to torture anyone.”

Ben locked gazes with Poe. “It doesn’t have to be like that. I can keep them immobilized in a way you can’t, all of their muscles except the ones needed to breathe. If there’s some kind of device hidden in their teeth or under the skin, they won’t be able to activate it. Then you can question them. If that proves ineffective, I can probe their minds. But it doesn’t have to be-”

Poe stared daggers into Ben’s skin, but his voice, when he spoke, was controlled, cold and flat. “Like having your brains pulled out through your ears? Doesn’t have to feel like someone is flaying your skin off your bones with needle-nosed pliers? So I guess you just torture people for fun, then?”

Rey looked up at Ben, then. He didn’t look at her directly, but he could see out of the corner of his eye, that her head tilted with puzzlement. He didn’t remove his gaze from Poe’s face.

“I’ve done a lot of horrible things, for which I never expect to be forgiven. I’m trying to make up for the wrong I’ve done.”

Poe seethed, but remained silent. D’Acy spoke up.

“Personal feelings aside, the odds of successfully completing the mission increases with Force assistance. Unless Master Rey feels this task is within her abilities?”

He saw Rey shake her head. “No, I don’t have that kind of control yet. And I’ve never deliberately probed anyone’s mind like this.”

“Then we will gratefully accept Ben Solo’s help, assuming he is willing to work under General Dameron’s supervision.”

Ben nodded. “Of course. I won’t take any action without your approval, General.” Ben even managed to say the title without sounding sarcastic.

Poe scoffed, a half-laugh that seemed almost involuntary. “Well, that will be a first. Are you ready now?”

Ben stood. “Of course.”

Poe and the rest of the Council stood. “Excellent. Let’s head down there.”

Rey made to follow, but Ben turned to face her, finally.

 _You look tired. Maybe you should go rest_.

Rey looked surprised. _I’m fine._

Ben turned to look at Poe, but he was speaking with a few of the Councilors, apparently discussing what information they would attempt to extract first. Ben turned back to Rey, eyes flicking over the curves of her face, unkempt hair, hectic spots of color on her cheeks and neck. _I don’t want you to see me like this. I’m not proud of the things I do._

Poe gestured to Rey, but she shook her head. “I’m going to go get some rest. I don’t really-” she glanced up at Ben with a coolness in her gaze, and Poe gladly extrapolated from that look what he wanted to see.

“No, you shouldn’t have to see this. I’m sure it brings up bad memories for you too.” He fixed Ben with a smarmy I-told-you-so look that made Ben clench his jaw. Rey turned to leave.

 _I am proud of you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Poe isn't coming off as too much of an asshole. I think a lot of his feelings are very justified, personally, and I hope it seems realistic. He's a fun character to write, too. Yay sarcasm!


	12. Caught

Ben didn’t return to their living quarters until late that evening, long after Chewie had gone to sleep. He seemed to sleep more than any other creature Rey knew. Ben didn’t seem surprised to find Rey sitting on the sofa, a glass of honey wine balanced precariously on her knee. Rey poured Ben a glass and motioned for him to sit next to her.

“I hate having to pretend like I hate you.”

Ben took a gulp of the wine, then stared into the golden liquid like he might drown in it. “I know. I hate it too.”

“What happened?” Rey’s voice was quiet. She could feel waves of frustration coming off of Ben. As an experiment, she _reached_ out to him, not with her hand but with her Feelings, and tried to radiate warmth and affection and support. Ben turned to her and smiled.

“How did you do that?”

Rey melted a little at the warmth of his smile, a real smile, not the twisted half-smiles he gave her when other people were around, the ones that died before they had a chance to blossom, that withered under the frost of Poe’s glares.

She shrugged one shoulder, sipping her wine. “I don’t know. It’s just like Luke said, I reach out. But not with my hand.”

His smile had faltered at Luke’s name, but he looked intrigued. “What do you mean?”

Rey smiled and set her glass down for a moment on a little table next to the sofa. She straightened up and crossed her legs. “My first lesson, on a rock on the very edge of the island, overlooking the sea stretching all the way to the horizon. ‘Close your eyes,’” she said, and Ben snorted at her impression of Luke. “‘Now, reach out.’” And Rey shot her hand straight out, toward Ben.

“You didn’t!”

Rey sighed, opening he eyes and putting her hand down. “I did.”

“What did he do?”

“Tickled my hand with a leaf and said that was the Force.”

Ben roared with laughter, and Rey giggled a little, but mostly just sat in awe. She had never truly heard him laugh before, just sarcastic little chuckles occasionally, low and rumbling. Never such a boisterous, wholly mirthful sound, head thrown back, hand on his ribs.

She wanted desperately to ask him about Luke, and Han, and Leia, about his life, but she sensed that now was not the time. She dreaded ruining this moment, of seeing the cautious, hunted look return to his face. So she just picked up her wine glass again, and kept her questions to herself.

“To answer your question, the interrogations were successful. We still don’t know where the poison is kept, so the prisoners are being kept sedated until we figure that out. The good news is, the cells don’t communicate with each other, only with a single handler in the Order.”

Rey considered as she swirled her wine. “What do they do if they lose contact with the handler? What would the handler do if they lost contact with the cell?”

“The answer to the first question is, go dark, disband, and meet up at a hidden, secret location that even the handler doesn’t know. The answer to the second question is, we don’t know.”

“But wouldn’t all of the handlers have failed to report in by now? Most of the First Order is disbanded.”

Ben shrugged one elegant shoulder. “If you keep finding the cells where we expect to find them, on the locations listed on the databank I stole, then no, it would seem not all of the handlers have been rounded up. Which means, we now need to locate the handlers.”

Rey sighed. “What a mess. Less than 10 hours ago, Poe was telling the Squad that this is it, this is how we stop the war and go home. What if it’s never over?”

Ben sighed and looked back at his wine glass. “I don’t know.”

Rey finished her glass and poured another. “You know, sometimes I still can’t believe you’re here. At first I thought I never wanted to see you again, I didn’t want you to turn. And then I thought you never would.”

“I never thought I would, either. But I’m glad I did. I never realized how afraid I was all the time, how strict my life was. I never laughed, I never spent time with people I liked, I never swam in a pool or looked at the ocean. I thought I didn’t want those things, didn’t need anybody. But I did.”

His eyes lingered on Rey’s cheek for several moments before he reached out one finger and traced the back of his index finger down from her cheekbone to her chin. He let his finger linger on the end of her chin, then dropped his hand.

Rey realized she had stopped breathing, and quickly gulped a lungful of air. “Was it worth it?”

Ben leaned forward slowly, setting his wine glass down before bracing himself with one arm on the back of the sofa. One hand came to rest under her chin, tilting her face up to him. He kissed her softly, lips slightly parted, his hair falling across her face. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “Yes. Even if this was the last kiss.”

Rey felt her cheeks flush. She whispered back, “I promise it won’t be.”

Ben had just kissed her again, deeply this time, his hand supporting the back of her head, when the front door swept open. Both Ben and Rey’s heads snapped towards the intrusion, and they separated quickly, but not quickly enough. Poe stood in the door, stony faced, watching their guilty faces as they scrambled away from each other.

Rey knew her face had gone bright pink, but she quickly composed herself. Why was she acting like her father had caught her with a boy in her room? Not that she had ever been in that predicament before, but there was that one time-

Poe finally spoke, after letting her squirm a minute. “I came to tell you that we’ve decided to start infiltrating Black Hole bases, then try to flush out the handlers. Council decided the cells were the bigger threat. Be ready in the hangar at 0600. Goal is to clean out 12 a day.”

He paused, his face twisted by some dark emotion Rey could not, or would not, recognize. “Sorry to have interrupted these feelings you could never have. You know, since he killed one of your friends. Tortured another. It’s impossible, right?”

Rey recoiled from the acid in his voice. When she opened her mouth to speak his name, he tore away, the door swishing closed after him.

Rey turned to face the fireplace, staring into the flames as emotions sparked inside her, so fast she could hardly separate them all. Guilt at having lied to him, embarrassment at being caught in a compromising position, confusion about romantic feelings she hadn’t felt in so long, anger at Poe’s response, indignation that Poe felt he had the right to judge her, dismay and disappointment that the moment had been ruined. Rey felt paralyzed by her emotions, small and hopeless and powerless, a little girl on Jakku again that no one cared for or noticed.

Ben reached out and laid a hand on her arm. “You’re not that girl. And you don’t owe explanations to anyone. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Rey shook her head, tears brimming. “I can’t control these feelings.”

“Don’t, then. Maybe you’re right, maybe everything doesn’t need to be controlled.”

Rey took several gulps of air, closed her eyes, felt a few tears fall down her cheeks. “No, I have to control it. Or they’ll see.” Rey’s eyes flew open. “What if he tells them?”

“You can tell them it was my fault. I pushed myself on you.”

She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t do that. And I’m tired of lying. At least to Poe.” She wiped her eyes. “Poe’s supposed to be my friend. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I don’t think he’ll do anything until then.”

Rey stood up. “I’m going to bed, now. I’m sorry our conversation was ruined.”

Ben grabbed her hand, kissed the back of it. “It wasn’t ruined.”

Rey managed a half-smile, then walked away, letting Ben’s hand trail out of hers. She made it to her room and let the door shut behind her before she let the tears fall. She shed her clothes and slipped into bed, curling up into a ball. She thought about reaching out to Ben, but held back. It was no use pretending she wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst! All the angst!


	13. Interrogations

Rey woke up the next morning feeling a little more hopeful than she had the night before. She quickly dressed and ate breakfast. Chewie was with them, so she couldn’t speak to Ben, but she gave him a little smile as she left. He nodded and smiled back, his brown eyes holding hers for a moment.

Rey and Chewie met the Squad at the hangar, who all greeted Rey full of enthusiasm. Rey plastered a smile on her face for the team, but her smile fell as she turned to Poe.

“We need to talk,” she said in a low voice.

Poe checked the holo display on his wrist. “We have time. Come here.”

Rey followed Poe across the hanger, to an empty bay away from the Squad. Poe turned to face Rey.

“How could you? You stood in the Council Chambers and you lied to them. The people that trust you.”

Rey took a deep breath. “I have my reasons. I think you know why I can’t tell the Council how I feel.”

Poe sighed, looking at the ship. “It’s not even that. How could you fall in love with that guy?” He looked back at Rey. “You could be with anyone you want. You know Finn has always been crazy for you. Why that asshole? He’s a murderer. How could you love him?”

“That’s none of your business. I can feel however I want about anyone I want.” Rey maintained a calm tone, although she wanted to scream at Poe.

“Yeah, fine, it’s your life. I really don’t know why _I’m_ being lectured right now.”

That softened Rey. She could feel her angry expression drop. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking down at her feet. “I understand why you feel this way, and I want you to know I used to feel the same way about him. But I can’t help how I feel. He’s a different person now.”

Poe looked like he wanted to scoff, but clenched his jaw, and after a moment, his mouth relaxed. He nodded once. “Well, you certainly have the right to feel that way. I think it’s best we just pretend I didn’t see anything last night. I won’t come to your quarters again.”

Rey shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

Poe walked past her, headed back towards the Squad. “It is.”

The Squad quickly fell into a rhythm. They traveled to a base, Rey, Poe, and Strawberry approached first, and Rey would stun everyone in the base. The Squad quickly entered the base, found and bound the occupants, and called in another Republic squad to transport the prisoners back to Ardone. Rey tried to become numb to it all, the prisoners. She tried to tell herself at least they were alive.

Weeks passed uneventfully. Soon, all the known bases had been captured. Ben and Rey met with the Security Council once more to discuss their next steps.

“What luck have you had getting more information from the prisoners?” Poe asked, directing his gaze to Ben. Rey noticed he rarely spoke Ben’s name, always using one of his codenames he’d invented, or referring to him as the Force user. It bothered her, but she knew Poe was trying not to let his antagonism towards Ben show. There had been no open hostilities, and Rey was convinced that was the best she could hope for.

“We might have reached the limit of what questioning will get us. They genuinely don’t know anymore. I can see it. Although…” his voice trailed off.

Poe arched one eyebrow. “Yes?”

Ben frowned like it wasn’t something he was sure he wanted to bring up. “Well, sometimes when I’m searching through their minds, I sense a wall. Like there’s something that’s been locked away from the rest of their mind. I’m not always sure I feel it, but maybe it’s supposed to be cleverly hid. It might be the work of another Force user.”

“You said there weren’t any,” Poe was quick to remind him.

“Not that I knew of, no. But I didn’t know about the Scarlet Order, either.”

Poe considered for a moment. “Would there be any improvement in your ability to probe their minds if you both worked together?”

Ben’s frown deepened. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“Really? You’ve never worked together to strengthen the other’s Force powers? It’s not even worth a try.”

Ben glanced at Rey as she spoke up. “It’s worth a try.”

“Great. Let’s start now. I’ll meet you down there. D’Acy, with me, please. Representatives, we will meet later to present our findings.” The rest of the Council members nodded their assent, and left.

Ben turned to Rey. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Rey shrugged. “He’s got a point. We can combine our efforts. Without this, we’ve got no direction. We’re stuck if we don’t find out more about their inner workings.”

Ben shook his head.

“Besides,” Rey continued as they followed Poe and D’Acy. “You can’t shield me forever.”

Ben’s mouth crooked in a half-smirk, half-grimace. “Not for want of trying.”

It was Rey’s first trip to the prisoner holding cells. If she had expected something sinister, she was surprised. It was a sparse, almost hospitable place. The doors had formidable looking locks, it was true, but the insides contained plush beds and pillows, although bed coverings were not allowed. A soft chair stood next to a sink, and a paper screen separated each room from the privy. Rey stood looking in the first cell, which was unoccupied, thinking there must be worst places to be confined. Ben gave Poe the name of one of the prisoners whose mind he’d been exploring when he felt the wall, and the prisoner was brought to an interrogation room.

Again, this room was more like an infirmary than a torture chamber, but she couldn’t hide a slight shiver at the sight of the young man, barely out of childhood, being strapped to a table, sedated but not fully unconscious. She looked up from the table to realize Poe was staring at her, his expression inscrutable.

“Shall we begin?” he asked.

Rey nodded, throat suddenly dry.

“Good.” Poe and D’Acy took seats along the wall. Rey went to stand next to the table, hands clasped in front of her to keep her from trembling.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she turned to Ben, stammering slightly. “I’ve never-”

Ben shot a glare at Poe, then nodded. “It’s ok. Reach out to him.”

Rey shut her eyes, sending out her thoughts to the young man’s soft, quiescent mind. His eyes were open, but he could hardly see them. He was half-dreaming, of a pretty girl in a yellow dress, with flowers in her hair. She was twirling, her skirt ballooning around her, and she was laughing.

Rey broke contact with a sharp inhale. Ben _reached_ out to her, trying to steady her.

_It’s ok. I know._

_I don’t think I can do this._ Even in her mind, her voice came out like a sob.

_I’m sorry. Just think of it like a holo-film. It’s just a story you’re watching. Don’t be scared, he doesn’t even know we’re here. It doesn’t hurt him._

Rey took a deep breath and tried again.

_Push past this part._

Rey pushed, and found herself in a long hallway of doors. It was quieter here, almost eerily still. Rey breathed a deep sigh of relief, though. At least it was impersonal.

She looked down the hallway, to one door at the very end of the hallway. It was made of stone and iron, heavily padlocked. She looked up, and suddenly Ben was standing beside her, looking around at the hallway.

“Interesting psychic manifestation.”

Rey shrugged. “Maybe he likes hallways.”

Ben looked at her, a soft smile on his lips. “Not him, you. You’re ordering his mind in a way that is comfortable to you.”

Rey looked around. “I am?”

“If he was awake, it would probably look different, look more like what he’s used to seeing. But since you’re the dominant mental Force-”

Rey looked at him, surprised. “Me?”

Ben smiled. “Yeah, I don’t know if you realize this, but you’re much better at this stuff than I am. I was good at it before, but because I was a battering ram. I didn’t care what it did to people, I didn’t care how broken it could leave someone.” He looked down the hallway. “You just naturally reach out to people. I’ve actually learned a lot from watching you. Like floating in the pool, you remember? That’s helped me widen the range of my link to you so I can contact you when you’re far away.”

Rey felt a light blush overcome her. “Thank you, I had no idea.”

Ben smiled. “Come on, let’s check out that door.”

They walked forward, the hallway stretching out before them. Rey wished it wasn’t so ominous and dark, their footsteps echoing eerily. Rey looked around her, thinking of what Ben had said about her mind controlling their surroundings. She closed her eyes, thought hard, and opened her eyes. The dark, narrow hallway had widened into a bright, carpeted corridor. Candles burned in sconces between doors, and softly lit chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Ben looked around with her, admiring the change.

“Very nice.”

She looked down the corridor to see that the stone door hadn’t changed. They continued walking toward it. Rey thought that she wanted the door to be closer, and as soon as she thought it, the corridor shortened, and the door was only a few feet away.

“I don’t think I can do anything about that, though,” Rey said, reaching out to the door. It stayed shut and locked.

“Not alone. We’ll try together.”

Rey reached over, in her mind, to hold Ben’s hand in the hallway. Ben squeezed her hand back reassuringly. She focused her thoughts on the door, trying to push it away, to make it disappear. She could feel Ben reaching out as well. After a few minutes, she sighed.

“It’s still there.”

“What were you focusing on?”

“Removing the door.”

“Just making it disappear?”

“Sure.”

Ben considered the door, and the lock on the handle. “Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. Try thinking about unlocking the door. Imagine the gears and mechanisms of the lock unfastening. You have a very technical mind. Maybe obeying the normal laws of physics will be more effective than just trying to get rid of it.”

Rey nodded, and shut her eyes. She had picked plenty of locks in her time. Old fashioned locks had been one of her favorite devices when she was growing up on Jakku. She loved her set of makeshift lock picks. Rey imagined a set of picks, visualized herself inserting the wrench into the lower section of the keyhole, pressing down gently, then using the pick to lift the pins, one by one. In her mind there were 6, and she lifted each one in turn until all pins were set. She envisioned herself turning the wrench, until the lock clicked and the door opened.

Rey opened her eyes, surprised to see the door swinging forward. Ben nodded, looking warily around the door. “Good job. But let me go first.”

He stepped carefully into the room, and Rey followed. Inside, hundreds of databanks hummed, stacked up in columns stretching up hundreds of meters. She sighed. “How are we supposed to look through all of these?”

Ben shook his head. “I think this is a trick. I don’t think all of these banks have pertinent information on them. Reach out, see if there’s one of these that calls to you.”

Once again, Rey shut her eyes and _reached_. She felt certain at first that she was doing it wrong. She didn’t feel anything. After a moment, though, she thought she heard something, like a low hum, coming from above her. She pulled it towards her, opening her eyes as a databank sailed into her hand.

As soon as her fingers closed around the small round object, she cried out as if she had been shocked. Ben took the bank from her quickly, but not before a shock of concussive psychic Dark Force crashed into her, driving her to her knees, clutching her head in pain. She caught a brief glimpse of Ben activating the databank as she fell to the floor, writhing in pain.

In the next moment, she was on the ground in the interrogation room, crying at the wracking, white hot pain shooting through her head. Poe and D’Acy rushed to help her up.

“What is it? What happened?” Poe asked, helping her to a chair.

The pain started to recede, then came rushing back, causing her to slam back in her chair, teeth clenched, back arched. She shut her eyes and imagined a black, many-tentacled parasite in her mind, clutching and tearing at the neurons in her brain. She clenched her jaw and _pushed_ as hard as she could against the foreign invader in her mind, and suddenly the black shadow vanished, and the headache receded.

She gasped air back into her lungs as the pain finally relinquished its hold on her, opening her eyes to find Poe and D’Acy standing next to her, looking astounded. Ben was still standing with eyes shut by the side of the prisoner.

“Are you all right?” D’Acy asked. “You sent out some kind of psychic shock, just then. I felt it.”

“I did too. That was some Force wave. What’s he doing?” Poe waved toward Ben.

“Let me find out.” She reached back out, entering the prisoner’s mind again. She pushed back the dream he was having, noting that he seemed to be reliving some kind of holiday at a lake, but instead of arriving back at the hallway, she landed in a dark and dank tunnel, filled with stacks of boxes, slanting shelves of books and scrolls, cabinets of softly glowing silver instruments, racks of stoppered flagons and flasks of smoking liquids. Ladders lead up to other floors, up as far as she could see. Before and behind her the clutter continued.

“Ben?” she called softly, full of trepidation and dread.

“Over here,” he whispered, and she whirled around. Ben was standing in the middle of an alcove with papers strewn on the ground around him. He was holding the databank in his hand. “Are you all right? I'm sorry I couldn't come check on you. I worried this would disappear if we both left.”

“That's ok, I'm all right. What was that? What is this place?”

Ben sighed and looked around him. “Sadly, this is what my mind reverted to. Probably says something about me. This place is a dump. But I read a book once when I was a kid, it described a room like this. I didn’t realize how much it had stayed with me.”

He looked at her as she approached him. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have let you touch it first. I think the information was booby-trapped by Dark Force energy.”

“It felt like something was eating my mind from the inside out.”

“We found some important information, though. The name and face of their handler. Lirri Khan. As well as the channel used to communicate with her.”

Rey found herself looking at a woman in her early 40s, dark hair and blue eyes, wide, farseeing eyes on either side of an upturned nose. She looked like a Senator, like old money. A slight sneer curled her upper lip, like this was all beneath her.

“Who is she?”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know. It might just be a false lead. Seems strange to me that an underling would know her name and face so well, instead of an alias. But otherwise, why hide it in all that security?”

“Maybe they knew we wouldn’t be able to resist looking inside. They were trying to lure us into taking that databank.”

“You’ve been through a lot today. Do you think you would be up to trying again?”

Rey nodded. “I’ll give it my best shot.”

“Next time, summon the databank, but let me touch it first.”

She nodded and they stepped out of the prisoner’s mind.

Ben quickly explained what had happened to Poe and D’Acy, leaving out some of the details about the corridors and rooms. “We were able to get past the block, and we found out what might be the name of the handler. We’re going to try again with another prisoner, and see if we get the same result. Can we see someone else, someone not in this prisoner’s unit?”

Poe agreed, and called for the guard. The young prisoner was removed, and other guards returned with an old man, grey-haired and wrinkled.

Once again, Ben and Rey shut their eyes and reached into the prisoner’s mind. Rey found it was easier to look past the dream, this time of a young man and woman dancing, holding each other so close there was no room at all between them, to the corridor. Rey unlocked the door, and they stepped inside, to the same room filled with columns of databanks. Rey listened for the hum, and called the databank to her, but Ben reached out and grabbed it before it reached her hand.

Rey watched him wrestle for a moment with the thing trying to overtake his mind. He shuddered a few times, but after taking a few deep breaths, opened his eyes and smiled wearily at Rey.

“Are you all right?”

Ben nodded, though Rey thought he looked pained. “It’s full of Dark energy, whatever it was. I’m much more used to it than you are.”

He activated the databank, and there she was again, Lirri Khan, sneering at them. Ben noted the frequency for contacting her, then turned off the holo display.

“Well, I guess we’ve got our contact.”


	14. Searching

Days of exhaustive research turned up no new information. Lirri Khan, codenamed Handler, according to Republic databases, did not exist. After days of nagging, Rey convinced Poe to give Ben access to the HoloNet. Together, they sat up in the Mission Room late for almost a week straight, each trying every contact they knew, Ben’s list more comprehensive than Rey’s, to try to find who this mysterious handler could be. Finally, even Ben had to admit he was stuck.

One night after leaning back from the station, Rey turned to Ben, a worried expression clouding her features. “What if someone’s looking for someone in the HoloNet, looking for her, for Handler?” She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t even know if that made sense. How long has it been since I slept?”

“Too long,” Ben admitted. “But I knew what you meant. Don’t worry, I’ve been covering our tracks. If someone really wants to pour over every line of code, they might be able to find traces of some our searching. But it’s not going to be readily apparent that anyone’s looking for her. And I’ve used my most confidential sources in the Outer Rim, the ones who don’t even know who I am.”

He smiled at Rey’s quizzical gaze. “There’s a whole network of intelligence out there that has nothing to do with Republic or First Order. Some people trade in information like you traded junk.”

Rey yawned. “Well, we’ll have to tell the Council tomorrow that we can’t find her. I wonder if it’s a pseudonym.”

Ben leaned back, stretching his arms far over his head, then peeked over at Rey, who looked close to falling asleep at her console. He glanced at the digital time display on the wall, it was past midnight and the room was empty. Ben laid a hand on Rey’s shoulder, shaking her gently. She had propped her head up on her hand, elbow resting on the table. She started awake.

“Come on, no use sleeping with our eyes open.”

She nodded and logged out of her console, walking to the door and using her palm-print to let them out. She nodded to the after-hours guard. He nodded at them and wished them a good night. Rey returned the sentiment and rubbed a crick in her neck as they headed to the lift.

“Bless, could those chairs be any more uncomfortable?”

Ben chuckled. “I’ve seen worse, but they are definitely not very good.”

“I guess the First Order didn’t go in for ergonomics, then?”

Ben smiled. “No, it was not high on their priorities.”

They used the past tense, but the First Order was unfortunately still putting up a last defense. Most of the available fighters had been sent to one of a few battlegrounds, including Finn and Poe. Lando had shown up earlier in the week to recruit Chewie to go co-pilot the Falcon with him at one of the more desperate battles. Ben had heard that the fights was going well, but it continued to drag out. He hated being right, but he had predicted the First Order would never go down easily.

Today in particular, he couldn’t help but feel useless and left behind. He wished they would let him go fight, if only to show his loyalty to the Republic. Of course, if he was being truly honest with himself, he had no real loyalty to the Republic, although it wasn’t as bureaucratic and inactive as he had thought it would be. He even had to admit there were aspects of the Republic he appreciated, like its fairness, its justice system, its new-found efficiency. But it was hardly something he was willing to die for.

Now Rey, on the other hand. He glanced at her as the lift doors opened and they stepped out into the atrium, at her sleepy eyes and unkempt hair.

No, he knew why he hadn’t been allowed to go fight. Poe had taken him aside before he left.

“I’ll level with you. I know you want to go fight, but we need you and Rey to stay here and look for Handler.”

“Any tech could do what we’re doing. Or we could look later.”

“Maybe. But if you go, Rey would want to go to.” Poe had held Ben’s gaze in his level, scrutinizing gaze. “You really want her out in that? She might come out fine, but I think we both know what war does to people.”

“Shouldn’t that be her decision?”

Poe shrugged. “Maybe. But she’ll stay if you do. What do you want to do?”

Ben had been taken aback. “This is a really difficult position to put me in.”

Poe shrugged his shoulders once more. “But I get what I want, both of you right here where the Security Council can watch you.”

Ben shook his head. “You really aren’t ever going to trust me, are you?”

“Funny thing about me, I don’t trust people who torture me, no matter how much they say they’ve changed.”

“It was war. You really think you wouldn’t have done the same thing, if our positions were reversed?”

Poe had stopped, thoughtful for a minute. “No, you’re right. I would have. But I never would have tortured Rey.”

“I never tortured Rey. Ask her if you don’t believe me.” After which he had turned and left without looking back.

When they reached their rooms, a tureen of stew was sitting on the kitchen table, accompanied by large round discs of some kind of flatbread. Rey sniffed appreciatively and took a seat before ladling herself some stew. “I guess bed can wait.”

Ben sat down and accepted a bowl of stew from Rey, tearing himself a chunk of bread.

“Did Poe come talk to you before he left?” he asked thoughtfully, dipping a piece of the bread into the stew.

Rey eyed him, deciding to try dipping her bread in the rich red broth as well. “Mmm. That’s delicious. Yeah, actually he did. Asked me about when I was captured by the First Order, but wouldn’t tell me why he asked.”

“What did you tell him.”

“He wanted to know if I was treated roughly. I said I couldn’t complain of harsh treatment. He asked about when you…interrogated me. I said it definitely didn’t feel like having my brains pulled out of my head, or whatever he said, it didn’t feel like that all to me. Just kind of uncomfortable.”

She swallowed another spoonful of stew and bread, followed by a sip of cold clear water, looking up at Ben. “Why did he ask me that?”

Ben shrugged. “We were having one of our… ‘discussions’ the other day. He said he would never trust me because I tortured you. I told him he should ask you about it.”

“Why did it feel different for me?”

Ben shrugged. “I’m pretty sure because you were different. I felt right away that it was easier to reach out to you. Not easier, maybe. But it felt like there was a certain part of your mind that opened to me, it was like you recognized me. But then part of you was fighting me, too, fighting me tooth and nail. It was at the same time easier and harder than digging into anyone else’s mind.” He looked up to find that she was watching him, her expression hard to read. “Strange, right?”

She nodded. “I felt the same way. Like I had to keep you out at all costs, but part of me was dying to let you in, if only because you seemed to understand me so well. After being so lonely for so long, it was hard to resist.”

“I think that was the dyad pulling us together.”

She smiled, but her smile was broken up by a yawn, the biggest one yet.

“You’re going to break your jaw if you yawn any more. Get to bed, I’ll clean this up a bit.

Rey nodded. She leaned over and kissed the top of his head. “G’night,” she murmured.

Ben couldn’t help smiling as she stumbled to her bedroom. He took the dishes to his bathroom to rinse them out, wishing not for the first time that they had a kitchen. Once he returned to the dining table, switched off the warmer under the stew, and checked on Rey before he went to bed. She had tumbled into bed without undressing, and was already asleep on top of her covers. He untied her shoes and slipped them off. Then he pulled a blanket out from the closet to cover her with, tucking the end up under her chin. She stirred gently, murmured something that sounded like “Fanks Ben.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, kissing the top of her head.

In the morning, Ben went before Rey woke up, and requested an audience with the Security Council. The guard called on his comm unit, waiting for the response.

“D’Acy says you can meet her in the Mission Room.”

“Thank you.”

When he knocked on the door, D’Acy let him in. “I’m afraid I’m all that remains of the Security Council at the moment. All the rest are off-world.”

“All of them at once?”

“There’s a lot at stake in these battles. Luckily, the ground campaign outside of the First Order base on Barof was decided while we slept. But the space battle in Delta Quadrant, and the planetary invasion of Yoon are still ongoing.”

Ben looked at maps on the screens, symbols representing Republic and First Order forces. “Anything we can do.”

D’Acy gave him a sympathetic half-smile. “No, I don’t think so.”

Ben sighed, nodding as he studied the maps. “Of course.”

D’Acy glanced at their console stations. “How late did you work last night?”

“0200.”

D’Acy turned back to look at him, her eyes lit up with a sudden idea. “I know what you can do. You should take Rey out somewhere. She hasn’t had a break in almost a month. Even longer, if you remember, she barely took any time off after Exogol.”

“You really think I should? What if someone asks where I’m going?”

“No one will say anything. I’ll let the security team know you discussed it with me.”

Ben considered. He liked the idea of doing something nice for Rey. “Where should we go?”

D’Acy shrugged her shoulders. “Just load up a speeder and go somewhere. Let her drive, she won’t care where you go.”

He chuckled. “You’re probably right. Ok, thanks.”

He reached out to Rey, gently, so as not to wake her. She was still asleep, her Force signature still muffled and quiet. He left the Mission Room and took the lift down one floor to the kitchens. He passed through a set of swinging doors, into a noisy, bustling room where dozens of hospitality aides were assembling breakfast trays. Pancakes, waffles, sweet iced buns, fragrant pastries, eggs, savory smoked meat and more were loaded onto trays, which were then placed on carts the stewards would use to deliver the meals. They looked up when he came in, obviously curious.

A young woman near him greeted him with a smile. “Hello. May I help you?”

“Do you know if Selvyn is around?”

“She’s out on a call. She should be back any minute. Do you want me to send her to your quarters when she gets back?”

He hesitated. “Is it ok if I just wait?”

“Of course. I’m sorry we don’t have any seats.”

“That’s ok, I’ll just stand over here. Hope I’m not in the way.”

“No, of course not!”

In a few minutes, the stewards began to leave, pushing their carts laden with trays. Ben thought with amusement that one of those carts must be headed to his and Rey’s rooms. One steward held the left door open as the parade of carts left the room. As they were leaving, Selvyn came through the right door. She saw Ben standing off to the side, and smiled at him.

“Hello, Mr. Solo. How are you?”

“Ben, please. I was hoping you could help me.”

“Of course. What do you need?”

He described his intentions to take Rey out for a day off. “Is there any way I could get a packed lunch to take with us? And do you know where I could get my hands on a speeder?” he asked this last part with a wince at how entitled it sounded. Just show up and expect this woman who doesn’t know him to solve all his problems.

But her face lit up and her mouth widened into a grin. “That sounds wonderful! Rey’s been working so hard; she deserves a holiday. Of course, I’ll put together a picnic basket and bring it by your rooms as soon as I can. And you can borrow my speeder.”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that. You’ve been too kind.”

She walked over to a desk standing in the corner and pulled out a small bag. She fished around for a moment and then handed him her keys.

“It’s parked in the hangar. When you get there, show a security guard this key, and he’ll fetch it for you. And here’s a map, I’m sending it to the room’s datapad. It’s my favorite spot for a picnic, only a few hours away.” She must have seen something in his face because she pushed the keys into his hand. “I insist, so don’t try to turn it down. I’m doing it for Rey. I’m not kidding, she’s something else and she deserves to have a good time for once.”

Ben nodded, touched that Rey inspired such good will in someone she’d barely met. “Thank you. I’ll make sure she knows that you were the one who made it possible.”

Selvyn graced him with her dazzling smile again before Ben turned and left to return to his quarters.

Rey was just waking up when the door to their quarters slid shut behind him. He could sense her, just surfacing from sleep to wakefulness. He couldn’t help walking over to her door, placing his palm on the pad next to the door. She had programmed his palmprint into her security settings, to allow him to come in anytime she did not flip the manual door lock. The door slid open, and Rey turned over in bed, away from the light streaming in through the door. The windows let in a dull glow of sunlight, just bright enough that Ben could make out Rey’s features as she turned over. Ben stepped in and shut the door behind him.

“Ben?” Rey mumbled as he came and sat on the bed next to her, stroking her head. He leaned over to kiss her, Rey responded after a moment, her arms reaching up to wind around his neck. She murmured against his mouth. When Ben pulled back slightly, Rey grinned. “Good morning,” she purred.

“Good morning.”

Rey combed her fingers through his hair. “What brought this on?”

“Well, everyone’s off planet right now. The Security Council’s been called away, so we don’t have any more work to do. So I’m stealing you away.”

Rey laughed. “Stealing me away? Are you going to bring me back?”

He gazed at her seriously, eyes roaming over her face. “I don’t know. I’ll see.”

Rey giggled. “Well, I guess I should get dressed, then.”

“Yes. Then breakfast. Then a speeder.”

Rey’s eyes opened wide as she gasped, a little theatrically. “Do I get to pilot it?”

“I mean, I guess so.”

Rey squealed with joy, squirming to get out from under the covers. Ben stood up, laughing as her legs got caught in the sheets.

“Hang on, you’re going to fall.” He reached out and pulled the sheet away from her feet so she could stand up. “I’ll wait outside while you get dressed.

Rey emerged in a few minutes, wearing a knee-length navy blue skirt and a red knit sweater, soft and fuzzy with a scoop neckline that showed off her neck and collarbones. Ben smiled. “You look very nice,” he said, appreciating when her cheeks turned pale pink.

“Well, I get tired wearing the same thing all the time.”

Rey sat down to breakfast, but didn’t eat much, accepting a cup of coffee and a pastry.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

She shook her head, but her eyes were shining with barely suppressed glee. “I’m too excited! Where are we going?”

Ben laughed. “I don’t actually know. This is all Selvyn, by the way, the details anyway. She loaned us her speeder and gave me a map to some place she recommended for a picnic.”

Rey smiled. “Oh, that’s so nice of her. Everyone’s so nice here. Not like Jakku.” She smiled at him and gulped down her coffee. “Can we go?”

“She’s supposed to be dropping off some food for us to take. You should eat some more. It’ll take us a few hours to get there. You might get hungry.”

Rey sighed and finished her pastry, then spooned some eggs onto her plate, covering them in a spicy cream sauce she loved. Ben helped himself to some more of the smoked meat, his favorite, and a pastry. By the time he had finished his second cup of coffee and inspected the route Selvyn had sent to his datapad, the door chimed and slid open.

Selvyn set the picnic basket on the low table in front of the sofa and quickly left, waving her hand to Rey as she started to stand up. “Sorry, I have to run. It’s especially busy this morning. Have fun!”

“Well, are you ready?” Ben asked, enjoying the enthusiastic nod from Rey. They finished their coffee and Ben picked up the wicker basket. A blanket was stacked on top, so he couldn’t see what was inside, but it felt heavy. They left the rooms and Rey locked the door behind them before they set off for the hangar.


	15. Holiday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not actually sure if dating exists a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Most Star Wars romances seem to follow the time-honored tradition of:  
> Oh crap we're gonna die, I love you. Oh crap we didn't die, what next? Which is also a haiku, now that I think of it. But, if Star Wars were to have dates, I think they might go a little something like this.
> 
> Per my usual formula, this chapter was 4 parts fluff to 1 part angst. I spent a lot of this chapter (mostly the later part) with Writer in the Dark by Lorde stuck in my head. I know it's not exactly the best love song. It's kind of about a woman getting over a relationship that wasn't very good for her. But the chorus really stuck with me when writing Ben, particularly:
> 
> I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops  
> I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me  
> And in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power  
> I'll find a way to be without you, babe

The speeder ended up only having one seat. The picnic basket was secured in a storage compartment below the seat, but Ben wasn't as lucky. Ben found himself hanging onto the back, both arms around Rey’s waist, begging for her to slow down.

Rey called back to him, but the wind whipped her voice away. Luckily, she had pulled her hair in a bun, or he would be eating her hair as well as clinging on for dear life.

“WHAT???” he yelled.

She turned her head slightly, which unfortunately had a negative impact on his stress level. “I said this is fun!”

“For you maybe – CAN YOU PLEASE WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!!!”

He caught her cackle, but not the words that came after it as she took a turn in the path way too fast. Ben looked down at the ground beneath him and realized he could have reached out and touched it. True, his wingspan was above average, but that was still far to close.

He decided maybe it would be better if he couldn’t see. He dipped his head between Rey’s shoulder blades, eyes shut tight.

Rey slowed the speeder to almost a walking pace. She turned around.

“You really aren’t having fun?”

Ben had to swallow the impulse to yell when his head shot up. “No, I’m not having fun, Rey! Are you trying to get us killed?”

“Don’t yell at me!”

“I’m not yelling!”

She giggled, so he knew she hadn’t meant it. He was really trying not to yell at her, but she drove like a maniac.

“I just don’t understand why you’re trying to make this two-hour trip in thirty minutes.”

Rey giggled again. “I just like to go fast!” She sped up again, marginally slower than her previous speed.

The rest of the trip passed by uneventfully. Rey slowed down as the path reached a lovely forest.

“Are we supposed to go in there?”

Ben checked his datapad, secured to his belt. “Yes, we should park the speeder. It’s about a fifteen-minute walk to the spot Selvyn marked on the map.”

Rey stopped the speeder and Ben leapt off. “I can’t believe I let you drive,” he shook his head, grabbing the basket from the storage compartment.

Rey took one look at him and started to laugh, almost doubled over. “Your hair!”

Ben felt the top of his head, his fingers frantically trying to finger-comb his hair into submission. Rey couldn’t stop giggling.

“Stop laughing!” he cried, sure that his hair couldn’t be that bad. He seemed to have mostly gotten it in order.

“I can’t!” she protested in between bursts of laughter.

Ben made a sudden crouching gesture, tensing his leg muscles to spring at her. Rey yelped in pretend fear and sprang away to the woods. Then Ben was chasing her, and damn, she was fast! He could barely keep up.

“No fair, I have the basket,” he called. She finally slowed down, grinning over her shoulder.

“Ok, but I won!”

“You did.” Ben walked toward her, then when he was within a meter of her, sprang forward, one arm snaking around her waist, lifting her off the ground as Rey shrieked. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on her neck, then let her down. They walked for a while with Rey’s arm around Ben’s waist, Ben’s arm around her shoulders.

They walked for ten minutes or so, through the quiet, peaceful woods, a path carving through tall deciduous trees, the ground covered in thick undergrowth. Sunlight slanted through the trees, thick and golden. It wasn’t a hot day, but something about the stillness made the air feel warm and close, not quite stuffy, just cozy and calm. Ben thought as they walked that it might be the happiest moment of his life, the most pleasant, uncomplicated, wholly present moment he could remember. Not that he didn’t have lots of fond memories of his life on Ardone, but very few where he didn’t worry about someone else, what they would see, what they would guess, what they were thinking about him.

Ben didn’t have to reach out to Rey to know she felt the same, he could feel happiness radiating off of her. He looked down at her, and saw she was smiling, looking down at the beaten dirt path with a faraway expression in her eyes. Her right hand reached up to his hand draped over her shoulder. She looked up at him, mouth curled slyly at catching him looking at her.

“You look so dopey,” she giggled.

He gaped, pretending to be offended. “Dopey?” He pulled her closer, his right arm dropping to her waist, squeezing sharply, making her squeal and squirm in a way that made his heart skip a beat. He leaned down and caught her mouth against his, right arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her in close to him. Her arms came up his back, under his shirt, her fingertips gripping his skin, her touch surprising and intimate. He broke the kiss, a shiver running down his back. He leaned his forehead against hers, breath coming in gasps.

“Sorry. Something about you goes straight to my bloodstream.” He kissed her forehead. “I think you might be a narcotic.”

Rey ducked her head against his shoulder, grinning uncontrollably. She walked ahead, hands behind her back, gripping her elbows, taking short, slow steps. She turned and looked at him over her shoulder.

He became aware of his face suddenly, realized he was grinning. Had his face ever formed that expression before a month ago? Maybe when he was a kid, but it had been decades. It came so easily around her, letting everything fade away.

Rey stopped still a few paces ahead of him, head cocked to one side. “Do you hear that?”

He listened. “Water?”

She rushed ahead, and he followed as quickly as he could. He found her at the edge of a clearing, overhung with trees, but covered with grass and wildflowers instead of bushes, vines, and moss. A little brook ran around the edges of the clearing, running over rocks and fallen tree limbs, filling the clearing with the clear, bubbling sound of running water.

Ben looked around, nodded sharply. “Very nice.” He set the basket down, shook out the blanket, looked inside to see what else Selvyn had packed for them.

He found a bottle of wine, two cups, sandwiches wrapped in paper, a container of fruit, a bottle of water. Last, he pulled an electronic device from the basket. He pressed a button on the top, and music started playing, instrumental, sweet and low and sonorous.

Rey looked up from where she had crouched by the stream, letting the water run over her fingers. She had let her hair out of its bun, and the chestnut waves spilled down her shoulders like the water over the rocks. “Selvyn really knows how to plan a date.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. Rey walked over, her expression curious. “What’s so funny?”

“A date? A great start, almost killing me with your driving.”

Rey pushed her lips into a pout, walking over to sink onto the blanket. “You’re saying I ruined our date?”

“No, I didn’t say that. It was just off to a rough start.” He stroked her hair. “I’d rather be scared out of my mind by you than bored by anyone else in the galaxy.”

Rey smiled, ducking her head against his shoulder again. Ben wanted to tell her that he found that very distracting and adorable, but his mouth seemed suddenly incapable of forming words.

They spent the rest of the day in non-descript bliss. Later, Ben could remember several moments, but not the entire sequence of events of the day, once they arrived at the clearing. He remembered eating some of the food, drinking the entire bottle of wine. He remembered dancing with Rey, her left hand in his right, his arm around her waist, holding her close to him as they swayed. As the sun sunk past noon, they lay on the blanket, looking up at the sky, not talking much, just absorbing the intoxicating effects of each other’s presence.

Ben thought Rey had fallen asleep when she suddenly turned her face up to him, rolled onto her side and hooked her leg over his hip. She devoured his mouth, her tongue racing against his, exploring the inside of his mouth with a ferocity Ben had not felt from her before. He felt something was different this time, it was radiating from her skin, from her hands, the intensity of her moans against his mouth. She took his hand and snaked it up her skirt, pressing it against her pelvis. Part of him warned him to stop, while another part screamed at him to keep going, to take what happiness they could in the little time they could claim.

Despite this voice, he broke the kiss, panting against her forehead as she nibbled at his neck. “I really didn’t want it to be like this.”

She chuckled, raising her head to gaze at him. “I know you mentioned something before about a big bed, but I don’t think I can wait that long.” Her lips caught his, and something hot blazed up in him, low in his belly.

Ben whole-heartedly agreed, but again, some part of him couldn’t help but demure. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked, pulling away from her slightly, even as she sighed against his neck. “I can’t give you what you deserve.”

Rey pushed him onto his back, quickly straddling his hips, grinding against him until he groaned aloud. “And what do I deserve?” she demanded in a low voice, leaning over him, her hair falling down to tickle his face.

Ben had to hit the restart on his brain, then wait a few seconds before it rebooted. “A home, something secure, respectable.”

She straightened up, slowed the movement of her hips against his. “I don’t need respectable. You know, I had all I needed on Jakku, everything I needed physically. Water, food, sometimes I got close to starving but I never did, shelter.” She looked across at the water. “But there was no beauty, no pleasure. Very little companionship.”

She leaned down over him again, her lips hovering above his. “Besides, I’m tired of everyone telling me what I need.”

She had just begun to reach to unfasten his pants, when a message crackled from Rey’s wrist holo, which she had taken off and thrown in the basket.

Poe’s voice crackled from the basket. “Rey, fair warning. I’m inbound, five minutes out.”

Their eyes opened, widened. Ben couldn’t help but sigh. “I knew it. It’s always something.”

“I knew I should have thrown that thing in the ocean the first day he gave it to me,” Rey grumbled

They scrambled up, separating and packing up the lunch as quickly as they could. A few minutes later, Poe stormed into the clearing. Rey tried not to look surprised, but her eyes were too wide. She never would have lasted as an intelligence agent. Too open, too trusting.

Poe took in the clearing, the waterfall, the picnic basket. “Quaint. Come on. We have to get back to headquarters. The Security Council is asking about you. Rey, with me. You, pilot the speeder back on your own.” This last was directed at Ben.

Rey didn’t move. “No, I want to know what this is about. Why do you think you can come in here and give us orders?”

Poe fixed her with a hard, cold stare. “I’m trying to help you. Rep Oolon tracks your movements pretty much any time he’s on the planet. Since he was off-world for most of the day, he may not know that you snuck off together. But he’s certainly paying attention now. I didn’t ask to be part of this conspiracy, but now that I am, I’m going to make sure it’s effective.”

Rey looked to Ben, and he shrugged. “He’s got a point. We’ve all gone too far to turn back now.”

Poe rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, stamping back down the forest to where the speeders were parked. Rey turned one last glance at the clearing, reaching up to tame her hair back into a bun. Then she sighed, shrugged one slender shoulder at Ben, as if to say “What can you do?” and she turned to follow Poe.

Poe had already fired up his speeder, a two-seater, and as soon as Rey climbed into the passenger seat, he took off. Ben stowed the basket and followed, wrapping the memory of that afternoon around him like a cloak, against whatever torments the future held. Whatever else might happen, this was his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ben. He can never really be happy in the moment. He's always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
> 
> Also, no helmets. We die like maniacs.
> 
> And I just realized the third sentence taken out of context could be a little suggestive. *George Takei voice* Oh my!
> 
> Oh, and in my head I hear Ben say "Dopey?" in the same way Han Solo said "Scoundrel?" in Empire. Cause why not?
> 
> Rey and Ben share one (1) brain cell and Ben does not get to have it very much in this chapter.


	16. Mourning and Festivities

Ben drove the speeder back to the hangar, and the guard on-duty stowed it away. On his way to the Security Council chambers, he dropped by the kitchens and left the keys with a steward, who promised to give them back to Selvyn as soon as he saw her.

He was the last to arrive at the chambers, all the Council members were seated, with Rey standing in the center, arms crossed over her chest, an angry look on her face as she faced Poe. She turned to look at Ben as he entered the room, and her angry look did not shift or lessen. If anything, it increased slightly.

Shit.

He wracked his brain to think what he had done to earn that look, but couldn’t think of anything. He reached out to her, but all he got was a buzzy kind of static, like a hive of bees were trapped in her brain.

“Thanks for joining us. I was just briefing Master Rey on the battles the Republic won today,” Poe explained to Ben, a look of mischief on his face that Ben despised.

“Yes,” Rey said, her words clipped and short. “The ones you neglected to mention to me.”

Ben paused, confused. He looked at Poe, sensing the trap too late.

“I spoke to Ben before I left. He said he didn’t want you to know because you would want to go fight.”

Ben fixed his face into a calm expression that hopefully didn’t betray how much he wanted to throttle that smug look off Poe’s face, and turned to Rey. “That’s not what I said-”

She fixed him with a cool look, one eyebrow cocked. “You didn’t say, ‘Half the galaxy is fighting some of the most important battles of our lifetime, let’s not tell Rey?’”

“I definitely didn’t say that.”

Rey turned back to Poe. “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me. I should have been there.”

D’Acy cleared her throat, looking slightly uncomfortable, like she didn’t relish her role in this. “Master Rey, we should have discussed this with you. I will apologize on behalf of the entire Council that we did not. We came to a decision not to include you in our military plans, partly because your work with Poe to dismantle the Scarlet Order is vital to the continued survival of the Republic. But we also want to start distancing Force users from the military branches of the Republic. There was a time in this galaxy when Jedi did not hold military titles. They were peacekeepers, not soldiers.”

Rey took half a beat to consider her response, then nodded. “Yes, I would have liked to have been consulted. Of course, I see the reasoning behind this decision.”

Rep Oolon turned to Poe and wondered aloud, “Does that count as a lie, General Dameron?”

“Of course not,” Rey snapped. “I never directly asked Ben if the Republic was fighting any battles that no one bothered to tell me about. So he never lied. Has the Council fixed on any new ways to patronize me, or may I be dismissed for today?”

Rep Oolon made an obsequious apology that Rey ignored, already sweeping to the exit. Ben had to admit her anger was formidable, the entire Council shifted uncomfortably in her wake, looking guilty. After Rey had left, Ben turned back to Poe.

“Has there been any progress in the search?” he asked as the Council turned back to the business at hand.

“None. My old contacts have never heard of her or anyone like her. Master Rey thinks it may be an alias, and I’m inclined to agree.”

“Very well. Thank you for your report.” His tone implied dismissal, so Ben nodded and turned to leave. D’Acy caught his eye before he left, and gave him a small smile.

In the lift on the way up, Ben replayed certain parts of the conversation. D’Acy had clearly been reluctant to participate, and her delivery of the Council’s decision had been rote and staged. And then there the way she’d called her Master Rey. D’Acy hadn’t called Rey Master in weeks...

It suddenly dawned on him – this had been a play, for Rep Oolon, and anyone else who might suspect that Rey and Ben were becoming close. He snorted as the doors opened onto the Atrium. Of course. If only that asshole Dameron didn’t take such glee in playing his part.

A celebratory mood had fallen over the Republic’s capital. Ben had almost forgotten that the war was over, at least officially. The First Order holdouts had fallen, some soldiers taken prisoner, but most either killed or destroyed themselves with whatever method was closest to hand. Nothing remained of the First Order hierarchy.

Except himself, some morose part of his brain chimed in.

He sighed and left the atrium, walking the short distance to their quarters. The door slid open to reveal another, smaller party than the one he had left behind. Chewie greeted him with a roar, crossing the short distance to sweep him up into a rough, furry hug. In the first few seconds before he realized it was a hug, Ben was certain that Chewie had decided to murder him, and that his final moments in this galaxy would be suffocating on a giant hairball.

After Chewie let him go, Ben saw the room was filled with Rey’s friends, maybe his friends too, he wasn’t entirely certain. Finn and Jannah were standing by the windows, excitedly telling Rey about their exploits at the Battle of Yoon, each talking over the other when they felt they weren’t telling it right. Rose, Connix, and Beaumont were sitting on the sofa, listening raptly to Lando telling the story of how Han Solo had won the Falcon off him in a sabbac game, a story Ben had heard so many times he could have recounted it word for word, including pauses for effect. He could even tell you exactly when Han would have jumped into the story to proclaim, much aggrieved, “That never happened! Don’t believe anything this guy tells you!”

It hit him like a wave as everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him. He was the reason Ben Solo wasn’t here, arguing with Lando over events that happened fifty years ago. He was the reason Leia Organa would never get to celebrate a victory she had spent her whole life working towards. He was the reason Rey would never complete her training with Luke.

To his embarrassment, he felt his eyes welling, his vision growing misty. He walked through the room to the glass door, slid it open quietly and stepped outside, just making it before the first tears fell. He walked as far as he could, crouched by a fir tree, and let out a wail as he gripped the bark on the tree, grateful for the way it cut into his hand, grateful for the small mercy of physical pain.

He heard footsteps behind him, and tried to suck the tears back inside of him, tried to tamp it all back down again. But he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore than he could have dammed a river with just his bare hands.

Lando stopped a few paces behind him, sighed. “Hey kid.”

Ben couldn’t help but laugh at the usage of Han’s preferred greeting for him. The laugh came out half-sob, half-snort. Ben wiped at his face with the back of his hand before standing and turning halfway to face his father’s oldest friend. “I used to hate it when he said that. But now I think I would give anything to hear him call me kid again.”

Lando nodded. “I know.”

“I miss him so much,” his voice broke, and he took a second to control it. “But I’m the reason he’s gone.”

Lando looked up at the stars, and on instinct Ben looked too. They were so bright tonight, so beautiful it hurt him a little to look at them, and he swung his gaze back down to the ground.

“I don’t know much, but I know he loved you. He never thought he was the kind of father you deserved. I think we both know he didn’t know how to be a father. He thought ‘He’s got his mom; he doesn’t need me’. He was a bit old-fashioned in that respect, and Leia was so self-sufficient, I don’t think it ever occurred to him that you really needed him.

“He thought fathers do the big stuff, you know? Make sure the kid has food, make sure he’s got a roof over his head and clothes on his back. And the other stuff, that was all your mother. So if in some way he could give his life to bring you back, he would have. He’d have done it gladly. Cause that was the big stuff.”

Lando took a step forward and laid a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

Ben took a deep breath. “How do I live with myself? I’m the reason they’re gone, not just Dad, but Luke and Mother.” He pointed to the party. “They would be here celebrating with you if it wasn’t for me. How do I live with that?”

“We can’t change the past. That’s just the way it is. Trust me, it’ll be with you all your life. The best you can do is live your life, and make it a tribute to their memory. They sacrificed themselves to try to give you a better life. That’s what parents do. You take that life and make it the best you can.” Lando shrugged. “That’s all we can do. Take it from an old man who also betrayed Han Solo once.”

Lando grinned and for a moment he looked just like he had when Ben was small, when he would show up at his parents’ door with a cask of Savareen brandy and a deck of sabbac. Ben would be sent to bed early on those nights, but he remembered lying awake for hours, listening to the hum of their voices from the other room, frequently interspersed with laughter.

“Now, in honor of the old man’s memory, I’m gonna give you the awkward hug he would have given you if he were here.”

Lando drew Ben into a half-embrace, one hand thumping his back a few times before releasing him.

“Now come on back to the party. I’m gonna get you sauced.”

Ben laughed and quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. Lando’s tone had not been a suggestion, and as soon as he was sure his face was dry, Ben followed him, after glancing once back up at the stars.

Ben found that he fit into the party better than he though he would. Rey brought him a glass of the honey wine he liked, with a small smile.

_I’m sorry I was mad at you. I know it wasn’t your fault. Poe was just using you to get a reaction out of me. And I know he was lying about what he said you said to him about me._

Ben smiled back. It was like a weight was lifted, knowing that she wasn’t angry with him. He took a sip of the drink, then another, feeling the tight coils inside him slowly unwind.

Jannah and Finn seized upon him first, happy to find someone who hadn’t heard all about their exploits at the Battle of Yoon. He found that he didn’t mind this, it was simple and uncomplicated, all they wanted from him was a willing listener. So he smiled and nodded, and asked questions, looking impressed at all the right parts.

When they were done, Lando tore him away to help him tell the story of when Ben stole has father’s speeder (“Borrowed!” Ben protested, mumbling after under his breath, “Without permission.”) and crashed it into a brand-new statue that had just been unveiled in Senate Park, his mother being one of the horrified guests of honor.

“Ben, remind me, who was the statue of?”

Ben winced, taking another sip of wine. “My grandfather, Bail Organa. I thought she was gonna kill me. It was the anniversary of the destruction of Alderaan, too,” he remembered, putting a hand over his eyes.

“How old were you?” Rose asked, pouring them both another glass of wine.

“I was five, in my defense.”

“You piloted a speeder at five years old?” Finn laughed, looking astounded.

“How far did you go?” Rey asked, sitting perched on the arm of the sofa, one leg pulled up to her chest.

“A few kilometers, actually. Ok, here’s the real story. It makes me sound not nearly so crazy! I was at home playing a game with my babysitter, her name was Ela. We were playing hide and seek. I was going to hide in my mother’s room, when I saw that she had left a medal behind, on her dressing table. I knew it was my grandfather Bail’s and that she had meant to take it with her, to the ceremony. I thought how sad she must have been to have forgot it, so I was going to take it to her.”

“On a speeder you weren’t supposed to drive, by yourself? Presumably without telling your baby-sitter?” Jannah asked.

“No, I wanted my mother to think it was all my idea.”

“How did you even know how to pilot a speeder?” Connix asked. “Han couldn’t have shown you?”

“That is where you are wrong, Han Solo absolutely showed me how to pilot a speeder.” He nodded in response to the shrieks of laughter from his audience, spreading one hand out in a for-your-consideration gesture.

“When I got to the park, I got distracted when I saw my mother, I mistook the gas for the break, I swerved to avoid the people,” he emphasized this point with one index finger extended, “and ran right into the statue. For the record, neither child nor statue were badly damaged, but Han Solo was in quite a bit of trouble with his wife.”

Rey and Finn, in turn told Ben the story of meeting Han Solo for the first time, on the Millenium Falcon that she had flown from Jakku, of being taken onboard the freighter hauling rathtars, at the mere mention of which Finn shuddered, and how Rey meant to reset the fuses to shut the doors between Han Solo and the death squads, but she pulled the wrong fuses and accidentally opened the doors to the rathtar pens instead, letting them loose to roam about the ship at will.

“You know what still bothers me about that?” Finn said, looking at Rey seriously.

“The fact that we watched like a dozen people die gruesome deaths?” Rey asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Nah, they probably had it coming. No, it’s wondering what happened to that ship? Is there a freighter floating around in space like a ghost ship?”

Rey cackled and slapped her knee. “Only no ghosts, rathtars!”

“We should really do humanity and alien-kind a favor and go find that ship, put a huge DO NOT ENTER sign on it.”

Beaumont shook his head. “Knowing people, that would only make them want to visit it more!”

“I still don’t understand, what would anyone want with those things? They can’t make good pets,” Rey shook her head, puzzled.

“Eh, people are weird,” Lando said, laughing, shrugging his shoulders. “Probably wanted them for some kind of bizarre method of death penalty.”

A wave of disgust washed over the younger members of the room. Chewie, laying out full length on the floor in front of the fire bellowed a roar of laughter, reminding Lando of the rancor pit, then growled something in Shyriiwook, still laughing.

“What’d he say?” Finn asked, who was still rusty in alien languages.

Rey rolled her eyes, she kept telling him to get a universal translator chip. “He said there’s worse ways to die!”

After a few hours, and several bottles of wine, the party began to break up. All the rooms in the capital building were full, so Rey and Ben tried to accommodate everyone. Finn and Jannah took the empty bedroom, Chewie offered to stay and sleep on the floor.

“You sure Chewie?” Rey asked, bringing him an extra pillow and blanket.

He assented, told her he’d slept in worse, curling up on the rug and falling asleep within minutes. Rey smiled.

Connix and Beaumont took Chewie’s room, and Ben gave up his room to Lando, who tried to protest, but Ben insisted that he could sleep just as comfortably on the sofa.

“I do it all the time,” he argued. “Besides, you’re our guest.”

Rey and Rose agreed to share Rey’s bed. Everyone said goodnight and went to catch a few hours of sleep.

“This is fun,” Rose said after she came out from the bathroom, having changed into her pajamas. “It’s like a sleepover!”

Rey smiled, turning down the covers and getting into bed. “What’s that?”

“Paige and I used to have them all the time! We’d get in our pajamas, and watch bad holo films, and stay up late talking about boys.” She lay down, looking at Rey with a somber expression. “I miss her.”

Rey reached out and held Rose’s hand. “We’ll have a good send-off for her tomorrow. For everyone we lost.”

Rose smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Rey. I’m so glad I have you for a friend.”

“Me too. Two years ago, I didn’t have any. Too bad it took a war for us all to meet.”

Rey reached out and flicked off the lights, and Rose turned over to lay on her other side. Rey lay on her back, and reached out to Ben before she fell asleep. She couldn’t think of any words to send, so she just thought of how much she cared for him, how much she had enjoyed listening to his stories and spending time with him tonight. Just before she drifted off, he reached back, and she felt the ghost of a kiss on her cheek.

The next eight days were a blur of events commemorating the end of the war. The first two days, memorials were held for the fallen soldiers, but everyone seemed to mourn differently, as Rey had seen at the party after the Battle of Exogol. People gathered by home worlds to mourn, and each culture was different from the next. In the Atrium, many groups held vibrant celebrations of life, boasting of the heroic deeds of their fallen comrades, vowing to continue in their memory. In the Republic Chambers, delegations took turns performing more formal, somber mourning ceremonies. Some lit incense, the smoke curling up to the sky, some prayed, some chanted the names of their dead, some performed intricate mourning dances.

Rey, Finn, Jannah, Connix, Beaumont, and Poe stood next to Rose as she stood in the garden and wrote her sister’s name on a red paper lantern. She lit a little flame beneath it, and let the lantern fly away, their heads thrown back, watching it soar away until they could no longer see the red speck in the brilliant blue sky. Rey put her arms around Rose’s shoulders, laying her head on Rose’s shoulder. Connix followed suit on Rose’s other side, Finn leaned into her back, arms around her waist, and Jannah, Beaumont, and Poe reached out and put a hand on her shoulder or one of her hands, so that she was surrounded by her friends, standing with her in her grief.

Later, in the Atrium, Rose added her sister’s name to a great mural being assembled along the walls, along with Paige’s picture. Rose and Rey walked along the walls, looking at all the names and faces, and tears fell softly down their cheeks. Rey felt a great release, like she was letting go of a grief she no longer had to carry.

After the mourning, a whole week was declared an official Republic holiday. That was when the parties began in earnest. Every day there was some celebration scheduled, often highlighting a particular group or squad and their contributions to the victory. At the end of the week, after a day of feasting, everyone shuttled to the beach, arriving in time for sunset over the ocean. Thousands of people were there, ranging up and down the beach for a mile. At sunset, bells tolled up and down the beach, calling for a moment of silence. Rey stood with Ben and the others, looking out across the calm waters. Ben brushed the back of his hand against her hand, not holding it exactly, just letting their hands rest against each other.

After the minute was up, bonfires were lit, and food and drink served. Soon music started, and dancing commenced. Rey couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so hard, and she knew she had never gotten so tipsy. She was dancing with Beaumont when Poe cornered her, asking for a dance.

At first, Rey was tempted to decline the offer. But she shook the impulse off. They were friends. She had danced with all of her friends. He had been careless with her feelings, it was true, but Rey could forgive that, especially because she knew he was motivated by his good intentions, to keep the Council from knowing about her feelings for Ben.

She took his hand, and he slipped one hand around her waist, pulling her close. She could tell from his breath and his slightly off-balance posture that he was a little drunk. Rey put one hand on his shoulder, pushing him a little farther away from her.

“Sorry,” he muttered, and they began to sway gently to the music. Rey was glad he wasn’t attempting the more spirited spinning and dipping that Beaumont had led her in. She didn’t think Poe’s stomach could take it.

“Where’s the Supreme Leader?” Poe asked, then immediately capitulated under Rey’s withering glare. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you don’t like that. Where’s Ben?”

Rey turned her head. “I’m not sure. He was dancing with Rose a minute ago.”

Poe leaned forward but apparently mis-judged his trajectory. His mouth landed on her neck. Rey pushed him away.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice frosty cold.

“I just thought maybe if you knew that you had options, you wouldn’t be with him. You don’t have to be alone, Rey.” He tried to reach out to stroke her cheek, but she pushed his hand away.

“You’re drunk, Poe.”

“I’m drunk,” he mumbled. “Who cares?”

“You’re talking nonsense.”

“Not nonsense, Rey. It’s how I feel.”

“This is crazy, you don’t have feelings for me.”

Poe grabbed her arm as she turned away from him. “Walk away and I’ll scream. I’ll tell everyone about you and Ben.”

“Try it and I’ll strangle you,” she growled through her teeth.

Poe blinked and started laughing, hysterically laughing. “Never mind. I was wrong all along,” he said between fits of laughter. “You’re perfect for each other.”

Rey snatched her arm out of his grasp, walked away from him into the crowd.

“YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!” he shouted after her, but if anyone heard him, no one connected his words to Rey. They would just think he was drunk, Rey reasoned.

Ben found her a few minutes later. “Are you all right? Was that Poe shouting?”

Rey looked over her shoulder, but Poe was nowhere to be found. “Yeah, best to stay away from him if you can help it.” She turned back to him, but her gaze didn’t quite meet his. “He made a pass at me.”

Ben frowned. “Are you ok?”

Her mouth hitched up in the corner, not quite a real smile. “Yeah, he was very inebriated and I’m fairly good at defending myself.”

“I know, but that still might have felt…strange.”

“It felt very strange. I had no idea he felt that way. I told him he was just drunk, but now that I’m looking back on the events of the last few months, I’m not so sure I haven’t been ignoring the signs.” She scoffed. “I don’t even know if I could read the signs if they were twelve meters high. It’s not like I’ve been the subject of much declarations of passion.”

Ben looked around. No one was watching. He pulled Rey closer to him, his arm on her waist, her hand in his, pulling her into the dance, but maintaining a discrete distance between them.

“Would it be terrible of me to say that I’m glad of that? I want to be the only one making declarations of passion to you.”

Rey smiled up at him. “Agreed. If you looked at another woman, I’d scratch your eyes out.”

Ben’s eyes lit up, but his face stayed serious. “I’m sure you would.”

After their dance, Ben and Rey decided to head back to the capital. They boarded a transport, sitting towards the back. When the ‘sporter was loaded up, the doors shut, and they rumbled along in the dark. Rey placed her hand on Ben’s, fingers interlacing. After a few minutes, her head sank onto his shoulder, and she felt herself drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter, thanks for hanging in there! I hope you didn't feel like this was all angst. There will be fluffier content ahead, but just a warning that the next few chapters may end up being pretty angsty and dramatic. But, the good news is they're all written already, I'm just doing some editing, so I should be able to post pretty quickly.
> 
> As always, your kudos and comments and very much appreciated. Let me know what you think!


	17. Six Weeks Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. I had started a very different chapter, but ended up scrapping it because the words were just not cooperating. This is the next section of the fic, and these are the chapters I've had written for a really long time, actually. The other chapter was going to be called Amends and start with Poe's apology to Rey. I might post it someday as like Chapter 16.2, if that's a thing you can do on AOS. I don't know why, but it just wasn't working, and I didn't really know what else to do to fill the chapter. So, I just decided not to force it, and to move on with the rest of the story. Poe definitely did apologize and Rey accepted it, but things are a little rocky still between them. Sorry, I hate telling story in the chapter notes, but that chapter just didn't want to play nice with me!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the kudos and comments! Even just seeing the hit counter go up in the last week has been awesome!

Rey stirred and woke as early morning light slowly peeked into the room over the garden wall. She had been dead tired the night before and forgot to black out the windows, but found herself grateful for the oversight as she watched the sunrise over the garden and peaceful pool. It was a beautiful autumn day. Rey lay for a few minutes and watched as leaves drifted into the pond, gold and red and brown.

She still felt exhausted, but emotionally, not as much physically after a long night’s sleep. It had been four months since she, Poe and the Squad started storming Scarlet Order hideouts, often deployed five days out of the new Republic Standard week of six days. She felt like she watched the seasons of Ardone changing through the beautiful picture windows of her bedroom: spring to summer, then last week she woke up and autumn seemed to have snuck up on them. She felt like she had missed the summer completely. She lay in bed and tried to remember how many times in the last four months she had been able to leave the compound and go outside, sit in the sun and not worry about a mission. She could remember three times.

Rey chuckled out loud, then rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her pillow, grinning into the soft fabric as she stretched her stiff muscles. They had been three very good days, though.

Rey pushed away these pleasant memories, and the impulse to linger in bed, and stood. She sent out a tentative feeling to Ben, to check if he was awake and not occupied in the washroom. She found him sitting on a low chair outside the dining room window, with a book and a cup of coffee. No one else seemed to be in the quarters that morning, so Rey could forgo dressing for now, instead pulling a robe on over her nightgown and pushing her feet into thick, fleece-lined slippers.

She went through the door that opened onto the little sitting area outside, overlooking the garden. Ben put a bookmark between two pages to mark his progress, and shut the book. “You’re up early.”

“Forgot to black out the windows, sunrise woke me up. Where did the summer go?” She exhaled and her breath fogged up in front of her.

“This summer was unusually short, but summer is never very long here. Which you would know if you’d read about the climate and agriculture of North Ardone,” he teased.

“Can’t believe I forgot to add that to my reading list!” She pulled her robe tighter around her against the chill. “You’re not cold?”

Ben smiled at her. “You forget, I like the cold. But we can go in if you’re cold.”

Rey suppressed thoughts of how he could more effectively keep her warm, and followed him inside.

At the table, she sat down, poured herself a cup of coffee, and picked up her datapad to read about the current events occurring throughout the Republic. She munched on a few pieces of lappas, a local delicacy she had come to enjoy, a thin, crispy sheet of pastry drizzled with honey.

After this brief meal, Rey did not like heavy fare first thing in the morning, Rey switched off the datapad and stood, refilling her coffee cup half full.

“What are your plans today?” she asked Ben, adding a sweet cinnamon-y cream to her coffee.

“I want to finish this book, maybe go for a run. You?”

Rey sighed, looking out at the brightening sky. “Poe’s supposed to have tracked down another secret base. We’ll go today, if he has.”

Rey went back to her bedroom, showered quickly, not bothering to wash her hair, and dressed in what had become her uniform: long dove grey pants, a slightly darker short-sleeved tunic, designed in the local style with a little fabric pouch on the front where she could store objects. Rey, who was often cold, favored fleece-lined pouches to keep her hands warm. She strapped grey ankle boots to her feet, and her belt around her waist. She checked for the extra battery pack for her blaster that she kept in a compartment of her belt, and for the small knife she kept in the false bottom of her shoe. Ben had given it to her after her first three missions. They had never spoken about it, but she always kept it on her.

In the living room, Ben was sitting on the sofa, book still shut on his lap. He had started a fire, and the smoky smell and low crackle made her even more reluctant to leave. She wished she could curl up next to him, wrapped in a blanket, with a book and a cup of coffee and maybe some kind of small, cuddly, furry animal on her lap.

Rey never knew what to say to Ben when it was just the two of them: she had never been good with words, and words were not enough to express how she felt. If Finn or Covax or Rose were here, as they sometimes slept over in the two extra bedrooms when Republic business brought them to Ardone, she would have bid them all goodbye, or more likely, they would be leaving with her, and it wouldn’t feel so lonely and melancholy as it did on this morning.

She stood behind him and combed her fingers through his hair, which was starting to grow longer than he usually kept it. Ben caught her hand and held it, without looking back at her.

“Please be careful,” he murmured, staring at the fire.

“I’m always careful,” Rey teased, bending down to kiss his neck, just below his ear, where she knew he was sensitive. Ben turned his head and caught her mouth fully on his. Rey shivered at this touch, at the raw passion that he rarely let her fully feel.

He pulled back to look at her, like he was committing her face to memory, then he kissed her quickly one more time and let her go.

Rey straightened, and blinked hard a few times as she left the room. Once the door slid shut behind her, she settled a careful mask over her features. She had developed the mask bit by bit over the last four months; it was the face of a seasoned soldier, who did not love a man she could not openly acknowledge, who was not affected by the sight of dead men and women, or children. She wore the mask so it would not become her true face, and reminded herself every day that one day she would destroy the mask and never put on another as long as she lived.

When she arrived at the Mission Room, Poe was waiting for her. He smiled when she came in. “Good, you’re up. I found that base. Are you ready to move out?”

Rey’s voice, when it came, was strained. “Yes. I didn’t realize I was holding you up.”

“You weren’t,” Poe replied. “I was just finalizing plans.” He flipped on a display screen.

“Our destination is Planet Z. Base is underground, so we won’t be splitting up. We only know of one entrance-”

“Underground?” Rey asked, frowning at the web of tunnels. “This sounds like a really bad idea. Like a trap. What if they cut off our exit?”

“They won’t. We’ll leave Mountain and Cooper to cover the entrance. We’re bringing a lot of extra firepower, far more than usual, since we don’t have to try to blend in. The base is far away from any population centers. We’re going to fly right in and unload on top of them.”

“Won’t they see us coming?”

“We’ll fly pretty low. They shouldn’t see us.”

Rey must not have looked convinced. Poe reminded her of what he had told her before her first mission. “Anyone can call abort for any reason.”

She shook her head and sighed. “No, you’d just go without me. Let’s get it over with.”

Poe handed a datapad to D’Acy. “Here’s our flight plan, General.”

“Stay sharp, General! Rey,” she smiled at the pair.

The trip and touchdown were uneventful. The squad filed off the ship, orderly as lines of ants. The pilot: code-named Ace, shut the ramp behind them and kept the ship’s engines on standby. As they had on a hundred previous missions, each group of three filed into the entrance, a naturally occurring cave that soon gave way to human-built tunnels.

A queasy feeling started to grow in Rey’s stomach. She tried to dismiss the feeling as just an unease with small, underground spaces. But the further they walked down empty passageways, the more nervous she got. Finally she spoke to Poe.

“I don’t like this. Where is everyone? We should have been spotted by now.”

“Don’t get jumpy,” Poe admonished. “There could be any number of reasons why we haven’t met resistance.”

“Yes, for example, because it’s a trap.”

The trap sprang so quickly, she hardly had time to speak to him again. It started when Cooper’s voice came over the comm, the crackle of blaster fire loud in the background.

“Mountain’s down, we’ve been ambushed, five or ten combatants-” He cut off.

Rey ignited her lightsaber. At the same moment, automated turrets sprang from trap doors in the ground before them and started to fire. The Squad began to return fire, retreating to try to get cover from a bisecting corridor a few meters behind them. As soon as Rey reached the corridor, two men emerged from a side door, and fired more than two dozen projectiles at her. She reached out quickly and pushed most of them away, and they fell harmlessly to the floor. Not quick enough to stop them all, though. She looked down at the scratches two had made on her arm. One was still lodged in her right hand.

She pulled it out and stared at it, horror mounting. It was a tiny dart. She suddenly realized she couldn’t _feel_ anything around her. She _pushed_ against the men who had shot at her, but nothing happened. She raised her blaster and began firing, all the while trying to reach out to Ben. There was nothing but silence.

“We might be slightly fucked, Poe. My Force power is gone.”

They were soon surrounded by assailants. One slid two discs toward them, which created an electric current that shocked Rey and Poe and the remaining four squad members. Rey fell to the ground and a man with gold green eyes and pale hair almost as white as his skin injected her with some kind of sedative. She fought to stay conscious, but she could feel herself drifting away. She made one last attempt to reach out to Ben, thought his name as hard as she could, but knew he couldn’t hear her. She had never felt more alone.


	18. Rescue Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to warn about language. #LetStarWarsSayFuck

Halfway across the galaxy, Ben dropped his book into his lap. It was such a strange sensation, filling him with dread. He had been linked to Rey for so long, that feeling this void from her felt like waking up to find he could no longer remember a chunk of his life.

 _Rey_ , he reached out, but knew it was useless. He jumped up, left their living quarters, and ran all the way to the Mission Room. He hammered on the door and called D’Acy’s name until the general opened the door. Her face was stricken as she let him in, holding a hand up for silence until she shut the door behind him.

“Are they alive? She just went quiet. She’s gone.”

D’Acy calmly explained that there was an ambush. “They’ve been captured, I believe. We were able to confirm vitals of Rey and Poe, as well as Strawberry, Giggles, Bright Eyes, and Squeak.”

“That’s half the squad, what about everyone else?”

She shook her head slowly. “They didn’t make it. Their transmitters confirmed no vitals for five minutes.”

Ben took a deep breath, grabbed a console to steady himself. “How do you know the others aren’t dead as well?”

“The wristbands they wore transmit their location and life signs wherever they are. Their vitals were perfectly fine, albeit with elevated heart rates, then the signal cut off, a minute before you got here. It tells us the wristbands were removed and destroyed.”

“Well, I need to go find them right away, can someone get me a ship?”

D’Acy held up her hand as Ben strode to the door. “You can’t go alone.”

“Why not, I’ve done it before.” He tugged on the door, but it wouldn’t slide. He shook it roughly, but it stuck fast.

“That’s not how we do things, and that door won’t open until an authorized user opens it.”

Ben had just raised a foot to kick the door, when it slid open, revealing Finn standing on the other side. Finn ducked back a little, while Ben lowered his foot and stared at Finn for a moment, not moving.

Fin stared right back, then shrugged. “You going to let me in?”

Ben moved to one side and Finn stepped in, the door sliding shut behind him. “Good to see we’re all staying calm. I got your message,” Finn addressed this last to D’Acy. “Where are they?”

D’Acy pulled up the planet on a display. “This is where the signal was last detected. An underground base. They’re undoubtedly moving them right now.”

“Which is why we should be there now,” Ben pointed out.

“You’re not wrong,” Finn conceded. “I’ve got the Troopers, we can move out in fifteen minutes. You got a ship for us?”

“Cadet is being fueled now. She’ll be ready in five minutes.”

Now that Ben had a moment to calm down, he felt a little embarrassed. When Finn turned away from D’Acy, Ben stopped him. “I’m sorry. I should have known you both had a plan.”

Finn smiled, and Ben was surprised to see it looked genuine. “I get it. I really do. But we’re going to do everything we can to get them back.”

Ben nodded, letting out a slow breath.

“Traitors have to stick together, right?” Finn chuckled and waved to D’Acy as they left.

“I’m going to go change. I’ll meet you at the hangar.”

“Ten minutes,” Finn called over his shoulder.

Ben ran back to his quarters, traded his slacks and sweater for a pair of close-fitting black pants and long-sleeved shirt, lacing up black ankle boots. Lastly, he fell to one knee next to his bed and reached under the frame, stretching as far as he could toward the head of the bed. He reached with his Force for Leia’s lightsaber, hidden between the frame and the mattress, which slid down and into his hand. He secured the saber in a holster strapped to his calf, pulling the pant leg over it.

He sprinted all the way to the hangar, ignoring the odd looks he was drawing. Finn looked down at his wrist display as Ben ran up. “One minute to spare, good. Let’s go.”

The Troopers were already on board, as Ben found. The chatter abruptly cut off as he entered the hold of the small ship. Finn followed behind him, raised the ramp. “Let’s go,” he shouted to the pilot, and they took off immediately.

Finn turned back to the troopers. “I really appreciate you scrambling so fast, with no idea why. I know we were all expecting time off, but Wing’s Squad needs our help. There was an ambush, and we think they’ve been captured. There were six still alive as of,” he referred to his wrist display, “fifteen minutes ago. So we’re going to head in and see what we can do to help.”

“What about Sparkles?” Jannah asked.

Ben turned to Finn. “Who the fuck is Sparkles?”

Finn looked at Ben and raised an eyebrow. “You know, your dear friend Sparkles.”

Ben scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Who picks these names?”

“To answer the question, we’re pretty sure she was captured,” Finn responded.

Jannah looked at Ben, “Don’t you know for sure? Aren’t you linked?”

Ben nodded. “Something happened to her. I can’t sense her anymore.”

“I’m a bit confused about that,” Finn said. “Does that just mean she’s unconscious or something?”

“No, I can still sense her when she’s asleep. It’s like,” Ben searched for the words, “if you were in a dark room and you could hear someone breathing. You would still hear them breathing if they were asleep. I think somehow they’ve suppressed her abilities.”

The troopers were silent a moment. Jannah said what they were all probably thinking, “So it could happen to you, too?”

Ben shrugged. “Yes.”

Finn checked his blaster. “It’s not going to, though. For one thing, we know what we’re walking into. Fore-warned is fore-armed. They suspected a trap, we’re going in knowing there is one. Besides, they’d do the same for us.”

“Heard,” the troopers chorused in unison.

“How we doing, Boomer?” Finn asked the pilot.

“Making our descent now.”

“Get ready, Troopers. Flipper, Blondie, you’ll go first. You see movement, feel free to lay down some fire, but keep it low. We don’t want to kill first, and regret it later. Keep comms open, call out cross-corridors, check doors.”

The ship landed. Ben turned to Finn. “Where do you want me?”

“I’m touched you asked. You armed?”

“I mean, I always am, but yes.”

“Then you can come with me. We’ll follow these two brickwalls here.” He pointed to Jannah and another young woman with black hair.

“Flipper and Blondie?”

“Flippe’,” Jannah drawled, pulling a knife from her belt, flipping it in the air, catching it, and tucking it into a sheath on her bandolier.

“Blondie,” said the other woman with creamy skin and brown eyes, checking grenades on her belt.

The ramp lowered and the vanguard dismounted, followed by Ben and Finn, then the rest of the troopers, ten pairs total.

Jannah and Blondie approached the cave, blasters up. Fin handed Ben an earpiece, which Ben tucked into place on his left ear.

“One tap to open comms, two to close. Go ahead and tap it three times to keep the mic open.”

“Fiddlesticks, Grumpy, you’re up,” Jannah purred in his ear.

Ben froze, stared at Finn. “Which am I?”

“Grumpy, of course. Come on.”

They followed Jannah. “This place is empty, by the way.”

“What?” Finn looked at Ben incredulously.

“Yeah, I don’t sense anyone here but us. They’ve been moved.”

Ben turned out to be right. They combed empty corridors, which took the troopers half an hour. They found the crushed wristbands on the floor of an underground, now empty, hangar.

Finn and Ben looked down at the pile. Jannah called from across the hangar, “I found them.”

Lined up in a row were seven bodies, the squad members who were killed on the incursion. Finn swore under his breath, then got on comms. “Boomer, call home base. Let them know we need a pickup.” He turned to Ben. “You have any idea where they are?”

“They took them on a ship, they could be anywhere. I’m going to head back to that first corridor, where the firefight was. Try to find out what happened to Sparkles.”

He looked, but there was hardly any evidence of anything but blaster burns. Ben noticed the floor was clean, though. It looked freshly swept. The floor only a few meters down the side corridor was still filthy.

“Why would they sweep the floor after they’ve taken prisoners, they know they’re running out of time to leave before we get here,” Ben wondered aloud.

A meter away, under a door jam, something small and silver caught his eye. He picked up a little dart they had missed, only a few centimeters long. Holding it very carefully, he spoke into his comms. “Can I get a medic here, please? By the cross-corridor where we saw the blaster marks?”

“Who you talking to, Grumpy?”

Ben sighed. “Fiddlesticks, do we have a medic?”

“Sure do, Grumpy. He’s on his way.”

The medic examined the dart, stowing it in a hard, plastic case. “We’ll get this back to the base as soon as we can, see if they can figure out what it is.”

Medics from the second transport walked through on their way to the hangar with stretchers.

“You think that dart had something to do with Sparkles?” Finn asked over the comm.

“Yeah, but I don’t know how.”

Ben cut off abruptly. One of the troopers started to talk to him, but he held up a hand to stop her. It had been the briefest of moments, but he had felt it, he was certain.

He turned off his comms, and spoke to the trooper he had shushed. “I just felt her, I felt Sparkles. They’re still on this planet. Go tell Fiddlesticks, but keep it off the comms, in case they’re listening.”

The trooper nodded and sprinted for the hangar.

_I don’t know if you can hear me, but we’re coming. Hold on._


	19. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for sexually inappropriate touching, and torture. I didn't add an archive warning for graphic violence because I don't find personally find it to be graphic, but if anyone disagrees, please let me know, and I'd be happy to add one. I am new to AO3, so I appreciate input on this.
> 
> If you want to avoid the violence, stop reading after: Rey had nothing but her bravado, so she hissed at him, “We’ll see.”

Ben woke her early that summer morning and told her he wanted to steal her away for the day, because of what she had said the week before, that she had never swum in an ocean. She agreed happily, Poe had promised her at least one day before their next mission. Selvyn came through with a little two-person tent, and loaned Rey her speeder again. Ben also borrowed a speeder, an open two-seater, and stuffed it full of food he had pilfered, blankets, a few books, a bottle of wine, and their clothes and the tent. They drove separately this time, so no one would see them leaving together. Ben left a few hours before Rey, and took a circuitous route north, then east to the sea. Rey set out a few hours later, taking a direct route to the beach.

When she pulled up to the remote ocean-front, she cut the engine and sat a moment just staring at it. Rey thought it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, even prettier than the waters that surrounded the island. That ocean was often beset by storms, fickle and cold. This ocean was wide and calm and tranquil. There were waves, but they seemed to just gently kiss the shore, not batter it.

Rey spotted Ben, waved across to him. He waved back, but before he could walk over to her, she was racing across the sand, pulling off her tunic and letting it sail in the ocean breeze behind her. Ben started running too, laughing, shouting for her to wait. But she couldn’t wait, she couldn’t explain it, but she felt like her whole life had been leading to this moment, to sparkling turquoise waters off a white sandy beach. Even the sand was different than she was used to, so fine and soft and hardly abrasive at all against her feet when she stopped a moment to kick off her shoes. Just beyond the water’s reach, she pulled off her pants, hopping on one leg for a moment when her foot got caught. Then she was free of her clothes and her earthly bounds, and was running into the foamy surf. Soon Ben was beside her, having shed his clothes too, and clad only in their simple bathing suits, they splashed through the water, holding hands. They walked farther and farther into the water, until a particularly large wave hit them, and Rey realized she could hardly reach the bottom anymore and keep her head above the rushing waters. Ben swept her to him then, but not before she caught a mouthful of seawater. The salt stung her eyes, and Rey clung to Ben’s neck, laughing despite the pain.

“We should go back,” Ben said, but Rey refused, still clinging to Ben’s neck.

“No, I don’t ever want to leave. I’m staying here forever.”

Ben kissed her then, and he tasted like salt and sun and sand.

That night, they built a driftwood fire and set up the tent, but stayed out under the stars until the fire burned out, talking half the night away about plans for the future. When they couldn’t bear to be apart another moment, they climbed into the tent, and melted together. Ben started kissing her at her head and didn’t stop until he was kneeling between her legs, each of her knees hooked over his shoulders, her feet tucked under his ribs. The roar of the surf almost drowned out her cries, sharp and raw, as she came, clutching Ben’s hair, looking up at the stars so bright she could see them through the thin mesh of the tent roof. And then he came to her, and they were bonded as she had never been before. It felt wonderfully like being home, being loved, finding not her other half, but the one she wanted beside her, to need her, to devour her.

Then suddenly they were back in the ocean, it was blinding, brilliant day again. She was holding onto Ben’s neck like a lifeline, and the waves were rushing in again, washing over her head. She looked up at Ben, laughing, then realized with a shock that it wasn’t him, he had a scar over his right cheek and forehead and cold merciless green eyes. With a scream, Rey let go of him, and the waves pulled her down, pulled her deep into the ocean where she would surely drown.

 _No, this isn’t really happening. This isn’t today, we went to the ocean months ago_. Slowly, Rey swam to consciousness through a thick stupor. Sleep clung to her like seaweed, threatening to drag her back down. Rey knew now she had dreamt the ocean, the campfire, Ben. Dream Kylo was the hardest to shake off, like an anchor he clung to her, claws digging into her wrist.

_Come back to sleep, remember the ocean, how you held me…_

_No, you’re not real_ , she murmured, and pushed him away violently. She didn’t want a feverish hallucination, she wanted real, flesh-and-blood Ben, who had a secret smile just for her, who never felt like a burden to her life, but a relief, a safe harbor.

But hadn’t she wanted to escape with him that day? Deep down, hadn’t she wished to leave the Republic and all of her obligations behind, to run away with him and never look back?

 _I wanted to escape the expectations they have of me, of the responsibilities I owe to the Republic, not reality, not consciousness._ Again, she pushed at the encumbrances weighing her down, kicked and struggled to free herself. Little by little, she regained awareness.

First, she heard low voices she did not recognize. She tried to make out what they were saying, but it made no sense to her. Another language, maybe? One that her translation chip didn’t recognize?

Next, she became aware of her body: stiff but mostly unharmed. She was able to move her fingers, but appeared to be restrained at the wrists and ankles. She _reached_ and felt a fleeting sense of triumph. She had thought she sensed Ben for a brief moment, but when she tried to reach out again, the feeling was gone. She tried to loosen her restraints with the Force, with no result.

Thus thwarted from either observing her surroundings or freeing herself, she opened her eyes. She was in a non-descript room, off-white walls, an examination table to which she was tied with stiff leather straps. The head of the table was elevated, so she was able to look around her easily. If not for the restraints, she might have been in a clinical room at the Republic headquarters, about to receive a physical.

The low voices came from behind a screened observation area. The green-eyed man who had injected her with the sedative was speaking to another man. Rey didn’t recognize him, he was older, with an unkind face. He pointed to Rey, getting the green-eyed man’s attention, who turned to look at her.

“She’s awake. Sooner than I had anticipated.”

“Is her Force back, also?” asked the older man.

“I’ll give her another dose, to be sure. Then you can begin.”

Rey struggled against the restraints as he approached with a needle, but it was useless. He injected her in the arm, and although Rey did not feel any immediate effects, she thought this must be whatever they had been using to suppress her Force powers. The green-eyed man smiled at her and caressed her cheeks in a way that made Rey squirm.

“Don’t worry, lovely. You be good to us, we will be good to you.”

Rey turned her head in a flash and bit his hand, sinking her teeth as hard as she could into the fleshy part of his thumb. Blood filled her mouth, and as he yanked his hand away with a cry, Rey gleefully spat the blood into his shocked face. With his other hand, he soundly slapped her across the face, hard enough to snap her head back against the table. Rey saw stars for a second, but tried not to let the pain show. She glared at the bleeding man, who grabbed a bandage and held it to his hand.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she snarled.

The older man laughed, and came into the room. “You deserve what you got,” he said to the man bandaging his hand. “You should know better.” The green-eyed man snarled and left the room, glaring daggers at Rey.

No longer laughing, the older man crossed to Rey and looked down at her, the mirth gone from his eyes. “I don’t blame you for biting that slime. But please know, I will never give you an opportunity to lash out at me like that. You may try, if it makes you feel better. I know you will. But you will never reach me, understand?”

Rey had nothing but her bravado, so she hissed at him, “We’ll see.”

The man smiled a slow, cruel smile, the smile of a man who is so certain. “But I will touch you, little Force Master. I will touch you.”

To illustrate his point, he reached out and, as easily as Rey had broken up little twigs for kindling on the beach, snapped the middle knuckle of her smallest finger on her right hand. At first, Rey felt a shock, but the sound had disturbed her more than anything, that and the immediate and inescapable knowledge that he could hurt her and she could do nothing about it. Then the pain rushed in, sharp and fierce. In the past, when Rey experienced pain, she had been able to use her Force sensitivity to ease it, not to completely relieve the pain, but reduce blood flow to the area to take away that pounding immediacy of the hurt. Now she felt everything. With every beat of her heart, the break throbbed. It felt like every cell of her body was aware that something was wrong.

 _Well, if I can’t ease the pain, at least I can try to work through it_. She shut her eyes and imagined the island, the waves, the salty sea breezes. She took deep breaths and reached out as she would have with the Force, reached out her consciousness, and found herself calming. The pain was still there, but no longer immediate, no longer foremost in her mind. _I can survive this. It’s only pain_.

She opened her eyes in time to see the man’s fist smash into her stomach. The calm and balance she had fought so hard to achieve were instantly forced from her. The island disappeared from her mind, as the breath disappeared from her lungs. It was all she could do to keep sucking in shallow breaths of air, never enough, as the muscles of her diaphragm contracted, screaming. In a few minutes, the muscles stopped contracting, and she was able to take deeper and deeper breaths. But there was the pain of her broken finger again, a steady dull ache to remind her that the worst was not over yet.

“Isn’t that a nice way to do that? I give you a small pain, then take away your ability to breathe, and then when you can breathe again, the little pain is waiting for you like a dog waits for you at home. Wagging his tail saying, ‘Hello, yes, I am still here.’ How many more bones do you think I will need to break, hm?”

Rey managed to squeeze out, “I don’t even know what you want!”

The man chuckled, a hollow sound. “I think you do. But it doesn’t matter because you will not give it to me, hm? You are just trying to negotiate, stall for time. But it won’t work. Because we’ve taken you away from that ‘secret’ base we let your General discover. The rescue team has already arrived to save you, but it is too late. We moved you here as soon as we took you. So how will they find you? Best to forget about them, hm? They cannot help you. Only you can help you. But you are too stubborn, hm? A man tries to touch you softly, to offer you a gentler way, you bite him and spit his blood in his face.” He laughed, long and loud.

“Again, I do not criticize. But you have shown me who you are. I wouldn’t trust anything you told me now. You’d tell me whatever you thought I wanted to hear. No, I think it will take many bones.” He reached out and grasped her ankle in his right hand, her calf in her left, and pulled the foot toward him sharply, keeping her calf steady. The crack of bone in her ankle was audible. Rey screamed, her spine arched so far that her shoulders lifted off of the table. The fist came down again onto her stomach.

She was thrown back into the ocean, off the island this time, the waves driving her into the rocks, then receding, then pummeling her against the rocks, over and over until her body was pulp. She sank into the cool, dark depths, and this time was nothing but grateful for the serene abandon of unconsciousness.


	20. The Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is the hardest part.

Finn stood in front of Ben, a look of skepticism on his face. “Are you _sure_ it was Rey? You said you only felt it for a second, and you haven’t been able to sense it since.”

They had climbed a hill above the cave, facing a sheer rock cliff that overlooked a lush forest, to be able to speak without fear of being overheard by listening devices. It had been two hours since Ben felt the blip, and there were two things about which Ben was certain: he would soon explode under the infinite weight of doing nothing, and he had felt Rey's presence in the Force, if only for a second.

“For the millionth time, yes, I’m one hundred percent positive. It lasted one tenth of a second, but I know it was her. She’s not far, either.”

“So what is the plan? Load up the ship and just fly around until you feel her again?”

Ben threw out his arms in exasperation. “You Republic types do have an Intelligence agency, right? They don’t just send you out in the dark attacking random bases, do they? Does the Republic not have any contacts on this forsaken planet? Can no one try to hunt down a lead as to where she could have been taken? I can’t use the Force for everything, you know.”

Finn nodded sagely. “Wow, Solo. Tell us more about what you can’t do, for us lowly peasants who thought you were invincible,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve already got HQ working on leads, asshole. It takes time. In the meantime, I don’t know what you want me to do with this information that Rey is nearby. What does nearby even mean? This side of the galaxy? This system?”

“This planet, this continent, this longitude. Close. They took a ship with a hyperdrive, so they wanted us to think they were taking them off planet. But that kind of trip takes time, and they don’t know how much they have. If they’ve been cooking up a Force suppressant, they won’t know how long it works, it’s not like there’s tons of Force sensitive people to test on.”

“Didn’t you once say there used to be more, but they never lasted long?” Finn reminded Ben, then shrugged. “Maybe this is why.”

Ben considered that. “Perhaps. But I just have a feeling they don’t know.”

Finn shook his head. “Again, I cannot do anything with feelings. Better to be patient than blow our lead.”

“Oh, come on!” Ben shouted. “They know we’re here, they’ve known our every move since Poe first landed on this shit-hole.”

“And so we should barrel along blindly and make the same mistakes? Stop thinking like a lover and start thinking like a soldier again.”

Ben went deathly quiet. “I could beat the shit out of you right now.”

“Why? It’s a compliment. And I wouldn’t recommend it. Rey’s worked really hard to earn everyone’s sterling opinion of you." That sarcasm again.

A small rock jumped from the ground at his feet, Ben reached out his right hand to catch it, then he twisted and flung it as far off the cliff face as he could, watching it spin end over end into the green trees below. Finn stood silently and watched it fall. “Feel better?”

“A little.”

“Good. You can think like them. Tell me more about your feeling.”

Ben glanced at Finn. “Are you humoring me?”

“Sure. But maybe we’ll come up with something. Just don’t get pissed at me when I contradict you. I’m just trying to look at it from all angles.”

Ben took a deep breath, and kicked a rock off the edge, gently this time. “Let’s start at the beginning. Have we found anything useful in that base?”

“Nope. Not a thing.”

“Because I don’t think that was a real base. Not one used recently. Black Hole bases are notoriously bare-bones but they always found something: clothes, weapons, personal effects. Right? This one’s been empty for years. It was all a setup.”

Finn nodded. “Could be they were just unusually frugal, or they took it all with them, but I think you’re right. Place had a picked over look to it.”

“Do we know where Poe got the intel that this was a Black Hole base?”

“Yeah, a contact who’d fed us a few bases before. They had all come up good.”

“Did they throw that contact our way, sacrifice a few bases so we’d trust them, then feed us bad information on this base?”

Finn let out a whistle. “If that’s the case, that implies long, careful planning.”

“Yes. But it’s the perfect trap. One entrance, underground. They ambush the pilot and the soldiers left at the entrance first, cut off the escape route. Then attack the rest of the-” he broke off, suddenly remembering a detail about the bodies left behind. “There were two at the front entrance, Mountain and…”

“Copper,” Finn supplied.

“That was the big guy and the one with the copper-colored hair.”

“Yes. And?”

“Then there was the pilot, and four others. Now, we don’t know where the four were because they were moved to the hangar after the fight. But I bet they died in the firefight.”

Finn nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Poe would have kept the forces together as much as possible, other than the two guarding the rear.”

“Did you see that a few of them had small puncture wounds on their arms? The skinny guy and the one with black hair?”

“Gryphon and Spring, I didn’t.”

“I think they flung as many of those darts at Rey as they could, so she couldn’t block them all. They were trying to catch her by surprise. But also, because they didn’t know the dosage and just wanted to hit her with as much of it as they could.”

Finn thought about it, then nodded. “That makes sense. I can do something with that.” He smacked Ben’s shoulder playfully. “Thinking like a soldier now, Solo.”

“Didn’t you call my dad that, too?”

Finn paused, then grinned. “Yeah. He hated it.”

“I hate it, too.”

“I know. That’s why I do it. I’m gonna go talk to HQ, see if they’ve found anything.”

Ben scowled at Finn’s back as he walked back down the hill to the cave entrance. He stood still for a moment, reaching out over the trees for any sense of Rey. When nothing came, he Force-lifted another rock into his hand, then hurled it out over the forest. He heard it hit the ground with a sharp crack. He let out a sigh, then turned to follow Finn back down the hill.

Finn stuck his head out of the ship, grinning. “They’ve got a lead, Grumpy. We’re going to try an old factory in a town two clicks from here.”


	21. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another warning for violence and attempted sexual assault. To avoid the attempted sexual assault, skip ahead to "She stopped at the door" I marked the safe section with **. Then stop reading after ****.
> 
> The very end is safe from ** "At the end of the next hallway..." You can read from there until the end. I'll give a synopsis in the end notes so you can stay current on the plot, if you chose not to read.

Rey could feel herself beginning to surface again, clung to the darkness with all her might, fought against the warm currents that were pulling her out of the deep dark cold up to the light. Just before she surfaced, she thought she heard Ben’s voice, far away, telling her to hang on.

She opened her eyes to the green-eyed man, a stained bandage wrapped around his thumb. He was touching her again, but far away from her face. She jolted as far forward in her restraints as she could, making the green-eyed man jump too, guiltily. He stopped touching her but stood beside her unmoving.

“Get away from me,” Rey hissed.

“But I could make things better for you,” he whispered, resuming his stroking of her thigh.

“The only way you could do that is by cutting your throat. Get away from me!”

“If I leave, he comes back.”

“If this is the only choice I get to make, at least it’s mine. Fuck off.”

He stood and went to the door. His hand was on the door, when Rey realized two things. She could move her right hand slightly in her cuff. He had ended up breaking two, maybe three fingers, she thought; it had gotten fuzzy after the ankle. She thought that with a sharp tug and a lot of pain, she could pull her hand out of the restraints holding her right wrist. At the same time she had this thought, she realized she could still feel the blade in the bottom of her right shoe. Whatever search they had done had not found her hiding place.

“Wait,” she whispered. The man stopped, hand still on the door. “What- what do you want?”

He turned back around, eyes hungrily raking over her body. “You know what I want.”

A few tears fell down her cheek. “Please, I’m in pain. Can you help? I’ll do… I’ll do anything you want.”

The man came to stand above her. He spent a long moment looking down on her. “I don’t want you crying.”

She shook her head, forcing herself to smile. “No, I won’t. I promise. I’ll be however you want me to. I’m just in so much pain. Could you take my shoe off, bind my ankle? Please?”

He stared at her hard, clearly trying to decide if she had some ulterior motive or plot. Rey tried to look pathetic and helpless, which wasn’t very hard, given the circumstances. He nodded, and went to a drawer, and came back with a stretchy bandage. He untied her shoe and removed it, placing it on a metal tray. Rey tried not to stare at the shoe. It was on a rolling trolley just a foot away from her right hand. Without moving a muscle, while the green-eyed man set the broken bone with a snap and started to wrap her ankle, she _reached_ as hard as she could for the shoe. It jerked a millimeter, but Rey saw it move. She let out a breath. The man looked up, so she put a pained expression on her face.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “Can you wrap it a little tighter? It will help with the pain.”

He nodded and unwound the bandage. Rey concentrated on lifting the false bottom of the shoe, working the knife out of the hollowed sole of the shoe, bit by bit. She glanced out of the corner of her eye, and the hilt of the knife was peeking over the top of the shoe.

The man was finished with her ankle. He was rummaging in a drawer for something. Quick as she could, Rey ripped her hand out of the leather binding, ignoring the sudden agony of her fingers, and with thumb and index finger, pulled the knife out of the shoe. She opened the blade with a flick of her wrist, and slashed quickly at the binding holding her left hand. The strap didn’t sever completely, but cut through enough of it that she could tear the rest of it off with a jerk of her hand. She took the blade in her left hand, and when the man turned toward her, she slashed at his throat, left to right, then sunk the blade into his heart with a backstab, putting her right hand to the hilt to drive it as deep as she could. She looked down at his hands. He had been rummaging for a pair of scissors, the blunt kind they keep in a trauma kit to cut away your clothes.

She grabbed the knife from his body before he fell gurgling to the floor. She quickly removed the fastenings from her ankles, which was hard with only one good hand, and two fingers on the other. By the time she freed herself, the green-eyed man was dead. She shoved her foot back into the shoe, suppressing a yelp of pain as she did. Her first instinct was to run, but she decided to grab some medical supplies first. A trauma kit was open on the counter. She pitched the contents haphazardly into a cloth bag stuffed with linens. She opened a few cabinets until she found kolto packs and pain killers, and threw those into the bags as well. Lastly, she found some splints, and took those with her.

**She stopped at the door to try and find out if someone was in the hallway. She sensed no one, but couldn’t tell if that was because the hallway really was empty or if she had not recovered her full Force powers yet. Deciding this was not the time to become squeamish, and she couldn’t just wait here, she opened the door a crack. The hallways looked empty. She slipped out of the door and walked as quickly as she could hobble down the corridor. Suddenly, she sensed someone up ahead, around the corner. She couldn’t tell much about them, just a feeling it was a man. Relieved that her senses were returning to her, she ducked down a side passage and hid in a doorway until they passed.

She set off again, deciding to get as far away from the torture chamber as she could and then hide until she could think of a better plan. Five hallways away, where the life signs were getting more and more scattered, she found what appeared to be a broom cupboard. After ensuring the room was empty, she locked the door with a rudimentary bolt lock, then barricaded the door with a few broken chairs. She sat down and hastily began sorting through the contents of her grab bag of medical gear.

She took the pain killers right away, which didn’t kill the pain so much as deaden it. She looked at her fingers, which made her slightly nauseous, and decided the best thing to do would be to wrap them up nice and tight until she could find someone to set the broken bones. She laid two splints on either side of the three fingers, middle to smallest, and then put a larger splint beneath the fingers, leading all the way down the right side of the palm. It took some balancing and a little Force power, but she was finally able to wrap the fingers and hands so that she could move her hand without jarring the fingers too badly. She decided not to inject the kolto yet, just in case it started to heal her bones before they were set. But she would keep them in case she found some of the others, they might be in even worse shape than her.

She wished desperately she had some kind of food. She dimly remembered being given some water, but that must have been hours ago. Still, she knew she couldn’t stay here, no matter how appealing that idea was. She had to keep moving, had to try to find and free the rest of the Squad. And she also hoped she would get to find and murder that stinking old man, the laughing one.

With these sparse gleams of hope lighting her way, she stood up with new determination, as best she could on her bad ankle. What she needed now was a staff. She could fight with a staff almost as easily with one hand as two, and with her hand wrapped up, she would still be able to grip it with two fingers, and use the braced hand to push. She would also be able to use a staff to lean on. The painkillers that were numbing her ankle wouldn’t hold out forever, and even wrapped up, it still wouldn’t take her weight.

She looked over the contents of the cupboard, and decided on a broom that looked like it might have been made to clean high ceilings. It was almost two and a half meters tall, which was too long for her. She took off about half a meter by sitting down on a chair, and kicking with her left foot as hard as she could half a meter down the length of the pole. It took her a few tries to break it. When she did, she had a nice pointy end that would work as a lance, should she need it.

She repacked the contents of the fabric bag, and slung it over one shoulder. She went ahead and injected herself with another dose of painkiller, plus a stim pack she hadn’t noticed the first time. A wave of adrenaline washed over her. She closed the knife and tucked it into the waistband of her pants.

She thought she was ready to go when she sensed someone in the hallway. They stopped outside the door to the cupboard and started to try to open the door. Rey panicked. It might have just been the mix of drugs in her system, and the severe lack of food and real rest, but she suddenly felt this intruder was going to completely give her away. She cleared the chairs from the door and slid the lock open with the sharp end of the make-shift staff.****

The door opened and Rey thrust the lance forward before she had time to see who it was. She dropped the staff as she looked into the frightened eyes of a ten-year-old boy, clutching his throat where the pointy end of the staff had penetrated. Rey covered her mouth in horror as blood shot out of the wound. She grabbed a cloth from the bag and tried to apply pressure, but he was dead within minutes. A kolto was just as useless.

“I’m sorry,” she moaned. “I didn’t mean to-”

Voices came from the end of the corridor. Rey rubbed the tears away from her eyes, leaving blood streaks on both cheeks.

“Get a grip, get a grip, Rey!” she told herself, standing as carefully as she could. “You didn’t mean to. You’re not going to fall to pieces now.”

She peeked around the door. Two men were approaching, having heard the struggle. Rey knew they would find her in minutes. She slid out from behind the door, swept the first one by the legs with the staff, stabbed the other one through the throat with the sharp point, then dispatched the fallen man in the same way. She decided she preferred the stabbing; although it was hard on her hand, it seemed to be the quickest way to kill.

She steadied herself, making sure they were really dead. She checked for a blaster, but neither one seemed to possess one. She kept moving. She heard a cry come from up ahead, from where she had been kept. They must have discovered she was missing, she decided. She met another assailant, but she was starting to weaken. Her leg sweep only knocked him off balance, it didn’t knock him down, and when she went to stab with the broken end of her staff, she missed and broke the point off. She tried to crack him over the head with the blunt end, but her stroke was weak, he was shaken, but not incapacitated. He kicked at her bad ankle, which drove her down to her knees. Quickly, she grabbed the knife, flicked it open, and sliced at his quads. Without the tendon to hold him up, he fell to the ground, and Rey quickly cut his throat.

**At the end of the next hallway, she sensed another presence. She let out an involuntary sob, at her exhaustion, at having to kill so brutally when she had hardly ever had to take a life face-to-face before, at the pain in her bones and in her soul. Then she stood, and lifted the staff, tucking the knife into her splint so it poked out of the bandage on her right hand. She went to the very end of the hall, raised the staff, and as she sensed the man walk around the corner, she stepped into his view, let out a blood-curdling scream, and swung the staff as hard as she could at his head.

The staff stopped two inches from his face, though not by her will. She dropped the staff and burst into tears, falling straight into Ben’s arms. He held her as she sobbed, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head.

“You’re safe. You’re safe,” he murmured into her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you chose not to read, here's what happened. Rey awakes to nasty pervy guy kind of feeling her up, above the clothes. She realizes she still has Ben's knife in her shoe, she might be able to pull her hand out of the restraint, and she has recovered a little Force power. She convinces McNasty to take off her shoe to re-warp her ankle, and while he's distracted by his own perviness, she retrieves her knife and kilsl him. Good riddance.
> 
> She escapes the room, makes her way to a broom closet, binds her broken fingers, and improvises a staff weapon from a broom. She leaves the closet to try to find the rest of the Squad. She kills four people, and begins to weaken. Luckily for her, Ben and Finn's Troopers have stormed the base, and she is rescued.
> 
> This should be the last occurrence of violence. In a few chapters, Rey is going to he-hash what happened in this chapter with Ben, to kind of work through it, but I will put a warning in the notes before the chapter and tell you where in the chapter that is so you can avoid it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you like it!


	22. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, one last content warning for physical violence. If you don't want to read Ben maybe get a little rough with the guy that tortured Rey, stop reading when you get to "do you specifically know anything about that old man in red?" and start reading again at "Ben let the man collapse to the floor".
> 
> Personally, I think Ben showed a lot of restraint, but I understand if you don't want to read about that. Hope you enjoy!

Ben clutched Rey to his chest, aching at the sight of her in pain. A small corner of his mind was awed and proud at the grit and determination she had shown. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would have had the guts to take on a fortress of men twice his size without his Force powers or a real weapon, injured.

He pulled back from her slightly to examine her condition. He could tell something was wrong with her ankle by the way she was favoring it, not letting any of her weight on it. She was covered in blood, but he assumed it wasn’t hers. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head back until she was looking at him. He gently touched the black and blue bruise under her eye. She didn’t flinch.

A slow, simmering rage was boiling up inside him. In the old days, he would have taken a saber to anyone or anything in his path, lashing out until his bones ached, anything to kill the pain burning away at his soul. Ben scraped together all the restraint he had.

“Who did this?” His voice betrayed him, husky and strained.

Rey continued to meet his gaze steadily. “I slit his throat.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile. “Good for you. And the ankle, and your hand?”

He lifted up the bandaged hand, pulled the little pocket knife from the end of her splints, folded it, and put it in his pocket. “This didn’t happen to you while you were fighting, like the blood. Someone did this to you deliberately.”

“I haven’t found him yet. I don’t know his name. He was old, bald, he had a strange accent and spoke a language my chip couldn’t translate. He wore a red tunic.”

She faltered then, and Ben caught her. “Is this blood yours?”

She shook her head. “No, it belonged to a few others.”

“Is it ok if I carry you to the medics?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m so glad you’re here.” She started to sob again, quietly.

Ben secured her left arm around his neck, and picked her up, supporting her back with his right arm, her legs with his left, her head resting on his shoulder. Her crying subsided as he began to walk quickly through the corridors.

“You know your way so well. I was so lost,” Rey observed.

“We got to look at a floor plan before we came.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me, Finn, his troopers.”

“Have they found the others, Poe and Strawberry and the rest?”

“Yes, they were in a holding cell. They’re all ok. A little roughed up and hungry.”

Rey smiled. “I know the feeling. I could eat an entire nerf.”

Ben chuckled. He heard Rey sigh softly, but he couldn’t sense her thoughts. He looked down at her, her eyes were closed.

“Are you in pain? Can I help?”

“No, I was just thinking that this is all very romantic, but I’m sure you wouldn’t kiss me right now, since I’m covered in blood.”

He smiled. “Is this romantic?”

“Kind of. You rescued me and you’re carrying me. Since I’m in love with you, that makes it romantic, I think.”

He stopped walking for a moment, bent his head and kissed her sweetly on her lips and then pressed his lips to a clean spot on her forehead. “I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you. I have to be honest, part of me wants to tear down this building and murder everyone in it for what they did to you.”

“Don’t worry, I feel the same way. That doesn’t make you a bad person, Ben. But we’re not going to follow that instinct, and that’s what makes us good people.”

He smiled, kissing her again. “You’re a good teacher.”

He started walking again, and soon they met the others at a large courtyard. The Troopers cheered when they saw Rey, and she smiled at them and tried to put on a brave face for them. She answered all questions about her condition claiming she was fine, really, just a bad ankle. Medics came rushing over rolling an examination table. Ben lay her on the table, and they began to check her over. Before they could roll her away to a hastily erected medical bay, Rey grabbed Ben’s sleeve. Her face was pale, and she was pointing across the courtyard.

Following her gaze, Ben saw Scarlet Order personnel lined up against a wall, armed Troopers guarding them, hands bound. Ben saw an older bald man wearing a red tunic.

“That’s him,” Rey said. “He’s the one who tortured me. I think he might have my lightsaber, too.” She looked up at Ben, and he could sense the pain and panic she was keeping at bay. “He never even asked me any questions.”

“I’m sure someone will find your saber, it’s here somewhere. We should get you back home.”

“No, I won’t leave without it! Leia gave it to me; I can’t lose it again.” Her voice had a frantic pitch to it.

“Ok, I’ll find it, don’t worry. We won’t leave without it.”

The medics wheeled her away and Ben went to talk to Finn, who was standing near the prisoners. He was keeping his wrath under control, just barely.

“What are we doing with the prisoners, and do you specifically know anything about that old man in red?”

***Ben caught a flash of thought from the man, and shot his hand out. The man started to sputter and cough, as Ben threw him against the wall and up several feet. With a loud crack, one of the man’s teeth shot out of his mouth and across the courtyard to hover over Ben’s hand.

“Does anyone want to examine the poison capsule in this false tooth? He was just about to crack it open.”

Finn waved for a medic, who came by and held open a small specimen bag. Ben let the tooth drop into the bag, and then the medic hurried away, an awed, but not entirely disapproving look on her face.

“We think he was one of the ones in charge here. HQ has said they want them for questioning.”

“Fine. I won’t kill him then.”

Ben stalked over to the man. The other prisoners shifted away uneasily, and Ben let them move aside for him. The old man eyed him nervously as he approached.

“Name,” Ben demanded, his right hand held up in front of him, hand slightly cupped.

The old man stared back at him defiantly. Ben turned to the prisoner immediately to his left, left hand up threateningly. “What’s his name?”

The prisoner jumped, although Ben hadn’t done anything more than compel him with the Force to talk. “Andu Bette.”

Ben lowered his left hand and turned back to Andu. “I heard you like torture, Andu. I’ve come to see how you like it from the other side. I think you’ll find it helps if you ask questions. Tell me where the lightsaber is.”

Andu maintained a stoic silence. Ben tightened his grip on the old man’s windpipe. “Where – is it? I don’t have time to search for it. I could pull the information from that rusted grease trap you call a brain, but I don’t like digging through sludge. Tell me where it is or you’ll lose something you really care about.”

“Maybe I got rid of it,” Andu managed to choke out.

“And maybe you don’t need your testicles.” Ben held up his left hand and squeezed, with a twisting motion. Andu cried out in pain, and a sympathetic gasp of shock went through the wave of prisoners.

“That corridor, take a left, then a right. We put all of the prisoner’s things in the third room on the right.”**

Ben let the man collapse to the floor, and took the corridor he had pointed to, taking a left, then a right turn. When he came to the first door, however, he felt a wave of pain and terror wafting from inside that room, a psychic leftover that had a very familiar scent. He opened the door and found a room with a table, four leather straps hanging from it, and on the floor, a man covered in blood. He stood in the doorway for a minute, letting the echo of her tears and screams of pain wash over him, fueling the fire of his rage. Then he let the pain go, let the rage vent away, like taking the lid off of a pot of boiling water. The rage was still there, but he wasn’t going to let it control him. He shut the door and continued onto the third room.

There were a number of blasters here, med packs, and helmets. Ben found Rey’s weapon belt quickly, with both her blaster and Luke’s lightsaber still holstered there. He took it and quickly made his way back to the courtyard. He found Rey in the medic’s area, and the medic confirmed that Rey’s condition was stable, but she should be taken back to proper medical facilities to have her bones set. Ben handed Rey her belt, and told her he would get them on the next transport. Rey clutched the belt to her chest, and gave him a faint smile before closing her eyes to rest.

Ben found Finn again, relayed the report that Rey needed to get back to Ardone as soon as possible.

Finn nodded. “I’ve already got a ship waiting for you outside.”

Ben thanked him, then hesitated. “I know I wasn’t supposed to treat a prisoner like that. In my defense, he tortured Rey.”

Finn smiled. “Don’t worry, Solo. I did a quick survey of the Troopers, and no one saw a thing. Take care of her.”

Ben nodded, and returned to Rey. The medics wheeled her out of the building, to a ship waiting just outside. They wheeled her up the ramp on the rolling bed, but Ben lifted her and settled her onto a bunk while the medics returned with the gurney to the building. The ship prepared for takeoff as Ben sat next to Rey on a small stool. She took his hand and smiled.

“I dreamed about you, and the day at the beach.”

She spoke so quietly he had to lean over to hear. “I dreamed we were on the beach, in the water, when I got hit by that rogue wave, remember? And then it was like a nightmare, the seaweed and this terrible person who looked by you but also looked the man I killed, he was dragging me down into the water. And when I got free and swam to the surface, I woke up. Then, after the other man hurt me, I was trying to go back in the ocean, I wanted to join you under the water, because I didn’t want to wake up.”

Ben stroked her hair. “Well, that’s understandable.”

“Sorry, I think I’m not making sense. They gave me something to calm me down.”

“You can tell me whatever you want, I don’t mind.” He stroked her cheek. “I thought about you a lot, too.”


	23. Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, Rey is going to discuss her experience with Ben. If you don’t want to read, skip ahead where it says, “she spoke in the general vicinity of his collarbone.” You can start reading again at “Ben leaned over and kissed her gently”
> 
> Trigger warning for r*pe mention

Rey dozed lightly as Ben pushed her chair away from the medical bay toward the living quarters. She surprised him when she asked where they were going.

“We passed our rooms,” she remarked evenly.

“I thought you were asleep,” he said. “I asked them for smaller quarters. We don’t need all those extra rooms, and they need all the space they can get right now. The first full session of the new Republic will begin any day now. Besides, I thought you could use the quiet. The doctors said you need to rest.”

The new quarters were only a little farther away, about fifteen meters down from their old rooms. Ben opened the door with his palmprint, to reveal a similar sitting room, but with only one sofa and two armchairs. A fire was crackling away in the small fireplace, making the room warm and cheerful. A small table for four to dine at stood beyond the little sitting area, and beside that, adjacent to the sitting area, but separated by a long counter, was a little room with cabinets, electric devices, and a sink for water.

“Are you still hungry?” Someone had laid the table with a tureen of soup and fresh bread.

“Famished! Let me just wash my hands.”

Ben helped her to the sink, but she sat for a second looking around her, seemingly puzzled. “What is this room? The other quarters didn’t have one, did they?”

He smiled. “It’s a kitchen.”

“What’s that?”

He laughed, then realized she was serious. “Oh. It’s for preparing food. There’s an oven, electric coils for cooking in a pan, there is a pressure cooker, uses pressure to cook food very quickly. You’ve never seen a kitchen before?”

“I had a little stove on Jakku for cooking that I made for myself, but mostly I ate instant bread.”

Ben helped her to stand, then, and wash her face and hands in the sink, drying them with a dish towel. When she was wheeled up to the table, and he was seated next to her, ladling them both portions of the creamy soup full of vegetables, grains, and hunks of meat, he asked as he blew on a spoonful of soup, “What’s instant bread?”

Rey swallowed a bit of the real bread. “Well, it’s nowhere near as good as this bread.” Ben poured them glasses of some kind of amber-colored liquid, some kind of fruit juice.

“As a scavenger, I worked for a… creature,” she finally decided on an identifier, “named Unkar Plutt. I climbed through wrecked ships, mostly Imperial, and scrounged whatever I could find of value. I traded these to Unkar for food, in the form of packets of powder. You mixed them with water, and they kind of puffed up into a bread-like substance. They tasted terrible, but they were filling enough.”

She bolted down a few spoonfuls of soup, followed by gulps of the juice. Ben tried some himself, and found it was citrusy and a little sour, but crisp and cool and delicious. “That’s all you had to eat?” Ben asked after she swallowed another mouthful of bread.

“I grew some plants, too. Greens, mostly. And we were given vitamin pills every day, too. If I ever got really hungry, I could always hunt. Womp rats taste all right with a bit of seasoning.”

Ben must have made a face, because Rey laughed. “I bet you grew up in the lap of luxury, servants, four-course meals every day.”

Ben shook his head. “I certainly had a more luxurious life than you, but if you think Leia Organa raised a spoiled child, you are mistaken. We lived in a pretty normal flat, not much bigger than this. She cooked most nights, although I cooked a lot too, when I was old enough. We had a part-time nanny, but she never pampered me. She mostly took me to school, picked me up after if Mother couldn’t make it, stayed with me at home until Mother came home.”

“What about Han?”

Ben tried to remember his father ever cooking a meal or picking him up from school. He shook his head. “No, he wasn’t home much, not that I remember. I think it was already starting to get rocky by the time I was born. And then I was sent to Luke.”

“What was that like?”

“Wow, you weren’t kidding about being able to eat a whole nerf,” he laughed as Rey finished off another bowl of soup. “Did you get that saying from my mother, by the way?”

She nodded. “I never knew what a nerf was, but it kind of stuck.” Rey paused, lowered her spoon. “I miss her.”

Ben was surprised to see tears glinting in her eyes. He reached over and patted her shoulder reassuringly. “Me too. Come on, we should get you to bed. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a proper sleep.” He stood and took their dishes to the sink, rinsing them off quickly.

“How long has it been?” Rey asked, wrapping up the bread in a piece of cloth.

“You left yesterday morning, so you missed one night, and most of today.” He came back to the table to retrieve their glasses. Rey was staring down at her clothes.

“I’m literally covered in blood. Will you help me wash up?”

Ben almost knocked over his glass of juice. “I- maybe I should call someone, a nurse or something?”

Rey smirked. “I thought you didn’t need servants?”

“I don’t, I just-” he stammered.

“Please, I want you to do it. I don’t want some stranger.”

Ben frowned, then reached over and turned off the warmer under the soup tureen. He asked if he could push her chair for her. Rey nodded, and they entered the bedroom nearest to the dining table. Like her previous bedroom, it had several floor-to-ceiling windows. He touched the controls by the door, and the windows frosted over.

He pushed her through into the washroom, then locked the wheels of her chair so it wouldn’t move. He walked to the front of the chair and knelt in front of her. With nimble fingers, he began to untie the laces of her left boot. He eased the shoe from her foot and pulled off her sock. Even that had blood stains on it.

He considered the rest of her clothes. As close-fitting as they were, it would be hard to try to pull them over the casts protecting her right hand and foot, plus they were terribly stained.

“Do you mind if I cut your clothes off? Easier than trying to get them off.”

She nodded. “I doubt they could ever really be cleaned, anyway.”

Ben pulled out the little knife he had given Rey and flipped it open. Starting at her right ankle, he slid the knife point under the pant leg and carefully drew it upward. He kept one hand between the knife and her skin to make sure he didn’t accidentally nick her with the point.

“Keep still,” he warned her. He straightened her leg, resting her calf on his knee. He took care not to cut through her undergarments when he reached her hip. Then he moved to her left leg and completed the same procedure. He helped her to stand for a moment, holding onto Ben’s shoulder as he removed the remnants of her pants and tossed them to the side.

He performed a similar procedure with her shirt, cutting up the side and making a small incision to split the small sleeve. Once the right side was cut, it was easy to slip the shirt over her head and off her left arm. He was surprised by how much blood had soaked through to her skin. She wore an undershirt that covered her breasts, but above and below, her skin was stained red.

“I should cut this, too?” he gestured.

“Ben Solo, are you blushing?” she asked, an amused expression on her face.

“I think you’re enjoying my discomfort,” he replied with a smile. He slid the knife under the band at the bottom of the undershirt, and cut the stretchy material. She removed the rest the way she had the shirt, over her head and off her left arm.

“I’ll let you do the rest,” he said, motioning to her pelvis. He turned to start the water for the shower. Someone had placed a bench in the shower, and Ben lifted Rey, once she had cut away her lower undergarments. Ben tried to both lift her and carefully avert his gaze at the same time, and laid her on the bench, propping her foot up on a rail on the shower wall to keep her ankle dry. Her right arm he arranged on another rail to her right.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked, testing the water streaming from a flexible hose. He adjusted a dial to make the water a little warmer.

“Would you mind sitting behind me? It’s hard to sit up like this.”

He nodded and sat behind her, straddling the bench. Rey leaned back against his chest. He was blushing furiously now, but at least her back was to him so she couldn’t see his face. He moved the nozzle so the water was falling on her, and she adjusted it so the water fell on the worst of the blood stains on her chest.

“You know, it’s not as if you haven’t seen me naked before,” Rey pointed out as she grabbed a washcloth and began scrubbing at the dried blood. “Can you get me some soap?”

He reached out his hand and a bottle of the flowery kind she like flew into his fingers. He uncapped it and poured some onto her washcloth.

“Was that the first time?” she asked, resuming her scrubbing. The bottom of the shower had turned quite red.

“Of course! I don’t spy on you.” He realized he sounded resentful and offended. He regretted sounding so harsh, but he was a little annoyed at the implication that he was some kind of pervert, ogling her when she changed clothes or something.

She half-smiled as she rinsed out the washcloth. “No, I know you don’t. I meant the first time…” her voice trailed off.

He laughed, a short bark-like noise. “Oh no, it wasn’t my first time having sex.” Then more seriously, and maybe a little anxiously, “Is that what you thought, that I was a 30-year old virgin?”

“No, I was just teasing you to distract you from the awkward situation.”

“Oh, ok. ‘Cause it wasn’t!”

“Mm hmm. Can you wash my hair?”

“Lean your head back.” Rey obeyed, letting her head rest on his shoulder, looking up at him mischievously as he reached out again, the little bottle of hair soap floating across to his hand.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed, then adjusting the jet of water so that it streamed down on her hair, avoiding splashing her face. He gently combed through her hair with his fingers, making sure all of her hair was wet.

He then pushed the nozzle away, poured some of the soap into his hand, and began to lather her hair, fingers massaging the scalp around her temple and ears, then back to her neck before circling up the crown of her head to her forehead. He rinsed her hair then, his fingers continuing to circle to ensure all the soap was rinsed out.

“How’s that? Clean enough?”

Rey smiled and nodded. “Thank you. That was very relaxing.”

Ben smiled as he turned off the water and used the Force to pull two towels across the room to him. He laid one towel across Rey’s torso, then used the second one to start drying her hair.

“I have to admit, it’s the first time I’ve done this.”

Rey laughed as Ben stood, wrapping the large towel under her, as well as across her lap and chest. He lifted her, right arm under her back, left arm supporting her legs, as she held onto his shoulder and the towel around her head.

He carried her carefully to the bathroom counter, and set her down, ankle still propped up. He took the towel from her hair and used it to dry her shoulders and legs. Then he picked up a contraption from a hook on the wall, a kind of half-circle with dozens of tiny holes poked in it. He held it over Rey’s head and pressed a button on the side.

Instantly, air rushed out of the tiny holes, making Rey jump, then laugh at her own reaction. Ben slowly passed the device over her hair, and it was dry within minutes. Rey looked down at Ben’s shirt, and touched the damp fabric.

“You’re soaked,” she smiled.

“It’s ok. I was going to take a shower next.”

“Go ahead. I need to use the privy anyway.” She pointed to the small door by the shower.

“You can get back to bed after?”

“I think so. Just push the chair up to the door and come back to check on me when you’re done.”

Ben helped her to the toilet. She was able to step in and shut the door, and Ben pushed the chair up against the door, locking the wheels, so she could turn and sit down when she was done.

He went to his own room, quickly pulling off his clothes. He showered briskly, reaching out to Rey as he washed his hair. She was standing to get into bed, a robe wrapped around her small frame.

Ben was just about to break the link as he rinsed out his hair, when she turned and saw him, letting out a slow whistle as her gaze raked over his body.

“Rey!” he laughed. “You’re gawking.”

“It’s reciprocity. You got to see me naked. Besides, you opened the link with me. But I’ll avert my gaze, for your modesty’s sake.”

Ben smiled. “You have my permission to look all you like. I was just checking to see if you’re ok.” He shut off the water.

Rey sank onto the bed, staring openly now. When her head tilted to one side as she stared at his pelvis area, he started to blush. Rey noticed and looked away as he began to towel off.

“Sorry. I’d never seen one before, and this is my first real look at one. It’s kind of nice-looking, though.”

Ben smiled as he toweled off his hair. “I’m glad you like it. I should say good night, though.”

“No, please don’t! I don’t want to be alone.”

Ben looked up, surprised. Rey suddenly looked very young and frightened. “Of course. I’ll get dressed and be right over.”

Rey nodded and Ben cut off the link. He dried quickly and pulled on a pair of loose sleeping pants and a short-sleeved shirt of soft cotton. He turned off the lights in his room, checked on the fire in the sitting room, which had burned down to coals, then entered Rey’s bedroom.

She was still sitting on the bed, hugging her left leg to her chest, making her look even younger. Ben fell to his knees in front of her, drawing her into an embrace, both arms wrapped around her tightly, her head on his shoulder.

“It just keeps hitting me in waves. One moment I’m happy with you, and then I remember-” She trailed off.

He pulled away a little so he could look at her. “You can tell me anything, do you know that? You don’t _have_ to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I’ll listen to anything you want to say and I won’t interrupt or fly off the handle. I just want you to know you’re safe.”

Rey nodded, her forehead crinkling between her brows. When she did start to speak, her words and gaze seemed to be directed at the general vicinity of his collarbone.

“I was almost raped in that interrogation room. I didn’t realize it fully, at first, but it’s occurred to me little by little ever since.”

She looked him in the eyes, and her gaze was resolute, but fragile. “Yes?” she asked.

“I said I wasn’t going to interrupt.”

“You’re not. You can ask questions.”

Ben stood up and sat next to her on the bed. Rey leaned over and nestled into his side, with Ben’s arm around her shoulder. “Was it the man you pointed out in the courtyard?”

“No. It was the one I killed.”

A wave of relief washed over Ben and he closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening. He didn’t know if he had the strength to continue living in a galaxy where a man who had attempted to rape Rey was alive, even in prison. Now he wouldn’t have to break his promise.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She started slowly, and with some starts and stops. She told him about storming the underground base, getting ambushed, the darts, most of which Ben had guessed. She told him about being electrocuted and sedated.

“The man who drugged me was the one I killed. Then I had the dream about the ocean, being dragged under the waves. I woke up, and the man who tortured me, what was his name?”

“Andu.”

“He was talking to the one I killed, let’s just call him Toad.”

Ben chuckled.

“They were speaking a language I couldn’t understand. They said I woke up sooner than expected. Toad injected me again, with whatever they were using to suppress my powers. Then he touched my cheek, and the way he was looking at me was unsettling. He said if I was good to him, he would be good to me. So I bit him.”

Ben laughed in spite of himself, and Rey joined him.

“Where did you bite him?”

She turned toward him, picked up his right hand, and laid it on her left cheek. Then she turned her head to bite his hand, although she only nipped at Ben.

“Much harder though. I made him bleed and Andu laughed at him. I was pretty proud of that.” She paused thoughtfully, then looked up at Ben and smiled. “Would you get me a nightgown,” she pointed to her closet.

He got up and brought her one, sleeveless, with pretty lace around the neck. He looked away tactfully as she took off the robe and slipped the gown over her head.

Once she was dressed, she pulled back the covers and slid into bed. She patted the bed next to her and Ben got in as well, from the other side. He dimmed the lights, and Rey lay next to him, her head on his shoulder, looking up at the ceiling as she continued.

“Then Andu kicked the Toad out. He broke my little finger first. I told him that he hadn’t even told me what he wanted to know. He said it didn’t matter because he couldn’t trust anything I said, anyway. So he broke my ankle. I think I lost consciousness then, because I don’t remember him breaking my other two fingers. I remember dreaming about the ocean again, but this time I was trying to sink.”

She sighed. “When I woke up, the Toad was back, touching me between my legs, telling me again that he could make it stop, that if I gave in, he would keep Andu from coming back. I doubt that was true. It would have just delayed it. I told him to leave, but then I realized the knife was still in my shoe, and that a tiny part of my Force had returned.”

She held up her hand as a small pot of lotion slid across the room to her. When she tried to move her chair, it remained motionless.

“It feels a little like a well of water that takes days to fill. Every hour or so, I got a milliliter more water in the well, but if I drink it all dry, then it just takes that much longer for it to fill up again. Even lifting this tiny jar was out of my power, then. It felt like I had enough for something very, very small. So I told him I changed my mind.”

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “That was the worst, the hardest, actually pretending that I would let him touch me.” She shuddered.

“He was a soulless slug. You were just doing what you had to, to survive.”

“Slug. I like that. So I convinced the Slug I would do whatever he wanted if he first took off my shoe and set my ankle. He set my boot right next to me, just within my reach. While he set the bone and wrapped my ankle, I used the little Force I had to pull the knife out of the false bottom. It was sitting there, just peeking out of the top, but I had to reach out and grab it. I had drunk all my water.”

She paused to reflect. “Slug turned around and started rummaging in a drawer, so I yanked my right hand out of the restraint. Those three broken fingers gave me just enough leeway, although it hurt worse than the breaking did. I grabbed the knife, cut my left hand free while he was turned around, because I knew my right was basically useless. When he turned around, I slashed his throat, and stabbed him in the heart.”

She looked up at him. “He was holding a pair of scissors, the kind they use to cut away your clothes, in a trauma room. I didn’t let myself think about it then, I just put on my boot, grabbed as many medical supplies as I could carry, and ran, well, limped away as fast as I could.”

“What happened then?”

“I found a broom cupboard, wrapped up my hand, gave myself some painkillers and a stim, broke a broom into that staff. It originally had a sharp point. Oh, and I killed a little boy coming out of the closet.” She gulped back a sob. “I didn’t know it was a child, all I could sense was that someone was on the other side of the door. I flung it open and stabbed with the staff. Caught him right in the neck. Most of the blood was his. I tried to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing I could do. So I kept moving. Killed two men, adults, thankfully. Then one more. I almost didn’t make it through that one. I broke my staff, had to finish him with the knife.”

She smiled ruefully. “Then I thought I would have to fight one more. But it was you. I’d never been so grateful to see someone in my whole life.” She turned to look up at him. “That’s it, that’s my whole tale.”

Ben leaned over and kissed her gently. “It’s an amazing story. Thank you for telling me.”

Rey turned onto her left side, nestling into her pillows. She reached behind her with her right arm, pulled Ben’s hand around her waist, and he followed, turning to face her back, surrounding her body with his arm and back and legs. Ben felt such a strong wave of contentment and peace.

“Thank you for listening. I know it can’t have been easy. But I feel like I’ve dropped a heavy burden. I don’t have to carry it anymore.”

Ben _reached_ out and flicked off the lights. Rey’s breathing slowed, and she was asleep within minutes. Ben held her, feeling like sleep was the farthest thing from his mind. For now, he was content to listen to her breathing, hold her so she knew she was safe, and sense her dreams. He would be there for her if any nightmares surfaced.


	24. Fumblings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some off-color language and sexual content ahead.

When Rey woke up in the morning, it was to an unfamiliar experience with a familiar person. It had been a very long time since she last slept in a bed with another person, almost ten years, and the comfortable intimacy of the situation filled her with a warm, welcome languor. Ben was curled up behind her, and although she remembered he had changed positions during the night, he seemed to have come back sometime in the early morning to curl up around her once more. He was so tall, that every part of her from her toes to the very top of her head seemed to be in contact with some part of his body. She curled into herself with glee, clutching to her chest the pillow she always hugged at night when she slept. She made a soft mew of comfort and happiness, half wordless moan, half sigh of contentment. She pulled the arm around her waist up to her chest, wedging his hand between the pillow and her sternum, nestled in between her breasts.

“Um, Rey?” Ben murmured in her ear.

“Hmm? I didn’t know you were awake,” she yawned, eyes still shut, her mind still half-asleep. They fluttered open as she felt something hard pressing into her bottom. She giggled. “Every part of you is awake, I see.”

“Sorry,” he started to pull away, but Rey yanked him back.

“Don’t be sorry. I feel the same.”

“You have an erection?” he laughed, lifting her hair away to kiss her neck.

“No,” she smiled and moaned softly at the feel of his lips. “Let’s just say I’m not immune to your charms, shall we?”

Ben stopped, lifted his head away from her neck and started to pull away from her again. “I shouldn’t-”

Rey held onto his hand, keeping him from getting up. “You should.”

“You’re in no condition for this, and you had a very traumatic day yesterday.”

“Yes, I did. And I’m tired of living my life afraid. I won’t live like that anymore. From now on, I’ll do what I want, when I want.” She pulled up the front of her nightgown, and pulled his hand to rest between her legs. “And right now I want you.”

Rey arched her back, pressing Ben’s hand into her pelvis, while bucking her hips back against his groin in a way that made Ben gasp at the friction she caused. His fingers slipped in between her folds, brushing against the most sensitive area. It was Rey’s turn to gasp with pleasure.

Ben began to massage her, fingers wet with her excitement, sliding inside her shell, another novel experience for Rey. She had done this to herself many times, but to have someone else’s fingers stimulating her there, was on its own a pleasurable sensation.

“I haven’t done this much,” Ben whispered in her ear. “Is this ok?”

Rey moaned, her right hand falling to rest on Ben’s thigh. “It’s wonderful, don’t stop.” She pulled his right leg over hers, spreading her legs slightly and turning to lay on her back. Ben hooked his calf around her thigh, and burrowed his left arm under Rey’s back, pulling her close to him, while his right fingers never stopped their rhythm. He bent his head down to catch her lips on his, kissing her deeply, his left arm crooked around her head, stroking her hair.

Rey was panting against his mouth by the time Ben pushed two fingers inside her. Rey gasped, arching her back, pushing against his hand. His fingers slid in and out of her, his thumb flicking over her mound. Rey grabbed his hand with her left, guiding him to the perfect position, grinding against his fingers. She cried his name as she peaked, head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, gasping for breath as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her.

Ben nuzzled her neck, kissing gently behind her ear. Rey giggled softly, slowly un-spooling from the tension that had her coiled like a spring. She turned to kiss Ben, turning on her side and hooking her left leg over his legs, pulling his hips into hers. She could feel his bulge pressing into her, and he gasped at her movement.

Ben pulled away from her lips. “I think we should slow down.”

Rey gasped against his neck, “Why? I want you.”

“I want you too,” he groaned as Rey nipped at his neck. “But when the casts are off.” He put a hand on Rey’s cheek to stop her, looking deeply into her eyes. “I want to know you’re healed first, inside and out.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile, he was so soft and sweet with her. As much as he growled at other people, he was all purrs when it was just the two of them.

“Well, I feel bad that you’re all wound up. Do you have a way to take care of that?” she asked, drawing her hand over his bulge.

“Yes, I can see to it.”

“Will you let me watch?” she asked.

His mouth curved into a smirk, and Rey grinned, tracing her thumb across his lips.

“I’m trying not to be shocked. I forget, you’re not such a good girl,” he rumbled, opening his lips and nibbling at her thumb. And Rey had thought she couldn’t possibly get any wetter.

Rey pulled her thumb back, and hitched up the front of his shirt, running her hand down his stomach. She untied the top of his pants and reached into the waistband, letting her hand surround his erect member. Ben exhaled softly, and reached down to lower the top of his pants, leaving his sensitive parts completely open to her view. She let her eyes wander over his organ, the height and girth of him, the soft skin, the stiff firmness like velvety marble. Her hand wandered too, from the thick base to the round tip, lightly tracing over the soft skin beneath the tip, causing Ben to gasp.

Rey grinned. “Do you like that?”

Ben grinned back. “I do. It’s like the most alluring torment, though. Your touch is so light, it’s like being tickled.”

“Well, show me what you do.”

He kissed her sweetly. “I need something wet, first.” Then he ran his whole hand over her entrance, collecting her fluids and using them to lubricate himself. Rey watched, fascinated, as he began to pump his hand up and down, sometimes fast, sometimes slower. He kissed her at first, deep, passionate kisses that Rey felt in every part of her body, but then he stopped and just looked at her, breath coming quicker and quicker. Rey couldn’t help looking at his hand, rubbing himself furiously, the tip now red and swollen. With a gasp, Ben shuddered and gave a few final strokes, then ropes of creamy white liquid shot out of the tip, falling on her stomach and thighs. Ben panted and his member quivered, slowly beginning to lose its stiff posture.

“Here, let me clean you up.” He sat up slightly and pulled off his shirt, using it to clean his spent seed off of her and his hand, then wiping the last dribbles from his now shrunken organ. He chuckled nervously, “It’s a little messy.”

Rey smiled, “I don’t mind. You looked so different when you were doing it.”

“Did I?” he smiled, throwing the shirt onto the floor and gathering Rey into his arms again.

She nodded, “Very intense, but vulnerable, almost.”

He smiled. “I’ve never done that in front of anyone before. It wasn’t as strange as I thought it would be.”

Rey couldn’t help looking down at his waist, and he noticed her fascination. She giggled, “Is that what it normally looks like, like it did in the shower?”

He looked a little abashed. “Yes, most of the time.”

“Am I embarrassing you?” she asked quickly.

“No, of course not. I know how curious you are.”

She hesitated, then asked cautiously, “Can I ask what is probably a silly question?”

“I’m sure it’s not silly.” His right hand had started stroking her back, sending distracting shivers down her spine. “What is it?”

“What do you call it?”

“Call what?”

“Your-” she gestured.

“Um, well, medically it’s a penis. Is that what you mean?”

“Kind of, but is that how you refer to it? When you think of it?” Rey is blushing. “Or do you use another word?”

“Oh, ok. I always called them cocks. That’s what most people called them.”

“And mine? Do you call it a cunt?”

“Well, cunt is kind of a crass term for it. When I was a kid, I knew this guy who called them peaches, and I kind of like that for yours. It’s so fuzzy and soft and pink.”

Rey had turned bright pink now, grinning like a silly child. “A peach? I like that.”

Ben kissed her lips, then her bright cheeks. “You’re unspeakably adorable when you blush.” Ben reached up to stroke her hair. “There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while. You said you used to have a sweetheart on Jakku. Who was it?”

Rey smiled, remembering fondly. “There was another scavenger, Avedra. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. She had this long curly hair, kind of like Jannah’s but it was bright red. And she had the most beautiful green eyes, dark cocoa skin. She had been sold to Unkar a few years after me, but she was two years older than I was. We’d known each other for a long time, but one day we decided to pool our resources and travel to a ship we’d never been to before.”

Rey rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling. “We’d heard the ship was full of good parts. Only a few scavengers had ever gone out that far. The problem was saving up enough food and fuel, and trying to carry the haul back with you. Avedra had a large speeder. We saved up a few days rations and fuel, and set off one day, just after my fifth year on Jakku.”

“So how old were you?”

“About thirteen. Her speeder had extra storage compartments, but there was only one proper seat. I had to ride behind her, strapped to her seat, holding onto her waist.”

“You rode like that for two days?”

“We switched spots every few hours. And we took breaks. When we stopped for the night, she kissed me.” Rey smiled. “We didn’t get much sleep that night. She was my first love. My only love ‘til you.”

Ben smiled, but it was a somber expression. “What happened to her?”

Rey sighed. “A year later, she was exploring a section of a ship that I’d never been to before. It collapsed. I was on a higher platform than her and managed to jump to safety. I think maybe something had already awakened in me, warned me what was happening just seconds before. She was dead when I found her. But I had one year with her, one year of happiness.”

Ben leaned over and kissed her cheek. “It won’t be the last. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have caught up with everything I had pre-written now, so the updates might slow down a bit. Hope everyone enjoyed the first fully dirty chapter. There will be more to come! Also, I increased the chapter count, but I think it will stay at 30. I just have to wrap-up the Scarlet Order story line and give our kids a happy ending. :)


	25. Holiday Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey on a tour to the library and the gardens as Rey recuperates.

The rumbling of Rey’s stomach finally motivated them to leave the bed. Rey threw on a robe, and Ben helped her to the table, where she sat to watch Ben cook breakfast. He decided on flapjacks, his father’s favorite. He mixed up a quick batter of flour, rising agent, milk and an egg, then poured the batter onto a hot pan, forming circles the size of his fist. Rey watched in fascination as he flipped them. When the coffee was brewed, he poured them both a mug, mixing Rey’s the way she liked it with the cinnamon cream. When the first flapjacks were ready, he dropped them on a plate and set them in front of Rey, along with a jar of fruit jam and a pot of sweet syrup. He kissed the top of her head and told her to eat up.

She had completely devoured them by the time the second batch were done cooking.

“Are you still hungry? I can make more?”

She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t eat any more. That syrup is delicious.” She dipped her finger into the pool of sauce on her plate and put her finger in her mouth before she could think twice, then blushed. “Sorry, I guess that wasn’t very good table manners.”

Ben couldn’t admit that he had been thinking all sorts of things at the sight of her licking the thick liquid off of her fingers, but that none of them had anything to do with dining etiquette, so he just stammered out that he was glad she’d liked it.

When he was done eating, she got up to get dressed, taking her mug with her.

“Oh no, not anymore.”

Rey froze, then sat back down. “What?”

“Every day, you take a cup of coffee into your room with you while you change, and you leave it in there half full.”

Rey sputtered. “I do not!”

“Yes, you do, every day! I know because I go in and get it.”

She laughed, obviously flustered. “I mean, I guess I do that every once in a while, but I highly doubt it’s every day!”

“You also leave your clothes all over the floor. I always go in and pick them up.”

Rey was blushing now. “I don’t know whether to be mad at you for pointing out all my flaws, or to be pleased that you know me so well. I guess I’ll go with pleased.”

“Do you need help? How’s your ankle?”

“Actually, not bad. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

“That’s good. We should go down to the medics after you’ve dressed, and get it checked out, just to be safe.”

Rey agreed, finishing her coffee before she stood, then leaving the cup behind her, as Ben chuckled. He stood and took their dishes to the sink, giving everything a quick rinse before putting the dishes in the sonic washer and turning it on. Then he wiped down the counter and the table, where a few drops of syrup had started to harden.

He went to his own room to change into a pair of black trousers and a dark green sweater. He sat on the sofa to put on his boots when the door to Rey’s room slid open.

He looked up at her and couldn’t help but grin at her.

She was wearing a dress, something he hadn’t seen her wear since the celebration bonfire after the end of the war. The dress was sleeveless, the neck falling down in a graceful V, the point stopping just at the swell of her breast. The waist of the dress fit her perfectly, while the full skirt bloomed around her hips and thighs. The hem fell just to her knees, leaving her calves bare. The dress was a pale pink color that perfectly matched the tint of her cheeks as she started to blush from his appreciative glances. Her hair tumbled down freely along her shoulders and back, longer than he had remembered. He supposed she wasn’t getting it cut anymore. He couldn’t remember her having it cut since they arrived on Ardone. It curled at the ends and Ben wanted to run one of those curls through his finger, see if they felt as smooth as they looked.

“You look amazing,” he breathed.

She shrugged, slipping her hands into pockets at her hips. “It’s just a dress,” she teased.

He stood up, boots forgotten, and stood in front of her, his hand going to her neck. He drew his hand down through her hair to the ends, watching as the curls at the end of the hair unwound and then bounced back. He bent down to kiss her, stopping first to whisper, “That dress is almost exactly the same color as your peach.”

He kept his eyes open as his mouth covered hers to appreciate the deep flush that spread down her cheeks and neck. Rey lifted her arms to wrap around his shoulders, her mouth hot and insistent against his. She pulled back, taking a deep breath. “I’ll have to wear dresses more often, if it gets you this riled up.”

“You any way gets me riled up.”

He sat down again to finish putting on his boots. “Did you pick up your clothes?” he teased Rey as he stood again.

She pushed her lips into a pretty pout. “Yes,” she replied sulkily, humoring him.

“Thank you,” he replied, taking her hand in his and kissing the back of it.

They dropped hands when they left their quarters, though Rey leaned on his arm, the cast on her foot hindering her mobility. Ben thought that one day they wouldn’t have to, they would stroll through the halls hand in hand, arm in arm if they wished, and no one would question it. But not yet.

The medic happily reported that Rey was completely healed. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said, showing them the scans. She pointed to one of the bones in her ankle on the digital scan, her finger passing through beams of light. “This was completely broken in half yesterday. Your Force abilities must have kicked into overdrive to heal you. Were you trying to heal yourself?”

Rey shook her head. “No, I didn’t have enough Force power back to levitate small objects, let alone heal anything.”

The medic shook her head. “Well, I can’t explain it then. But we can go ahead and remove this cast and the one on your wrist. They aren’t doing anything for you anymore.”

Removing the casts took only a few minutes. A helper droid fetched Rey a pair of shoes in the meantime, and then they were free to go.

“I think that’s why your Force was so slow to return,” Ben speculated after they left, standing on the upper level of the Atrium, looking down at the Representatives and their aides, waiting for the morning legislative session to begin. “I think your Force power was healing you.”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know. I think it was us. The dyad. The Emperor said it was like life. I think when you stayed with me, held me, loved me, it triggered our connection to heal me.”

Ben nodded. “You might be right. I’m just glad it worked. Poe will be glad to hear, too.” He continued, although something flickered in Rey’s face, and she turned her face to look out over the Atrium. “I saw him after, in the courtyard, when I carried you to the medics. The look on his face, he was devastated. Please give him another chance.”

Rey twisted her mouth, but Ben was relieved to see that she was half-smiling. “The irony here does not escape me, that _you’re_ encouraging _me_ to forgive and forget.”

Ben shrugged. “I guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

Rey grinned, her eyes glinting devilishly. “I mean, I literally did rub off on you,” she teases.

He smiled, feeling a flush creep over his cheeks. “That’s true,” he admitted.

Rey bumped her shoulder against his, a grin spreading across her face.

Ben quickly changed the topic, trying to avoid such a sensitive subject in public. “What do you want to do today?”

Rey turned her gaze once more over the Atrium, to the people congregating in small groups down below. Ben watched her out of the corner of his eye. A small half-smile turned up one corner of her mouth.

“It feels like a long time since I’ve got to plan my own day. I hardly know what to do.”

“Well, there’s the gardens, the stables, the pool, I could finally teach you how to swim and not just stay afloat. Or there’s the library.”

Rey’s eyes lit up, a smile effusing her face. As always, Ben found himself captivated by her toothy grin, the way her eyes shone and the curve her cheeks made. Suddenly Rey was saying his name, her tone suggesting she was repeating herself.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

Rey reached out, quick as a flash, and pinched his arm through his sweater.

“Ow!”

“I said I want to see the library.” She pinched him again, in a different spot.

“Hey, cut it out.” When Rey’s hand shot out again, toward his shoulder, Ben captured her wrist in his hand. When Rey’s other hand darted toward his waist, he caught that wrist with his free hand, then maneuvered so that both of her wrists were expertly trapped by his one hand. He grinned at her giving his best, _so there_ look.

Rey smirked. “Kinky.”

Ben’s brain conjured images of Rey in bed, naked, hands pinned to the bed under his, all of her bared for him to see. He shook his head to dispel the image as Rey turned away with a knowing smile.

“Where did you even learn that stuff?” Ben asked, leading the way to the library.

Rey scoffed. “I’m not twelve! Believe me, you grow up fast on Jakku! Plus, the Resistance had its fair share of weirdos.”

Ben turned to look at Rey appraisingly. “What weirdos? Do they bother you?”

Rey shook her head, laughing. “Don’t worry. I’m apparently way too intimidating. Also, Finn made himself my bodyguard, and everyone thought I was a virgin.”

Ben pointed her down a side corridor, then stopped at a small door. “Well, I can’t say I’m sorry to hear that.”

He pressed his palm to the console and the door swished open. Rey walked through the door, glancing around at the shelves of books before her.

“I’ve never seen this many books before,” she murmured, reaching out to touch a few of the spines coated in stiff plastic, as though touching them would make them more real for her. Ben reached out and took her hand, drew her further into the room, until they came to another corridor like the one that overlooked the Atrium, however, this one stood circling a massive three-story space, and everywhere you looked shelves were overflowing with books.

“This is the Ardonian Library. That was just the history section.”

“History section?”

“Yeah, last fifty years.”

Rey looked around the room the size of the space hangar, eyes like saucers. “Last fifty years, huh.”

Soft golden light filtered down from large windows in the ceiling. Ben liked that about the Ardonians, lots of windows and light. Thick carpets covered the floors, to lessen the echo. He started pointing out sections to Rey, although he hardly knew them all.

“That’s another history section,” he pointed to an alcove to their right, “roughly a hundred years ago, I like those. They have history books from a thousand years ago downstairs.”

“Written a thousand years ago?” Rey asked as they started to wander down the wide hallway.

“Some of them, yeah. Mostly they were written more recently about the time period.”

“What are they about?”

Ben shrugged. “All kinds of things. Some are about events in history, like this book I was reading about the Clone Wars. Some are about different planets or peoples, what life was like for them, the ways it was different from our lives. Some are about aspects of life, like space travel or trade or architecture, how it’s changed over the years.”

He pointed to another section. “Those are the mysteries, Mother loved those.”

Rey looked up at him, smiling. “Really?”

“Oh, she couldn’t get enough of them. She read them almost every day, when she had time. She would try to guess the endings, and she was usually right.”

They wandered through the section, and Ben pointed out a few of Leia’s favorites. Rey slid a book off the shelf, opened the cover to stare at the pages.

“What’s it made of?”

“It’s a special plastic, very durable, that the Ardonians manufacture. It doesn’t degrade, nonflammable, almost indestructible. That’s how they have so many books, old paper books used to break down pretty quickly. They even have a process where they can take paper books and unbind the pages, coat them in resin, and put them back together, so you can still see the original paper, but you won’t damage the pages. You can’t check them out, though.”

“Check them out? So you can leave with these?”

“Yeah, all the ones on the shelves. The special ones are locked up in a room downstairs. Here, I’ll show you.”

He walked to a wall console, several of which stood in the area. He took the book from Rey, laid it on a little shelf while the machine scanned it. “Now put your hand on the palm pad.”

Rey did and the machine scanned her hand. “Now it knows that you have the book. When you’re done, bring it back and do the same thing. The book will wait here for a droid to come and put it back where it belongs.”

Rey smiled shyly, holding the book to her chest. “I can’t believe I’m going to read the same book Leia did. It’s like she’s still with us.”

Ben smiled, too, but couldn’t help feeling a pang of regret. He followed Rey around for the rest of the day, looking at books, explaining different genres. She ended up with a history book about the Jedi Knights of the Old Republic, a few books about integrating hyperspace drives, and a romance novel. “Just for fun,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

They left the library by a door on the first floor, having descended the three levels to pass all of Rey’s favorite kinds of books. The Atrium was almost empty now, as preliminary legislative sessions had begun that morning. Ben took Rey to the gardens, on the opposite end of the compound from the Atrium, the Legislative Chamber, and the living quarters.

Ben had always found the eastern section of the compound to be more solemn, quieter and contemplative. There were art galleries, rooms upon rooms of paintings and statues, and holographic digital art. Past them, wide double-doors opened onto acres of gardens. The first garden was kempt, neat and trim, with a lawn of close-cut grass, flowers growing in even rows, a marble fountain of winged cherubs blowing on stone trumpets, out of which water bubbled up to fall into the pool below. The gardens were separated by wooden lattices, where heavy vines grew. Arches in the lattice connected one garden to another, and gave the feeling of passing between rooms, even though the spaces were open to the sky above. It gave a strange feeling of being outside while indoors.

The next garden was slightly wilder, vines growing upon every surface, but not trimmed back, stone benches covered in light coatings of green moss, rose bushes planted with no eye for symmetry or order. There was a garden of lush vegetables that guests could pick and eat if they wished, a garden full of nothing but fragrant flowers, their perfume overwhelming in the still air. One garden grew nothing but slender, supple trees, that had been coaxed to grow so their branches overhung the central space, their limbs woven together to form a thin canopy. In the autumn weather, the leaves had begun to turn, red and orange and gold tinted.

Ben held Rey’s hand, looking up at the leaves, backlight with the bright sunlight. He looked down at Rey, brushed a lock of hair back from her face, appreciating the dapple of sunlight on her cheeks, highlighting her splash of freckles. “This one’s my favorite.”

Rey caught a heart-shaped leaf as it fell, spun it in her fingers by its stem, appreciating the soft golden tint. She smiled up at Ben, then leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him, quickly and sweetly.

Ben led her to a tree, leaning against the trunk, and Rey leaned against him, and they both read for a few hours, Rey about hyperspace engines, Ben his mother’s favorite mystery. He knew how it ended, but he still enjoyed the read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. My creativity has been seriously stilted lately. Hope you enjoy some fluff!


	26. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey connect after the library. With sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice long chapter, hope it was worth the wait!

When the door slid open to their quarters, it was like something came alive inside Rey. It was small, hard to put her finger on, but there all the same, like the first time she’d felt the Force inside her as a living entity she could affect, that could affect her. Stepping through the door, after the door slide shut behind her, she reached out to grab Ben’s hand and pull him to her. He arched one eyebrow, then understanding flooded his face. He let her pull him against her, pushing her back against the door until her body was caught between the two. As his lips caught hers, his hand reached out to the control panel and locked the door.

“Ben,” she gasped against his mouth. “I feel it, too.”

He chuckled, low and raspy, and the sound of it sent a shiver through Rey. He pressed his mouth to hers again, but to kiss her he had to shift his body away from her to slightly stoop his shoulders and neck down to her. Rey gave a little groan of need, at the movement of his chest away from her. She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, but there was still this space between them, too much space.

The solution occurred to her, and she leapt into the air, trusting him to catch her as she wrapped her legs around his waist. His arms wrapped around her body, one arm behind her back, cradling her head, one arm under her bottom, his other hand cupping one cheek under her dress. Finally, Rey had the contact her body craved, and a little satisfied moan escaped her as she opened her mouth to Ben’s tongue.

She had never known it could be like this. She wanted to touch him everywhere. She wanted him to touch her everywhere. Was it supposed to feel this tense inside her? It felt like there was a space inside her that ached, a part of her that wanted to be stroked and cuddled and petted.

Ben seemed content to stand, pressing Rey’s body against the door, but Rey felt herself needing more. It was strange, feeling so needy. She had needed Ben’s hand in hers, then when she had it, she found she needed his lips on hers, then when he was kissing her, she needed his body near hers. Not that she was as close to him as she possibly could be, all she could think of was that there were too many clothes. She needed skin-to-skin contact. Would her need never be satiated?

Ben stepped away from the door, adjusting his grip on her legs somewhat as he began to carry her to her bedroom. Rey let her shoes slip from her feet as he walked, crossing her ankles in the small of his back to keep herself from sliding down. She knew she should stop kissing him so he could pay closer attention to where he was walking, but she couldn’t seem to relinquish her hold on his lips. Something inside her was awake, wide awake, and it was fueling the need inside her like a wildfire.

Ben shifted his right hand from beneath her bottom, groped blindly at the panel to the right of the bedroom door. He fumbled for a moment, then turned his head to the right so he could see better. He finally hit the correct button, and the door slid open. He pulled his mouth away from Rey’s long enough to hit a red button in the middle of the panel. When Rey complained with a soft needy grunt, he laughed softly.

“Sorry, I accidentally summoned housekeeping. I thought you might not want to be interrupted.”

He carried Rey through the doorway, then closed the door behind them and locked it. He made it to the bed, falling to his knees on the mattress. Bracing himself with one hand against the headboard, he slowly lowered Rey to the bed. Rey pulled him down to her, and he lay between her legs, weight on his elbows and knees, as Rey attempted to devour his mouth. She felt she could kiss him for hours and never get enough of his plump lips, his wild tongue, his teeth nibbling at her bottom lip. And yet it still wasn’t enough.

She pushed her hands up his back, under his sweater. Ben reached behind his neck to grab a handful of cloth, pulling it up over his head while Rey helped push the fabric up his back. After a few failed attempts, Ben managed to free his arms and tossed the sweater to the side. He chuckled as Rey pulled his jaw again, impatient to claim his mouth once more.

It was all a give and take. She needed his bare skin against hers, but had to relinquish his lips to let him remove his shirt. Now his pants were in the way, and while she might be able to keep kissing him while he removed them, she would have to sacrifice the closeness of their bodies. Why couldn’t clothes melt away at will? Was that a Force ability she could learn?

Ben grinned against her mouth as one hand reached down to unfasten his pants. “I honestly hadn’t thought of that, but I’ll start researching the Jedi records right away,” he murmured, lips just buzzing against hers.

It took a minute for Rey to digest his words, realizing he was responding to her unspoken question. She couldn’t help giggling. “Tomorrow. You should definitely work on that tomorrow.”

She put a hand on Ben’s chest, pushing him away slightly. He pushed himself up on his hands so he was still close, a little less than arm’s length above her. Rey reached down and freed the hem of her dress from where it had become tangled with her legs. She pulled the dress up, pushing herself up on one elbow to pull the dress up her back. Ben helped, but it was a minute of awkward fumbling before he could pull the dress free. Ben took the opportunity to push his pants down, kicking them off and to the side.

Finally, Rey was bare before him, skin touching skin. Ben gazed down at her, eyes full of wonder. She had skipped the band she normally wore around her breasts. Ben’s eyes skimmed down her hair, her breasts, her hips clad in white underclothes.

Rey took a moment to observe Ben, as well, though her lips felt lonesome and naked without Ben’s lips covering hers. She reached out and ran her fingers over his shoulders, eyes dipping down his stomach, to his waist, to the black shorts he wore.

The moment passed and Rey pulled him back down to her again. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling his hips flush against hers, then looped around his thighs, so that her feet were tucked behind his knees. She reveled in his hardness, both his cock and his hard hips and muscles, relished the firmness of him pressed against her soft spots. So hard she was sure he was bruising her, but she didn’t find it in the least uncomfortable. The only discomfort was this aching want, all hot wet mouth, dragging fingers against his back, trying to pull him closer into her, wanting desperately to be closer to him. Ben’s lips left hers to kiss down her neck, but Rey found herself pulling him back to her.

“No, don’t. Need you here,” she murmured like some feral child. She couldn’t say why, but she couldn’t let him go yet, needed this skin to skin contact like oxygen. Luckily, Ben could sense it, and made no attempt to stray from her again. He soothed her with short kisses on her neck and ears. Rey had decided that the full body contact was worth temporarily releasing his mouth, and Ben lay with almost all of his weight on top of her, his head buried in her hair, her chin just jutting out over his right shoulder. She felt so contented at that moment, the weight of him comforting and warm.

After a few minutes, when Rey had stilled and her thoughts calmed, Ben began to move again. This time, Rey could let him move from her, though still only inches away. He began to kiss her everywhere, her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her chin, her ears, her neck, down her collarbones, breasts, each nipple in turn, beneath her breasts, down her stomach, her hip bones. Rey pushed her hips up from the bed when Ben slipped his fingers under her last piece of clothing, pulling them down her legs, planting little kisses down the front of her thighs, her knees, her calves, her ankles, following the path of her undergarments down her body like they were the shepherd, his kisses the flock. Rey gave a little cry when he was at her ankles, too far away, and reached for him, but relaxed when he settled between her legs, kissing her there, too.

Rey buried her fingers in his hair as she involuntarily bucked her hips. Ben laid both hands to her hips to steady her, as he began to lap at her slick wetness, groaning against her, which made Rey moan. That pressure building up inside her, so hot, so insistent, an animalistic part of her body that wanted nothing more than this physical pleasure, to own, to possess, to revel in her body. She came quickly, shaking from the intensity of the exquisite relief. She came back to herself to realize tears had leaked out of the corners of her eyes. When had she started crying?

Ben pushed up on hands and knees, kneeling over her, face full of concern and tenderness. But she wasn’t crying, not out of pain or loneliness or fear, but from the rush of emotion, of overwhelming physical stimuli. Ben stroked her hair, kissed her gently then pulled back, sheepishly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Rey grinned, pushing away his hand, kissing him greedily, her tongue questing for every drop of herself on his mouth.

Rey smiled as he gazed at her, spellbound. “Juicy peach,” she murmured, licking her lips, and Ben laughed, kissing her again.

“Delicious.”

All at once, Rey was pushing him onto his back, climbing atop him, straddling his hips.

“Didn’t get to do this last time,” she said, pulling down his shorts to expose his wildly erect cock. Her fingers closed on it as he tried to wiggle out of the shorts. Rey was so intent on her goal that she hardly noticed, her unyielding weight hampering his movements. He cursed himself silently; he’d meant to remove his shorts after enjoying the taste of Rey’s peach, before resuming their other activities, since Rey seemed to be in a primal state of mind that knew exactly what it wanted, but cared nothing for the practical achievement of those ends. He’d gotten distracted by her raw emotional state, however, and now Primal Rey Brain decided it was very much in charge now, thanks.

He grinned up at her, finally pushing his hips up from the bed, lifting Rey several inches off the bed along with him, and pushing the shorts down his thighs. Once there, he lowered back down, and used his knees and feet to move the shorts the remaining distance to the floor.

Rey didn’t pay any attention to these gymnastics at all, focused with laser-like intensity on his shaft, rubbing it through her folds, to Ben’s delighted distraction. She seemed to have remembered when he had used her juices to lubricate himself before pleasuring himself that morning. He had to admire her dedication to the task at hand, as he was now thoroughly slick and throbbing at the proximity of her warm entrance, so close but tantalizingly out of reach.

“Rey,” he groaned, and Rey momentarily snapped out of her Primal Brain.

“Oh right,” she murmured, and guided him to slip inside her.

He tried to stay still, ceding control to Primal Rey, but it tested every ounce of control. Rey straddling his hips was amazing, but all he could think about was reversing their respective positions and fucking her until she screamed his name.

Rey’s cheeks flushed pink. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

Rey nodded, biting her lower lip distractingly. “The link is just _wide_ open right now, is all.”

It was his turn to blush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s ok,” she laughed, lowering herself to lay above him, kissing him lightly.

Ben groaned. “I’m just so torn. You’re so soft and sweet, and beautiful, I just want to hold you. But then I also want to fuck you senseless.”

Rey nuzzled his neck, nipping gently at his ear. “Why not both? Fucking now, please. You can hold me later.”

Ben could feel she was being genuine. Grasping her shoulders, he carefully rolled so she lay below him, with him kneeling just above her, still buried deep inside her.

“Is that ok?” he asked. She smiled at him, murmuring softly as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, fitting her cheek into the hollow of his neck.

He raised his hips, briefly pulling out partway, before rocking his hips back into hers, sinking into her once again. Rey rewarded him with a satisfying moan. He repeated the motion, and Rey’s hands moved down from his neck to wrap around his back under his arms, hands gripping his shoulders for leverage.

He stopped to look into her eyes, lost for a moment in their hazel depths. Her face was so soft then, eyes half-shut, lips slightly parted. His eyes flicked over her face hungrily, as if making up for lost time, wishing he could take in more of her flushed cheeks, scattered freckles, her stubborn chin jutting toward him.

“Ben,” she groaned. “You stopped moving.”

“Sorry. I was just realizing how much I love you.”

Rey’s bottom lip poked out in a delicious pout. “Just now?”

He shook his head as his stomach flipped over. “No, not just now.”

“Ben, I’m teasing you.” She captured his mouth, kissing him deeply, tongue flicking against his for a moment. “Fuck me, Ben,” she gasped, head tilting back.

He shivered at the sound of her voice, husky and rough with desire. He’d dreamed about that voice for so long, but even his fantasies had never prepared him for this, for her, warm and wanting him.

Ben hiked Rey’s legs further up his waist, and slid his arms under her, hands cupping her shoulders for leverage, mirroring her own posture. “Hold on,” he whispered.

Later Ben tried to describe the experience to himself, and decided it felt like his first solo space flight, how he’d barely tapped the controls and the craft shot off like a rocket across the sky, skipping into the upper atmosphere, into the black velvet envelop of space, the warm friendly wink of stars greeting him like an old friend.

The frantic, frenzied act of coupling was pierced through with moments of absolute clarity, like the moment Rey reached her climax again. She stilled for a moment, sucking in a breath as though she had been dealt some mortal blow. Swept away in the wave of pleasure, she forgot to breathe for a moment, then she blinked and gasped for air, fingers clutching his shoulders like she was scrambling for life.

When his own orgasm crashed over him, he felt the same way, crushed by forces both physical and emotional. It was almost too much to bear, but then there was Rey, gasping with him, nuzzling his neck, bringing him back down to her, back to the warm, safe circle of her arms.

He slipped out of her, and it felt like another little death, to be separated from her again, but then there was the bond, which he could almost see as a pulsing gold aura radiating out from her, to him, swirling around them. He collapsed to Rey’s side, pulling her to him. She snuggled up to his chest, arms around his waist, moments away from slipping into warm, contented slumber. Ben searched for a moment, found her forehead with his lips, gave her a soft peck.

“I love you, Rey.”

“Love you, Ben,” Rey managed to murmur before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, we finally get some good old-fashioned, wholesome boning. I struggled with this chapter all week, and then woke up early this morning and banged the whole thing out (pun intended) in a few hours. Sometimes you just have to be in the mood, I guess (pun also intended.)  
> Feral Rey makes another appearance! And no, she doesn't care about minor details like actually letting Ben remove their clothing. 
> 
> This chapter was so much fun to write, I'm glad I didn't try to force it. I actually started writing something else and felt a little guilty about it, but I think it helped bring back my writing mojo for this project. I guess for me, at least, it's true what people say, write anything, and if something isn't working, just skip ahead, or work on something else and come back.
> 
> The other thing I'm writing, already at 15K, is Sansa/Sandor Clegane, if anyone is interested in that kind of thing, but I'm not going to start posting until this is done.
> 
> Anyway, this might be the longest note I've ever written, but I wanted to explain a little why the update took so long. Hope you're enjoying! I am still planning on 4 more chapters, so we're almost there! Hope you are staying safe and healthy!


	27. Foxhole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes face to face with Lirri Khan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to celebrate 60K last chapter! So exciting! I've never written anything this long before, so I hope it is living up to its promise.
> 
> I totally forgot to mention several chapters back, Chewie and Lando took the Millennium Falcon off to fight in the battle at the end of the war, and after, left to help take down slaving operations. It's mentioned in this chapter, but that was my way of keeping Chewie away from the Scarlet Order ambush, because if Chewie had been there, there's no way he would have let them take Rey! And that just wouldn't do story-wise. Sorry I forgo to write that in!

Rey woke up a few hours later, once again a slave to the growling of her stomach. Ben followed her out of bed, and they dressed in robes, shyly at first. As Rey went to leave the room, Ben caught her around her waist, pulling her against him, kissing her soundly until Rey was gasping. She laid her hands on either side of his face, holding him close.

“It’ll always be like this, right? Promise me it will.”

Ben looked down at her, his face wistful and mysterious, lips set in a firm line. At first Rey thought he was never going to reply, and her heart fluttered against her chest like a wild, nervous creature, completely alien to her. Then Ben spoke, his voice husky and low. “I promise,” he murmured, so low Rey almost thought she hadn’t heard it. He pressed his forehead to hers. “I promise we’ll always be like this.”

Rey let out a shaky breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “I heard that, Ben Solo. You didn’t lie to me. So it’s a promise.”

He nodded, kissing her again, not passionately, but soft and comforting, like a warm bath. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Ben took out ingredients from the crisper, some vegetables, a short-staple grain like rice, a plant-based protein he said was actually pretty good with seasoning. They stood in the kitchen together, in their robes. Ben showed her how to cut the vegetables, how to put the grain in a little bowl with water to cook, how to sauté the vegetables so they didn’t burn, but got nice and crispy, removing the vegetables to a serving dish before adding the protein to the pan, cooking it quickly on a high heat so it got brown and almost burnt, but not quite. He seasoned it expertly with salt and pepper, some kind of salty liquid, and a spicy red sauce.

Rey watched, fascinated, as he poured the protein into the pan, poured a little more of the salty liquid and a broth into the hot pan, which steamed and crackled. He poured some acidic liquid into the pan, and something sweet, stirred and cooked it until it grew thick and brown. He tasted the grain and said it was done (how did he know?) and poured the sauce over the vegetables and protein, then dumped the grain into a bowl, fluffing it with a fork.

They sat down to eat, Ben serving them heaping bowls of the grains, covered with the vegetables and protein and sauce. Rey shook her head when he handed it to her.

“How did you ever learn to do that?” she asked, eyes wide as she tasted a leafy green vegetable and moaned. It tasted amazing.

He chuckled. “I got really bored while you were gone. The HoloNet has all kinds of instructional videos.”

Rey laughed and tasted a piece of protein. “You’re right, that is really good. Everything’s delicious, Ben. Thank you.”

Rey wished every day could be just like this one, but she knew she would have to go back to the missions the next day. As if in answer to her thoughts, a ping came from her datapad, sitting on the little table by the front door. Rey sighed, squared her shoulders, and walked over to pick it up.

She examined the message from Poe for a moment, wishing she could just smash the cursed thing.

“What’s it say?” Ben asked with a carefully even tone.

“It’s from Poe. Wants me to come by tomorrow. He has a lead on Lirri Khan.”

She looked up at Ben. He tried to look sympathetic; he must know she didn’t want to go. But Rey also sensed curiosity and a little eagerness. “If he’s got a lead, that’s a good sign, right? Maybe we can finally put this all behind us.”

That wasn’t it, though. Deep down, where Ben kept the feelings he didn’t like to admit to, like wanting to kill the men who had hurt her, Rey sensed a different eagerness. He wanted to go. He was tired of being stuck in this building, wanted just a moment of excitement back.

Rey tried not to be hurt, but couldn’t help it. Had he been excited when he’d gotten a chance to go on the rescue mission? Had he felt the same sense of adventure, travelling across the galaxy, eager to use his saber and his Force powers on another human, while she’d been tied to an exam table? She tried not to, but the thought hurt her.

It was strange, trying to hide her feelings, from someone she never could, at the same time that Ben was trying to hide his from her. And she could see on his face that he was realizing her feelings, at the same time that she was reading realization on his. It was like some kind of infinite loop.

“Rey-” he said, holding up a hand at the same time that Rey said his name.

“I wasn’t happy-”

“I shouldn’t have snooped-” they both spoke at the same time.

“You go ahead-” they both said at the same time again.

Ben insistently held out his hand to her, to tell her to speak.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. It’s like there’s this place I never used to see, except in flashes, and now it’s exposed all the time.”

Ben waited until she was done, then nodded. “Does it make you uncomfortable?” he asked, eyes soft.

She thought a moment, then shook her head. “No, I just feel like I’m invading. Everyone should have things they get to keep private. I don’t want you to feel like we have to hide things from each other. But nobody can be completely honest with someone one hundred percent of the time.”

“I agree. We’ll work on the link, starting in the morning. I’m sure if combine our efforts, we can get it back to where it used to be.” He reached out a hand to stroke her hair. “I would be sad if it went away completely, though. Sometimes I like being able to see what you’re thinking.”

Rey nodded in agreement, coming back to the table to help Ben clear the table and wash the dishes. Once done, Ben looked at her appraisingly.

“You tired yet?”

Rey shook her head.

“Want to sit on the couch and read? I could light a fire and make you some hot chocolate. Just like my mother made.”

Rey nodded eagerly, and a few hours later, Ben was sitting on the couch, his feet up on a low stool, Rey laying with her head pillowed on his lap, a blanket tucked around her. She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep until Ben was lifting her and carrying her to bed, just like he had carried her the day before last.

Ben laid her gently in the bed, sliding in beside her, and Rey was asleep again before she knew it.

In the morning, they spent fifteen minutes meditating after breakfast. Ben had her visualize the bond, then imagine putting up a wall, very similar to the one she’d put up when she’d been in the bath, and didn’t want him to be able to see her.

“Imagine it has a tiny hole where our link passes through. Or it’s made of a mesh barrier, maybe, a net through which some thoughts can travel. As we continue this exercise, we’ll be able to make the net thinner or more opaque, as we wish. We just want to control it, not turn off the link.”

Rey could feel the control he spoke of even after they stood from their positions kneeling on the bedroom floor, appreciated its comfort and security. She dressed in her long grey pants and grey sleeveless top, bending over to tie up the laces on her boots. All the while, she felt the link between them, stronger than ever, could reach out to Ben and not only feel what he felt, but even sometimes see what he saw, hear what he heard. Then she retreated and pushed up the wall, until she was only distantly aware of his thoughts and feelings. It was a heady feeling, knowing she could be that connected to him.

She looked up to see Ben watching her, leaning against the wall, his face flat and impassive, though a small smile curled his lips. Rey was tempted to use the link to find out what he was thinking, but held back.

Instead she smiled up at him. “What are you thinking?”

He chose his words carefully. “I was just thinking I’ve had a lot of people in my head over my life. I’ve never felt anyone like you. I could tell you were in my thoughts just now, but you’re so… gentle,” he hesitated. “It’s like a soft kiss. Not a sledgehammer.”

Rey stood up and went to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Slumped against the door, he was nearer to her, she didn’t have to reach so far to kiss him. He was always doing that, pulling into himself, trying to make himself smaller. Especially when he was making himself vulnerable to her. It hit her like a dagger, every time he relived the years of abuse he’d suffered. He hadn’t been born like this; Rey knew that as surely as she knew herself. Snoke had known exactly what buttons to press, what strings to pull to create a killer.

Ben cupped the back of her neck, clinging to her with naked need.

“It’s ok. I’m here now. No one else will ever be in your head again.”

Ben smiled against her cheek, stroking her hair. He sighed like he didn’t really believe her, but the thought was gone as soon as Rey had sensed it. He straightened, steeling his resolve.

“Come on. Let’s get it over with.”

Rey and Ben walked down to the Mission Room, as Poe had requested. Poe let them in, his face brightening when he saw Rey. He stepped toward them, out of the Mission Room, and shut the door behind him. He nodded to Ben.

“Thank you for coming. Rey, I can’t express how sorry I am about what happened.”

Rey shook her head. “I appreciate that. I’d rather not speak about it right now.”

Poe nodded stiffly. “Of course. I’ll start with the briefing then?”

Rey nodded, giving him a small smile. “I just want this all to be over.”

Poe looked a little disappointed, but wasted no time re-entering the Mission Room. “You might have your wish. The gang’s all here, by the way.”

Rey followed Poe inside, her eyes adjusting to the light. When they did, she received warm smiles from D’Acy, Rose, Finn and Jannah, Kaydel and Beaumont.

Jannah stood next to Rey, and reached out to hold her hand. Jannah’s eyes were questioning, and Rey nodded and squeezed her hand to let her know it was all right.

Poe punched in a few commands at a console. “We received this yesterday, just a few minutes after we found you.”

A holo appeared, of a woman in her late forties or early fifties, fit, appeared to be middle height, with curly dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. She was dressed simply in pants and a long-sleeved shirt, hands held lightly at her sides. She gazed directly ahead, steadily, giving no impression of being nervous or deceptive.

“My name is Lirri Khan. I believe the Republic has been looking for me. I am the head of the secret Intelligence agency called the Scarlet Order, formerly of the First Order. I am the sole remaining leader of this organization. I wish to surrender myself and my subordinates to the Republic. To prove my intentions, I am providing not only my coordinates, but the locations and coordinates for all remaining Scarlet Order bases, as well as an inventory of Order personnel. I cannot say that the rest of my order will acquiesce to my order to stand down. But you have their faces and identity chips, you should be able to hunt them down quickly. I am waiting on Pria. I will wait until you come and arrest me. I will meet you alone.”

The recording ended. Rey looked to Poe with a look of skepticism. “We’re really going to fall for this again?”

“We checked the list, and the coordinates. We went for the bases first. They’re all there. We took them all yesterday. While she was right, a lot of the personnel did fight or take suicide pills, many surrendered. When questioned, they said they were ordered to. They didn’t seem happy about it, but seemed to hold her in high respect. Everyone we spoke to confirmed she’s the only person they’ve been receiving commands from. She’s all that’s left of high command.”

The room fell silent. Rey felt all eyes watching her.

“This could be the end of the war, Rey,” Rose said softly.

Rey managed not to sigh. “Maybe it’ll even be true this time. When do we leave? I hope immediately.”

Poe nodded. “Ground troops are ready. We’ll leave when you’re ready.”

This time, Rey didn’t put on the mask. She looked up at Poe, not trying to hide the emotion on her face. “Let’s go.”

Ben followed her as she walked to the hanger, and she could feel him reaching out to her.

_Are you sure you’re ready for this?_

_No. But I want to be free._

Rey was greeted by a loud roar that momentarily heartened her. “Chewie!”

The wookie descended from the ramp of the Millennium Falcon and pulled her into a warm, back-breaking hug, finishing by lifting her clear off the ground for a few seconds.

Rey grinned from ear to ear. “I missed you too, buddy.”

Lando was next down the ramp, pulling her into a hug, affectionately mussing her hair. “Hey kid.”

“How was the hunting?” Rey asked.

“Not too bad. Chewie and I are picking off the slavers in the Outer Rim one by one, aren’t we Chewie?”

Chewie roared his approval and Rey smiled. “I’m glad you’re back. It’s good to see you and the Falcon again.”

“She’s yours for one last mission, if you want her.”

Rey smiled, but shook her head. “She belongs to you and Chewie now. Besides, we’re just transporting. Shouldn’t need to do much fighting in the air, at least. I’d take a ride, though.”

“Of course, if that’s what you want.”

Poe and the remaining members of the Squad filed into another transport with Finn, Jannah and the Troopers. Two more squads were to follow for reinforcement.

Rey boarded the Falcon, and shut the ramp behind them. She and Ben followed Chewie and Lando to the cockpit. Lando confirmed the rendezvous point with Poe over comms, then took off. Rey settled in as the Falcon jumped to hyperdrive, watching the stars warp and blur around them.

As they got closer to Pria, Rey began to feel a strange presence, the feeling of someone reaching out to her. She turned to Ben, who nodded. Rey didn’t get an unpleasant feeling from this presence, like she had Snoke or Palpatine. She couldn’t get rid of a nagging sensation like there was something she was missing.

The Falcon came out of warp above the planet Pria, Lando punching in the coordinates provided in the message. Rey looked down on a rocky, mainly flat landscape, a few hills, mountains far off in the distance, not much trees or growing things.

The other three transports arrived. Poe hailed them over comms. “Go ahead and set down three clicks away from that building. That’s where the signal is coming from.”

Once again, Rey felt a presence reaching out to her, not communicating any specific message or words, rather a general feeling of welcome and safety. It only heightened her suspicions, however. Rey put her hand to her lightsaber on her belt and promised herself she wouldn’t be caught unawares again.

As they landed outside a simple, two-story structure, a dozen or so men and women marched out of the base. They appeared to be unarmed, but Poe, Finn, and the troopers raised their blasters, taking position. The unarmed enemy forces lined up, turned their backs to the Republic forces, and got down on their knees, hands held behind their backs in an unmistakable posture of surrender.

Poe motioned forward with his hand, and Finn’s Troopers ran forward to restrain the kneeling forces, who showed no resistance to being shackled. Ben and Rey approached, Rey igniting her lightsaber as she approached. Poe, Lando, and Chewie followed, weapons drawn.

“Who’s in charge?” Rey asked. A man nodded, and spoke out. “My name is Saloum.”

Rey approached him, nodding to a Trooper, who pulled the man up and turned him around.

“Your weapons aren’t necessary. We’ve been ordered to stand down.”

“Forgive me for being over-cautious,” Rey said evenly. “Where is Lirri Khan?”

“She waits on the roof. She said she will meet only with you.”

“I don’t think she’s in a position to make demands.”

Saloum nodded. “She said you’d say that, and to tell you the building is wired to explode. She will detonate if you don’t come alone.”

“So much for peaceful surrender.” Rey turned to Poe, lowering her saber. “Ben and I will go to the roof.”

“We’ll go with you,” Finn waved to the Troopers.

Rey shook her head, waving them off. “There’s no need. I don’t think it’s a trap. But if it is, Ben and I can take care of it. I think she wants to speak to me alone. I’ll signal you when I’m up there so you’ll know we’re ok.”

Rey accepted an ear piece from Poe, and turned to go enter the building. Rey stood in an entryway, facing a flight of stairs, turned her face up to the roof. “I’m coming up,” she spoke aloud, but put most of her effort into projecting her words non-verbally up to the roof. “Ben Solo is coming with me. The rest will stay outside.”

She began to climb the stairs, saber in her hand, but not ignited, expecting an explosion every minute, but it never came. Rey looked back at Ben over her shoulder as they reached the second floor. His face was cool, impassive, but Rey sensed the watchfulness within, coiled tight like a spring.

Rey looked around her, wondering how to get up to the roof. Ben tried a few doors.

“Here, more stairs.”

At the top of the stairs, a door opened onto the roof. Rey turned on her earpiece, whispered, “I made it. Standby.” Then slipped the earpiece out of her ear and into her pocket. Rey stepped out onto the roof to find a woman standing at the edge, overlooking the rocky terrain that stretched out behind the building. She turned and Rey recognized the woman from the holo, from the memory they retrieved from the Crimson Order prisoners.

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but for a moment, her voice failed her. She swallowed and tried again. “Lirri Khan?” Even to her, her voice sounded small, unsure.

The woman smiled at Rey, and Rey felt like she had been stabbed through her heart. Why did this woman feel so intimate to her, so familiar? A jolt of electricity ran through Rey, a sense of remembering something deeply forgotten, like a dream from childhood.

Ben stood behind Rey, set his hand on her shoulder. Rey realized she was trembling.

“Who are you?”

Lirri’s smile widened, twisting into something sly and slightly snide. “Why, don’t you remember your dearest darling mother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUH DUH DUH! Next chapter is coming along well, Should be posted sometime this next week. Hope you liked the twist, or at least, didn't hate it.


	28. Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's mother explains how she became head of the Scarlet Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Star Wars Day! As a special thank you, I decided to post early. Hope you are enjoying the story. Only two chapters left.
> 
> There's a small mention of torture and attempted r*pe, Rey is confronting her mother about her capture at the hands of the Scarlet Order. If you want to skip that part, stop reading at "What about me, Mother?" and start again at "Lirri cringed, held her hands out in front of her."

Rey stood transfixed, staring at the stranger who had just claimed to be her mother. Her dead mother, that she barely remembered. She focused on the memory she did have, of a young blondish woman with warm hazel eyes ringed in green. That image did not match the middle-aged, powerfully built woman in front of her, nor could she feel the warm, frantic love and protective panic that had radiated from the mother in her memory. There was nothing motherly about this woman. She stood at the edge of the roof, one foot propped up on the slightly raised edge, one hand resting on her knee, hand on the hilt of an inert lightsaber fastened to her belt.

Rey couldn’t help gaping at her. Despite everything, Rey couldn’t help but notice the smattering of freckles across the woman’s nose, a nose that sloped gracefully down to a fine point. Her mouth was wide, her chin strong and pointed. Her hair was held back from her face in a braid, the same shiny chestnut shade as Rey’s own.

“She wasn’t your mother, Rey. The woman you’re remembering.”

A light probing presence was pushing gently at the edges of her mind, not the graceless battering ram of Kylo Ren, or the cold relentless hot poker of Snoke’s mind. Not the gentle warm envelope of Ben. This strange woman who called herself her mother felt more like the Republic medic in that Scarlet Order base: firm and competent, but also compassionate to every raw nerve, every shattered bone. Each wave of panic that had rolled over Rey was anticipated and soothed away as the medic’s firm and unwavering hands saw to Rey’s wounds. The touch of this woman’s mind was like those medic’s hands, probing, clinical, but not unkind or ungentle.

“You are Force sensitive. But my mother wasn’t.”

“If everything you know about me comes from Palpatine, you know nothing about me. I never let him see my power. Because he was an arrogant wind-bag, he never suspected me. I am uniquely skilled at masking my Force abilities. Your father had a little Force power, never enough to please Palpatine, of course.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, trying to make sense of it all. “Who was that woman, then? Why did she and my father leave me on Jakku? Why did you never come back for me?”

“I never knew where you were, or I would have come back for you immediately. I never would have left you on that dirty little planet. Your father knew I would never find you there. That woman was your nurse, your nanny. Your father was trying to hide you from the Emperor, but also from me. Ochi killed them both when they wouldn’t tell him where they’d hidden you.”

Rey had to remember to breathe. “Why would my father hide me from you?”

“Because I wanted to overthrow the Emperor. To take his place with you at my side.”

Rey couldn’t help a burst of baffled laughter. “’At your side.’ I’m getting pretty sick of people saying that to me. You wanted me to rule the galaxy at your side when I was 8 years old?”

“I knew what power you had. I would need you to overthrow Snoke, to kill the Emperor.”

Rey shook her head, mentally willing herself not to cry. “Of course, I should have known. There was never a single person in my life who wanted me just for me.”

 _Even Ben,_ some part deep inside her said _, he never would have known or cared a speck for me if it weren’t for the Force, for what I can do._

“You think your Force is separate from you, an entity apart from you and all that you are? The Force is in the very fiber of you, it’s in your soul.”

“My Force does not define me! I am me, not a vessel for the Force.”

Rey interrupted the woman- she refused to think of her as Mother- with a wave of her hand. “I don’t even know what to call you. Why could I find no record of Lirri Khan on the HoloNet?”

“Khan was my name before marriage,” the other woman said, turning her gaze out over the rocky plains, to the twin suns just beginning to set. “I was born Rosalilli Khan. My youngest sister couldn’t pronounce it, so she called me Lirri. My mother and father served aboard the Death Star as radar technicians. They and my three younger sisters were murdered by rebel terrorists while I was at school, along with over a million other people. I met your father at that school. What else do you wish to know?”

Rey didn’t speak the question uppermost in her mind, but she didn’t have to.

Lirri smiled smugly. “Am I evil? You’re not a child, Rey. I never named you Rey, by the by. Did you know that? I named you Elenore, after my youngest sister. Your nanny insisted on that silly nickname, said you were a ray of sunshine.”

Rey was suddenly angry. “It must have been all I remembered when I was dumped on Jakku like old garbage.”

“Be angry with your father. It was never my idea to take you there.”

“And what have you been doing all this time? Not looking for me.”

Lirri surged forward, and Ben drew Leia’s lightsaber, hidden in a holster between his shoulder blades, under his shirt, held it but did not ignite it. Lirri stopped, her eyes never leaving Rey’s. Her eyes looked disgusted now, like Rey had called her a nasty name or delivered a devastating insult.

“Why do you think I built the galaxy’s most vast intelligence network? I was looking for you. But your father hid you well. When your powers awoke, though, I knew it was you.”

“And then you raced across systems to be with me?” Rey couldn't help the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“I had no idea where you were. I just felt the awakening. I spent every moment since tracking you. You allied yourself with these rebels, showed every indication of sharing their ideology, and I thought you were lost to me again. I’ll admit I gave up on you, but what would you have done if I had surrendered myself to a Resistance base, asked to be brought to you? Would they even have believed me? Would they have let me get anywhere near you, or would they have executed me or thrown me in a cell to rot?”

Lirri turned and looked out at the sunset, eyes dark. “Every time you fell into First Order hands, I tried to have one of my agents intercept you, on orders to bring you to me, but every time they failed. I had no agents on Exogol, the Emperor was too good at routing out my people.”

“He knew about you?”

Lirri turned back to her. “Oh yes. That’s what he excelled at, using people, pitting them against one another. So long as I gave him information, he tolerated my existence and that of my organization. But I could never get close to him.”

“So your dream of ruling the galaxy never came to pass?”

Lirri turned her fierce eyes on Rey. “Don’t mock me. I wanted to bring peace to a galaxy ravaged by war. We could have stopped the killing!”

Rey looked within Lirri, and for a moment, the older woman opened herself up to Rey, and by extension, to Ben. Rey saw Lirri’s mother and father and younger sisters, sweet blue-eyed girls all named after flowers. Felt the pain of their death, not just the news, but the actual moment of their deaths, their cries echoing to Lirri across the galaxy. She was so alone, so hopeless. Rey choked back tears as she recognized her own feelings from her childhood, mirrored back to her in her mother’s. Then meeting her father, falling in love, giving birth to Rey, to Elinore, and Rey watched through Lirri’s eyes, saw the love that her parents had felt for her. She jumped at Ben’s hands on her shoulders, realized he had put down his saber to reach both hands out to her, to help her bear her pain.

“It’s ok,” he murmured, pulling her back against his chest.

“Why are you doing this to her?” he asked Lirri, but she continued to ignore him, instead showing Rey images of her father, becoming distrustful of Lirri’s growing power and ambition. _She’s just a child, she’s not your pawn_ , she heard her father say. _She is the key. Her power will rival Palpatine’s someday._ Then the day her father took her, meaning to go to Jakku and hide her temporarily until he could shake Ochi and return to her. But Ochi found him first. He had died rather than tell him where he had hidden Rey.

“Stop,” Rey whispered, and Lirri did, turning again to look at the sunrise.

“Tell your people not to enter the building. They have almost made up their minds to try it. I won’t let us be interrupted.”

At first Rey didn’t know what she meant. It was hard to bring herself back to the present. Then she remembered her friends, the ear piece in her pocket. She pulled it out, settled it into the curve of her ear, activated the mic.

“Poe.”

“Rey, where have you been? Are you all right?”

What could she say? She wasn’t fine. “I’m with Lirri Khan and Ben.”

“What’s going on?”

“We’re talking.”

“What could you possibly have to talk about?”

“I don’t have time right now. Don’t come in the building yet.”

She could sense his reluctance. “Fine, but you’ve got fifteen minutes before we storm the building.”

“Understood.” Rey turned the device off again, and put it in her pocket.

“Let’s skip ahead. You knew who I was, and that I was working with the Resistance, pretty much ever since I first came to the First Order’s attention, is that right?”

“Let’s be specific: to Kylo Ren’s attention. We had a spy on his ship who noticed his fascination with an apparent Force user from Jakku.” Her eyes flicked to Ben, then back to Rey.

“Fine. And you’ve been trying to get ahold of me, every time I was in First Order custody. So that would be when I was captured on Takodana, when I surrendered to the First Order, and when I went to Exogol to confront Palpatine.”

Lirri’s eyes flicked to Ben again, and Rey could sense she longed to point out Ben’s participation in these events.

“Don’t try to drive a wedge between us, he’s already made amends for his mistakes. We’re not talking about Ben.”

Lirri apparently couldn’t help herself. “Ben Solo, is it? Already gone back to Mommy and Daddy’s names. You’ve spilled more blood than I ever could,” she growled.

“What about me, Mother?” Rey spit the word with as much venom as she could, and Lirri looked back at Rey. Suddenly Rey realized that Lirri knew what Rey was building to, and had been trying to avoid the subject. “Did you order Scarlet Order agents to kidnap me and torture me?”

Lirri’s eyes pierced through Rey with her grief and regret. Her voice hitched a little when she replied to Rey. “Of course not. I gave strict orders to bring you to me, unharmed. I just wanted to see you again.” She lifted her hand without thinking, and dropped it as soon as she realized.

“But you knew there was a plot to kidnap me and murder my friends? Did you organize it?” Rey knew with sudden clarity that she had, that Lirri had been the mastermind behind it all, had fed them the contact that gave them three legitimate Scarlet Order bases before sending them the base that held a trap, an ambush waiting in its bowels. Rey realized the truth and suddenly her saber was ignited without her realizing she had pulled it from its holster. Ben’s hand tensed on her shoulder.

“They tortured me!” she roared, tears squeezing out of the sides of her eyes. “They tried to rape me! They murdered my friends, and you’re the reason I was there!”

Lirri cringed, held her hands out in front of her. “I ordered them to bring you to me. I ordered them not to hurt you. When I found out what had happened to you, I ordered the surrender.”

Rey stood with her lightsaber extended, panting from the exertion of the emotions surging through her. After a moment, she extinguished her saber and replaced it in her holster. “Why?”

“I am tired of fighting. I was losing. This was never what I wanted, I wanted peace. I always believed I would be the best person to bring peace to the galaxy, but I was wrong, all right? I was wrong. You are the one.”

“No! It’s got nothing to do with me. It’s about the Republic, it’s about people, and putting faith in systems, not dictators.”

Lirri shrugged. “But you gave them hope to believe again. _You_ killed the Emperor, not your justice systems.”

“I killed the Emperor so no one would ever replace him. I won’t let you become a dictator.”

Lirri shook her head. “You don’t understand, I’m surrendering. I’m not trying to become a dictator anymore. I just want to live my life out in a cell, knowing that you are safe, that you’re happy, and holding onto the hope that I might see you again.”

Lirri reached for the saber at her waist. Ben stiffened beside her, but Rey knew that her mother was telling the truth, that she was surrendering in full, whole-heartedly. Not just her, her entire army had surrendered at Lirri’s whim, for her. Rey couldn’t help but feel a wave of ego, not quite pride exactly. All those years on Jakku she’d dreamed of who her parents were, given them elaborate stories and titles, imagined they were terribly important people who would land on the planet in a wave of pomp and grandeur and demand to know what had happened to their beloved daughter. They would punish Unkar Plutt for daring to treat the princess of a far-off world like a little beggar, and then wrap her in their arms and take her home, where she would never be hungry again. This was the closest she would ever get to her fantasy, and for the briefest of moments, Rey felt - not loved exactly, but valued.

The suns were sinking low, and with them, the last of the light was fast fading. Lirri held the saber in her right hand, her non-dominant hand, and ignited it. Rey was surprised to see the beam was yellow in color, rich golden yellow. She’d never seen a saber that color, knew that former Jedi had had pale yellow sabers, orange, green, blue, purple, white, black, and red. With a flick of Lirri’s thumb, the blade retracted. She dropped the saber on the ground. Rey reached out her hand, and the blade flew to her.

Lirri watched her and sighed. “You’re so much stronger than I ever could be. I can sense people’s minds, control them if they’re weak, wring every secret they ever dared to try to keep from me with a wave of my hand. But I could never manipulate physical things. If I’d had your power combined with mine, I could make this galaxy weep with love for me.”

Rey smiled, to her surprise, an entirely mirthless expression. “Thanks for making this easy for me. On your knees, you’re under arrest.”

Ben shifted next to her. “Rey, if people find out who she is, they’ll find out who your grandfather was.”

Lirri smirked. “A radar technician? Oh, you mean the other one. Let me guess, you haven’t seen fit to tell your fair-minded, infinitely just Republic who you really are? And why would that be? Are you afraid of what they’ll do if they find out?” Lirri dropped her sardonic tone. “If they were really so good, so just, why would they judge you because of who your parents were? You don’t really trust them, do you?”

Rey didn’t answer, couldn’t think of a single thing to say, because she knew her mother was right, though she couldn’t admit it.

Lirri fell to her knees, hands extended in front of her. “You’re right not to trust them. Representative Oolon has been working for me the whole time. He kept me informed of your whereabouts, although he would never help my agents infiltrate Ardone or feed me any other state secrets. He was the biggest help to formulating my plot to capture you.”

Rey turned to Ben, who was gazing at Lirri impassively, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

“I won’t tell anyone who you are, who I am to you. I swear on my life, I will only ever claim to be the head of the Scarlet Order.”

“They’ll kill you.”

Lirri shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. It’s the least I can do for you. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I will be absent from your life one more time.” She lowered her gaze to the floor in front of her, her mouth closed in a tight line. Rey recognized the set of her jaw from the expression she herself wore at times when she was feeling stubborn, as she had seen through Ben’s memories of her.

Ben reached over and took the ear piece from Rey’s pocket, put it in his own ear, and activated the mic.

“Poe, send the troops up. It’s over.”

Ben stood behind Rey, one hand on her shoulder possessively, staring at Lirri until the Troopers came up the stairs, blasters pointed at Lirri. When one of them produced a pair of binders, Ben stopped them with a hand, took the binders, and approached Lirri. He knelt before her and clapped the cold steel around her hands, his fierce eyes boring into hers. Then he stood, motioning to the Trooper.

“Take her away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mention of families being murdered by Republic terrorists is for my friend, who makes that argument all the time. I don't agree with it, but you have to admit, a lot of people were killed. I wanted to create a compelling backstory for Lirri, and explain why she became what she did. Hope you liked it. I hope it isn't too much of a trope to bring back Rey's mother, and shoutout to reesiesteve for predicting Rep Oolon's involvement.


	29. The Trial of Ben Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Lirri Khan in custody, Rey deals with the lingering emotional ramifications of her confrontation with Khan, while Ben makes a case for his freedom.

When they arrived back on Ardone, Ben asked Rose to take Rey back to her room. He was concerned about Rey, but he knew it was most important, first and foremost, to see to Lirri Khan and her accusations regarding Representative Oolon. He told Poe and Finn what the woman had revealed to him, in the privacy of the Mission Room, after Poe had dismissed everyone but themselves.

“You know who Rey is, right? What she learned on Exogol?”

Poe nodded. “We were the ones who told her to keep it a secret.”

Ben was relieved. “Thank you for that. Lirri Khan has promised not to tell anyone else what she knows. I’m glad to know Rey can depend on you to keep it a secret.”

D’Acy entered, her face aghast. “Generals, Ben. Representative Oolon is dead.”

Poe and Finn exchanged glances, but Ben was hardly surprised. Suicide did seem to be the Scarlet Order’s answer to many problems.

“Suicide pill?”

“They don’t know how; the medics are still examining him. It might have been natural causes, but I don’t really believe that.”

“Yeah, that’s a ‘no’ from me too,” Finn sighed.

Poe turned to Ben. “You think Lirri Khan had something to do with this?”

Ben considered the question. “She did say she can control the weak-minded. We have no proof, but I believe she had something to do with it.”

“We can question her later. For now, we can finally relax. The Scarlet Order is apparently done for. We can all breathe a sigh of relief.”

Ben’s attention was tugged in the direction of his quarters, to Rey, alone in the bathroom and in her mind. He nodded at Poe. “I’m going to go check on Rey.”

Poe nodded, stuck out his hand to Ben. “Thanks for your help. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

Ben accepted his hand, shook it twice. “You were doing all right before I came along.”

“I know I was hard on you. But I see now you just want what’s best for Rey. I appreciate that.”

He nodded at Poe and Finn, and left, D’Acy nodding to him as she opened the door for him.

When he arrived at their quarters, Rose was standing outside. She looked relived to see him.

“She asked me to leave. She said she was fine, but I didn’t really believe her. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s fine.” He cast out his senses for Rey, felt her turmoil. “Thanks for checking on her,” he said as he opened the door. Rose nodded and left to head back to her own quarters.

The rooms were in a kind of hectic disarray. Rey had set some food on a burner to cook then seemed to forget about it. Ben turned off the heating element and moved the pan of burnt vegetables to the side. He followed a trail of her clothes, a shoe, her shirt, a pair of pants, her other shoe, undergarments, all the way back to the bathroom. Under any other circumstances, it would have been romantic, but Ben just sensed desolation, despair.

He found her in the bathroom, curled up in the tub, the bubbles long since disappeared. She had her arms wrapped around her knees, and she looked so small and young. “Rey?” Ben asked, and his voice sounded so small to him, so tentative.

She looked up at him, her face wrinkling up into a sob. “Ben?”

He jumped into the tub, heedless of his clothes and boots. He pulled his mother’s lightsaber out of his belt and tossed it back in the direction of the bedroom before he fell to his knees before Rey, gathering her into his arms.

“I’m here.” It was the only thing he could think of to say. How could he promise everything would get better? How could he tell her it was alright? He’d never been able to lie to her.

“I’m here.” He held her as she sobbed, tears falling down his own face, at the overwhelming pain he felt from her. In that moment, he set himself free to experience everything he’d never let himself feel, all his own trauma and grief. They were together, and that was all they needed for now.

Eventually, Rey’s sobs quieted, and she lay across Ben’s chest, both of them awash in the catharsis of their grief. Ben ran his hands down her back, wondering how he could feel so happy, even after all that had happened. He couldn’t help it, though. She was his home.

He sensed a growing thought in Rey’s mind, a worry nagging around the edges of her mind. He ignored it for a while, let her turn it over in her mind. But eventually it grew so loud he could hardly hear his own thoughts.

He laid a hand on Rey’s back. “What is it, Rey? You’re worrying about something.”

In a small voice, she said, after a few false starts, “What if I’m a bad mother?”

Ben didn’t have to wonder what to say. It was almost like he’d always had the words inside him, he was just letting them out now. “Rey, this is very important, so please listen carefully, ok?” He felt her nod against his chest.

“First of all, you never have to have children if you don’t want to. It’s not essential, it’s not something you owe anyone. It’s your decision, and whatever you decide is right. If you don’t have children, you’ll still go on to make this galaxy a better place, as you already have. Do you believe that?”

Rey nodded.

“Good. The second thing I want you to know is that, if you did have children, you would be the best mother that has ever lived.” Rey immediately started crying against his chest, but he could feel it wasn’t from sorrow, rather from wearied relief. “You would be kind and understanding and supportive. You would play pretend like your life depended on it, you would take care of them when they were sick. You would be there for every nightmare, you would give them everything you never had. And that’s a fact. But the second thing doesn’t change the first thing, all right? You still get to decide.”

Rey had quieted again, the initial relief of hearing exactly what she needed to hear at exactly the right moment having washed over her. “But what about you?”

“What _about_ me? My part is to follow whatever you want to do. You mean, what if you want kids? Then I’ll be the best father I possibly can be and, with any luck, I won’t screw up our hypothetical kids any more than my dad screwed me up. If you decide not to have kids, then I’ll just get to take care of you the rest of my life. It’ll be wonderful either way.”

Rey sniffled a little, leaned back to look at him. “Really? You really think I’d be a good mother?”

“I know it in my bones.”

“How do you know I won’t traumatize and permanently scar my kids? I highly doubt your parents or mine meant to hurt us when we were born.”

“I know. You would never let that happen. You’re the bravest, most pure, well-intentioned person I’ve ever known. You could never intentionally hurt someone. And if you did hurt someone, no matter how it happened, you would make it right, no matter the cost.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Ben shrugged. “It happens every once in a while. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

For three idyllic days, Rey and Ben did whatever they want, reading, cooking, spending time in the bathtub, a lot of time in the bath. They went to the pool at the recreation area and held more swimming lessons. In the sparring room, they tested their use of the Force on one another in friendly competition, though Rey shied away from using a saber.

They began to seriously discuss Rey’s ideas for a school.

“I want to make a presentation before the Republic, or whatever committee would be most appropriate, and request funds for a school. We have to start training the Force sensitives in the galaxy, guiding them, more like. But we need to be training them to be a force for good, not war. To heal, not to wound.”

Ben nodded. “Maybe D’Acy could help you, she’s been pretty involved with the legislature.”

Rey smiled. “You’re right. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

Later that day Ben received a summons, to the sub-committee for Republic Security. The committee was meeting to determine whether charges should be brought upon Ben Solo for war crimes.

Ben thanked the young man delivering the summons, and shut the door behind him. He turned to look at Rey, held out his hand to her.

“We knew this was coming. Everything will be all right.”

Rey struggled to maintain her composure. “You’re lying.”

He sighed and pulled her to him. “I know.”

Ben stood in a small chamber, surrounded by eleven representatives. Behind him, chairs were filled by aides, witnesses, reporters for the HoloNet. Rey, Rose, and Jannah sat in the front seats. He could feel waves of support and love flowing from Rey. He couldn’t help but remember her words, when he’d warned her that the Republic might one day decide to imprison him or even put him to death for his crimes, she’d declared that she would never let that happen, full of defiance and spirit. He had loved her so much in that moment, though he couldn’t admit it yet to himself, because he hadn’t been ready yet to lose himself in her completely. He had swayed on the edge of that emotion for a brief moment, like Rey had stood on the edge of the plateau, wavering back and forth just to feel the thrill of death. And then he’d plunged.

He cast the image from his mind of that day on Ahch To, brought himself back to the present. The head of the committee called the hearing to order.

“Quiet, please. Sub-Committee for Republic Security will convene. On the agenda today, the case of Ben Solo. The purpose of this hearing is to determine whether the committee will recommend a formal war crimes tribunal. Counsel for the Republic, please begin your opening statement.”

Ben found it a little hard to concentrate, for some reason. He found his attention wandering to Rey, as the counsel began to speak on his crimes. He didn’t need to listen to this part, he thought. He’d been there for all of his crimes, could give a far more exhaustive account than this shill.

Then the counsel for the defense spoke, extoling his virtues, and the invaluable aid he had provided to the Republic in rounding up members of the Scarlet Order. She was honestly almost as bad as the other guy. Ben knew he shouldn’t feel so cynical about the whole thing, but he couldn’t help it. The good he had done could never outweigh the bad. He knew that. He would forever hear the cries of the innocents he had slaughtered, or had ordered others to slaughter, it made no difference. He wished he could tell them about Rey, about her sweetness, about what she had endured, and how it was his responsibility to take care of her. Not that she couldn’t take care of herself, Your Honor, he imagined himself saying to the head of the committee. She was stronger than anyone he knew. But she shouldn’t have to, Your Honor, she should have someone to take care of her, whenever it all becomes too much for her.

She should get her opportunity to be vulnerable, sometimes she is vulnerable, and that’s ok. That’s where I come in. I protect her when she can’t protect herself. I make her laugh, I cook for her, I go into her room when she’s gone for the day and retrieve the half-empty cup of coffee, pick up her clothes. I love her and it’s my job, no, my duty to be there for her. Whatever she needs me to do.

The head of the committee had called witnesses, beginning with Poe. Ben was both gratified and slightly surprised to hear him testify on Ben’s behalf, attesting to the many pieces of information Ben had voluntarily provided to him directly about the Scarlet Order.

“And before that, he turned on the First Order to smuggle information to the Resistance about First Order movements and the return of Palpatine, is that correct?”

Poe hesitated. “Yes, I believe that to be correct.”

The Republic counsel leapt at the opening. “But you don’t really know the truth of that statement, do you, General?”

“No, I never knew who the spy was. No one did until after,” Poe answered truthfully.

“General Hux didn’t claim to be the spy?”

“He did.”

“And how did he make that claim? Send you a message?”

“He made the claim to me in person, on board the _Finalizer_.”

The Republic counsel made an elegant gesture. “Then what makes you think Ben Solo was the spy?”

“Master Rey informed us of the identity of the spy here on Ardone. Ben Solo surrendered to Republic forces after the Battle of Exogol. Rey escorted him to Ardone, informed the Security Council that Ben Solo had been the spy, and that he had more information to give regarding a secret intelligence net known as the Scarlet Order.”

“Did you ever question the identification of Ben Solo as the spy.”

“No. Rey- Master Rey told us and we trusted her word. She had no reason to lie.”

“But there’s no physical evidence that Ben Solo was the spy?”

“Not to my knowledge, no.”

“Thank you. I have no more questions.”

Neither did Ben’s defense, so the next witness was called. Finn provided similar testimony, as did D’Acy. Finally, Rey was called. Republic counsel spent some time drilling her about the spy, when she knew Kylo Ren had turned from the First Order, how she knew he was the spy. Ben sat calmly through her testimony, although the Force crackled through him when she lied. He’d learned how to block it out, but it still twinged.

She stuck to her story, no matter what the Republic counsel asked, how much he backtracked, cross-examined, parsed her words. Eventually, the Republic counsel relented, and even Ben’s defense admitted she had no questions for Rey.

Rey asked if she could make a statement. The committee head agreed.

“Ben Solo was targeted by Supreme Leader Snoke from a very young age. His Force sensitivity made him vulnerable. He was manipulated all his life, in ways that few people could have ever resisted. It’s no excuse, but I think it needs to be said. Kylo Ren was created, but not by Ben Solo. He was created by Snoke, and by extension, Palpatine to serve their purposes. Ben Solo was as much a victim of Palpatine as anyone.”

The committee recessed for a few hours to discuss testimony, review witness accounts of the multitudes of atrocities committed by the First Order. The committee reconvened, and the head of the committee cleared her throat and began to speak.

“We have reviewed the testimony provided to this committee today, as well as the history of events surrounding Kylo Ren, Ben Solo as he is named today. We accept the testimony of our expert witnesses, many of whom have been high-ranking, trusted members of the Resistance, some since it began,” she nodded to Poe. “It does seem that Ben Solo turned away from his persona as Kylo Ren, turned spy for the Resistance at great personal cost, helped Master Rey to destroy Supreme Leader Snoke and Emperor Palpatine. However, we are in something of a dilemma, as Kylo Ren also helped to destroy many lives, including whole planets. Ben Solo, we would hear from you, if you have anything to say.”

Ben stood, considering his words carefully. “I know I can never make full amends for what I did. The good I’ve done doesn’t erase the bad. I hope that I’ve shown with my actions that I want to be of service to the Republic.” Ben sat back down. He’d said his piece, he’d accept whatever came.

“The recommendation of this Sub-Committee to Premier Loom is that Ben Solo should be cleared off all charges, in light of the invaluable service he has provided to the Republic. However, he could still pose a security threat to the Republic. We can disarm an enemy combatant, but it is not so easy to disarm a Force user, without depriving him of his life. The new Republic has endeavored to avoid further blood-shed wherever possible. Therefore, it will be the recommendation of this sub-committee that Ben Solo be remanded to the custody of Master Rey, if she will consent to the charge of Solo. Master Rey?”

He heard her stand from the audience. The committee head addressed her directly. “Will you agree to be responsible for Ben Solo, monitor his actions and associations, and report to this sub-committee if you sense he is being tempted back to the Dark Side, or may act in any way that would harm another person or pose a threat to the safety of the Republic?”

Rey’s voice sounded through the chamber, more confident than she felt. “I will.”

“Then this hearing is adjourned.”

And that was it. His counsel clapped him on the shoulder, flashed him a tentative smile, then walked away to speak with the Republic counsel. Ben got the idea she didn’t want to hang around him; he seemed to make her nervous. Poe was the first to approach and offer his hand, then Finn, then Rey.

“Well, should we celebrate?” Finn asked as they left the committee room.

“Nothing too flashy,” Ben said. “I don’t want to seem like I’m boasting. But why don’t you come for dinner, you two and Jannah and Kaydel, and everyone. I’ll cook for us and we can have a few drinks.”

They agreed to meet at Rey and Ben’s quarters at 1700, and to let the others know, then departed to another security hearing. “They have a couple hundred prisoners to decide what to do with.”

Rey made a face. “I don’t envy them that job. They won’t just keep them locked up, will they?”

Finn shook his head. “Most will go to work details. They can help rebuild the worlds they helped to destroy and earn back their freedom.”

Ben thought on that as they walked back to their quarters. How he could help rebuild.

“I spoke to D’Acy, she’s going to help me with my presentation. I’m appearing before the Sub-Committee on Education in two days. If they like my proposal, they can appropriate some funds to begin building.”

Rey had finished all her plans, practiced her presentation in front of him that afternoon. It would end up being a large facility, but to start, she just wanted to build the classrooms, a few residential dwellings, and a farm. “The first thing I want to evolve past is the concept that, to teach a child, we must remove them from their families. I believe that families are our strength, and should be embraced, not thrown away. As someone who grew up without her family, I would never willingly take a child from their home. What I want to do instead is bring the families to the school.

“We will encourage families to come live at the facility, parents can work at the farm, where we will grow food to feed ourselves. Eventually, I’d like to add more industries, a ranch, a mill, a dairy. We’ll sell whatever we don’t need, and make the school self-funding. All children can attend classes, not just the Force sensitives, but the brothers and sisters, as well. We’ll teach history, literature, mathematics, physics, engineering, music, art, as well as how to control their Force abilities. We want to focus on education and peaceful conflict resolution. Lightsabers and instruments of war will not be taught, as they are not needed in time of peace.”

“What about physical activity and the discipline that combat teaches?”

“Fencing, then, with practice swords. But there willl only be three lightsabers in the whole building, Luke’s, Leia’s, and my mother’s.” She paused, took a deep breath, then slid down onto the couch from where she had been standing at the fireplace. “Though of course, I won’t tell them that.”

She sighed and leaned over, falling into his lap. “Will it ever feel better? I hate knowing that my mother is alive and I can’t see her, that she’s in a cell somewhere.”

Ben combed his fingers through her hair, eyes glancing down the curves of her face, the face he knew so well, had seen in his dreams for the past three years. “You could see her, if you wanted to. Maybe I’m not the best judge of this kind of thing, but I don’t think she’s past redemption. If you want her in your life, you can make a place for her, if that’s what you want.”

“Won’t it look suspicious if I start visiting her?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t think so. If anyone asks, you could just say you’re trying to rehabilitate her. No one’s so evil that they don’t deserve a second chance. She did surrender willingly, when she could have kept fighting. And she did it for you, because of the hurt she caused you.”

Rey sighed, shaking her head. She was quiet for a while, gazing at the fireplace. “Maybe someday,” she said eventually, turning to Ben and clasping her hands around the back of his neck.

They lay like that until Ben had to get up to start cooking. Rey came to help, and was starting to get pretty good at cutting vegetables. Their little table was too small for everyone to sit at, but Selvyn was able to bring them a portable folding table, and they set it up next to the smaller one. Rey managed to talk Selvyn into staying for dinner, so they numbered thirteen in all: Rey, Ben, Finn, Jannah, Poe, Rose, Kaydel, Beaumont, D’Acy and her partner Lieutenant Tyce, Chewie, and Lando.

Rey took in the long table, piled with food. There was fresh bread, brought by Selvyn; vegetables roasted, steamed, and sautéed; rice steamed and fried; a few different kinds of meat, grilled, and baked, and fried with vegetables and seasonings. For after dinner, Ben had made some kind of dessert out of cream, sugar, and berries, combined in a machine with ice. Ben had called it ice cream. Rey had no idea what it was, but just the sight of all this food made her desert heart full.

She helped Rose fill the glasses, some with water, some with honey wine. Everyone sat down, began loading up their plates, passing the dishes of food around the table. Rey watched with a smile. The only thing better than a table full of food was sharing that food with her friends, seeing their faces, hearing their chatter. Ben smiled at her, offered her a dish of pan-fried meat and veggies, with the dark salty sauce she liked. Rey took the bowl, ladling spoonfuls onto her plate, then passed the dish to Rose, on her left.

In the back of her mind, she felt a small nudge, a quiet call in the night. The dark was still there, waiting for her. Rey knew it would never completely leave her. But for now, she had her friends by her side, her soulmate, and her dreams for the future. She didn’t have to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter! Hope this one wasn't too long. I thought about breaking it up, but that would have thrown off my chapter count. Thanks for all the comments and kudos. I'll try to upload the last chapter sometime early next week.


	30. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 years later

Rey set down her spade and looked up at the sky, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead. It was late, almost dinner time. She looked down at the row of beans she had been weeding, took a small moment of pleasure at the green things growing in straight, clean lines. When she’d come out this morning, the little field had been in danger of becoming choked by weeds. She’d decided to take an hour to weed them by hand; despite Ben’s constant reminders that there were droids who were responsible for that kind of work, she enjoyed the manual labor.

She decided the field was weeded well enough for now, although she made a note to remind the farmer droids to check this field more often for the next few months. They’d gotten an unseasonable amount of rain, which helped the pesky weeds to thrive. She knew the droids were plenty busy during the busy growing season, she might suspend classes for a few days and set the kids on the field. For now, she cleaned her spade of any remaining dirt, pulled off her gloves, and put both in her apron pocket. She took a small canteen out of the other pocket, opened it up, and drank the last remaining swallow of water. She was tempted to shake every drop free from the metal, but stopped herself. It had been years since she wanted for water.

Rey walked back to the main compound, was still twenty yards away when she spied Ben standing on the front steps, long lean hand held over his face, palm out, to shield his eyes from the setting sun, scanning the vast farmlands that belonged to the Skywalker School.

He still took her breath away sometimes, that tall, hulking man. He hadn’t changed much over seven years, although he was far more likely to smile than to scowl these days, quicker to laugh than to attack, and his hair was changing from jet black, to a softer coal color, shot through with veins of silver. He pretended not to care, but she knew he secretly minded, so Rey never hesitated to tell him how much she loved his hair, even with its new imperfections. Even his grey hair was beautiful, but he always just shook his head and mumbled something about becoming an old man that sounded suspiciously close to something Han would have said. Rey never said that part, though, just wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his back.

When Rey was close enough to him, Ben nodded and called out to her, “Company.”

Rey smiled and shook her head. After all these years, he’d never lost that habit of brevity. Ben never said two words when one would do, it was something Rey attributed to his First Order training. That was another thought she didn’t speak openly.

“Who?” she asked from the bottom of the steps.

“Get cleaned up and come see.”

Rey smirked. “So mysterious,” she teased.

“I am mysterious, aren’t I? What were you doing out there?”

“Weeding,” Rey replied.

Ben shook his head.

“I like it! Nothing wrong with a good day’s work. I don’t want to get soft like you!”

Ben’s face burst into a sudden smirk, here one moment and gone the next, like a ray of sun on a stormy day. “Soft! I’ll make you pay for that tomorrow!”

“In the sparring room, or just in general.”

Ben turned to walk inside after glancing around quickly to make sure none of the kids were nearby. “All over,” he muttered before sweeping inside.

Rey grinned and turned to the barn. The cattle lowed at Rey as she came in, and she patted a few of the heads that pushed through the bars to greet her as she walked by to the garden storage area. She dusted off her gloves, hung them from a hook on the wall, then held the spade under the tap until it was clean. Once dried, she stowed it away in its proper place, then washed her own hands and face. She had a bad habit of getting dirt on her face when she worked in the fields, and sure enough, she looked into the mirror hanging over the sink and confirmed she had a huge swipe of dirt on her forehead. Once clean, she hung up her apron on the hook labelled with her name, and slipped out of her thick rubber boots, slipping her feet back into her everyday ankle boots.

She still favored her trousers, this pair cut-off at the knee to accommodate the warmer weather, and simple sleeveless tops made out of a thin, breathable linen. Her hair had been held back from her face by a scarf while she worked, but she untied the scarf now and unfurled hair that fell below her shoulder blades. She tucked her hair behind her ears before folding up the scarf into her pocket and heading towards the main compound.

Inside, she headed past the main hall to the living area towards the back of the building. Along the way she passed classrooms, some empty, some occupied. One room contained a class of Intermediates (boys and girls aged eleven to fifteen) learning a mathematics lesson, another of Advanced students (sixteen to nineteen) taking a History lesson. At the last room, a group of younglings (aged six to ten) receiving a biology lesson about plants and growing seasons. Appropriate, Rey thought. She glanced at the clock over the wall at the end of the hall. Lessons would be ending for the day in about fifteen minutes.

Once past the school section of the building, Rey entered a more open area, containing a common recreation area, a dining area, and a small kitchen area, with a sink, a warmer, and a crisper. The main kitchen was in an adjacent part of the house, but the pupils were required to clean off their own plates before sending them back to the kitchen to be washed. The crisper had small snacks and water for snack times during the day.

A man and woman were standing in the common area speaking to Ben with their backs to the hall. Rey didn’t need to see their faces to recognize friends.

“Finn! Jannah!” Rey sprinted across the room, into Finn’s arms, who spun her around a few times and lifted her clear off the ground. Jannah was all grins when Finn finally let Rey go, pulling the taller woman into a warm hug.

“It’s so good to see you! It’s been, what- two years?”

“Almost,” Ben agreed.

The four (three, rather, Ben attended to their conversation, but did not join in much) fell into the shorthand of old companions, quickly catching up on the details they’d missed, the birth of a child, the ages of the other children, changes in employment and homes. After the initial demographics were exchanged: a new girl born last winter; the other children aged 2,3, and 6 years, respectively; Jannah had recently been promoted; Finn had recently adopted a dog. Holograms were exchanged quickly, but soon, a roar of voices and footsteps grew from the corridor behind Rey.

"How many kids have you wrangled so far, Rey?" Finn wanted to know.

"Forty, if you can believe it. Twenty-one Force sensitives, which is almost more than I can stand, to be honest."

“Oh shit,” Rey murmured. “Watch out now.”

A flood of youngsters, aged six to eighteen, traipsed from hallway, into the rec room, making a great clatter with their feet and voices and hands. It was the final day of classes for the week, and the students got two days free of schoolwork, although they were still assigned chores to complete throughout the compound. Tonight, however, once classes were completed, there were no more chores to complete, other than cleaning their dishes after dinner.

Most of the stampede parted around the four adults standing in the middle of the rec room, although a few came perilously close, one clipped Rey as she ran past.

“Hey!” Rey cried, her voice instantly piercing the post-classes din. “Be careful, please!”

“Sorry Master Rey!” a young voice called back. Rey watched the six-year old girl, one of the Force users, as she ran to a low table with two other boys, who instantly began to play a game with small eight-sided figures and decks of ten-sided cards.

The effect of Rey’s shout rippled over the rec room. Each group quieted their voices marginally, so the room came to sound a bit more like a roomful of children and less like an arena at a gladiator match. Rey smiled at Finn and Jannah, rolled her eyes in mock fatigue.

“Come on, let’s go to the faculty room,” she told Finn and Jannah. “Quieter!”

Four parents were standing in pairs at either side of the room, overseeing the raucous frivolity. Among the students were three head pupils, eighteen-year-olds who had been promoted to self-govern the other students. Rey knew the younger children would be safe under this supervision.

Adjacent to the common room was the faculty room. A few tables stood to one side, on the other, a fireplace surrounded by plenty of overstuffed armchairs. A few of the instructors had made their way to tables, enjoying dinner, or to the armchairs. Rey led Finn and Jannah to a small table, just big enough for four. Ben left to go to the kitchens, to request dinner to be served for four, thick cuts of steak and beans and corn, all grown on the land granted by the Republic, followed by Rey’s favorite sweet dessert, salted cream chilled by beating it with bits of ice, followed by cups of rich caf, sweetened with lots of fresh milk and coarse brown sugar.

When the meal was over, and they sat lingering over their caffeinated beverages, enjoying each other’s company and the warmth of a nearby fire and the satisfaction of a good meal, Rey thought that she could never have even dreamed of this moment when she was alone in the desert all those years ago, crying and wounded from the collapse of a star destroyer, left to limp her way to the nearest outpost. A warm home, full of children, tables full of food that she had grown in her own fields (not personally, but under her supervision), heads full of knowledge and bellies full of nourishment. Sometimes she shut her eyes and she could _feel_ the growing things around her: the green things in the dark soil, their roots digging towards the earth and their leaves reaching towards the sun; the children, their limbs that seemed longer every new hour that she saw them, their spirits enriched with every lesson, their minds as yet untouched by the cynicism and troubles of the world.

The fires began to dim, the faculty room began to empty. Finn, Jannah, Ben, and Rey departed through the common room, where only the oldest students were allowed to remain, sitting around a fire, laughing, full of hope and promise and life. They walked to Ben and Rey’s private sitting room, where Rey poured glasses of honey wine, bottled at the farm's own vineyards, and they clinked their glasses in silent cheers. Rey felt the mood had suddenly sombered, as though they were remembering the fallen from the war, the friends in whose company they would never again bask, the lives claimed too soon and too rough. The moment soon passed, and they were laughing again, recalling stories of Rey being teased by Master Luke, Finn getting his ass kicked by Rey on Jakku, Poe’s hazing in flight school.

Rey laughed again and again until her sides hurt, until she gasped for air, sitting round a fire with her friends, with Ben beside her, always with Ben beside her. The fire burned low, and Rey knew: she might occasionally be alone, but she would never feel lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end! I hope you liked it. I don't know if it fulfilled all the promise it had when I began it, but I'm proud to have finished the first fanfic I ever started.
> 
> I thought about including babies, but I'm honestly rubbish at writing kids. I decided to leave it ambiguous. If you like Reylo babies, then the 6 year old who bumps into Rey is Ben and Rey's only child, and is named Elenore. If you don't, then it's just some random Force user kid. Makes no difference to the story either way.
> 
> A little more backstory: Rey actually has a fairly decent relationship with her mother, all things considered. She visits her once a year and tells her stories about the kids at the school. Rey is kind of done with the Republic after they refused to go public with Rep. Oolon's treason. Poe and other members of the Republic argued that it would be damaging to the new-found peace of the Republic, Rey argued that it would disgrace the memories of all the people who died fighting against the Scarlet Order to cover up the betrayal. Rey agrees never to disclose the details of Rep. Oolon's involvement with the Scarlet Order, but vows she will never take part in Republic activity again, sequestering herself at the Skywalker School.
> 
> Let me know what you thought, and thanks again for anyone's who's read this far, left a comment or a kudos.


End file.
